Monday, March 12, 2007

For fuck's sake, Spara... III

I... I cannot comprehend this... He has put up a profile on gaydar for Ben Chatham! That's like Agetha Christie putting a letter from Poroit in the lonely hearts column!

Benji says:
I am a single gay man interested in meeting single men, single women, for relationship, friendship, 1-on-1 sex between 18 & 50 years old.
Chavs need not apply. Or women with big teeth answering to the name "Rose" "Billie" or "Katie Ryan".

Hi, my name is Ben and I am an archaeology graduate from Cambridge. I am currently working in this field on a number of major projects. My other interests include medieval history, time travel concepts, orchid growing, music and literature.
Yeah, don't mention police boxes. People will think you're weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeirrd!

I work for various government agencies which I can't mention.


Charles Daniels, Dylan Moran and Sean McCallif locked in a room of laughing gas couldn't beat that!

I would describe myself as a highly attractive guy , intelligent and from a good background.
This IS unusual, since Ben is a paragon of modesty.

I am looking for intelligent, attractive people who are not dumbed down in any way. I like to be made to feel special, which is why I split with my last boyfriend Charles as he neglected my needs.
No, he dumped you. Because you were a boring little shit so far in the closet Aslan was getting suffocated.

I also don't mind meeting girls as well as they look good on your arm and my parents don't really approve of gay lifestyles.
Seriously, I am not making this up, OR taking the piss! This is seriously up there on the web!

My hobbies include archaeology, advising several government organisations
I'm speechless. I thought Damian's wikipedia page defined surreal...

, orchid cultivation , fine wines and listening to music.
Food: Traditional English roast dinner
Music: Bowie, Philip Glass, Webern, Radiohead
Author: Lovecraft

The one Spara publically stated he'd never heard of before and thought must be crap?

Film: Maurice
Actor: Jude Law
Actress: Helena Bonham Carter
TV Show: Time Team

Not Doctor Who or Torchwood? I think someone's just cut and pasting his own profile...

Vacation Spot: Stangeness in Scotland & exclusive Italian resort
Give me fucking strength...

City: Cambridge
Country: England

Well, Cardiff doubling for England...

Club: Clubs are extremely vulgar I've decided to use the non-vulgar internet to get the salty goodness...

Bar/Pub: Various Cambridge venues
Absinthe only.

And, the pee-ester-resistance-is-useless:
the ID photo is a pink grey blur with this caption:

Close up of my chest

Still, it's better than sparacus' own gaydar profile. I don't think he gets many hits...

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