Friday, December 2, 2011

Booyah Bitches (Xmas Edition)

Yes, the next installment is out and all the signs are that C---------n Blue will be finished sometime before the Mayan apocalypse, proving that the production schedule is still ten times more efficient than anything starring Eve Myles and John Barrowman. (And please remember to delete that semi-colon at the end of the filename. Otherwise it just don't work. Tch, amateurs I have to deal with...)

0:04 - Oh, "pure evil". I though you said "you're evil" and was surprised how well Vlyn took it, all things consider.

0:36 - what a prick tease Gelver is when it comes to teleport duty. Unless maybe it's the Evil-Dead-style supernatural delay. Hmmm. Can you tell someone else came up with this cliffhanger?

1:19 - I love how the theme music has that last, wailing note that sounds like Murray Gold keeling over and sighing "I am SO freaking stoned..."

1:33 - "You should really try this self-harm stuff more often." Hah! You can tell I wrote this before slashing my wrist open, can't you? Again, huge props to Gelver. He and Palleen should get their own Will/Grace style sitcom! Only, you know, funny.

2:07 - I'm being way too visual again. Damn.

3:22 - Try and spot how many lines I knicked from Harvest of Kairos for this single scene. I mean, "keel section". Never heard that anywhere else in the English language, and here it is...

4:04 - The cast are making this a lot funnier than it was written down. I seem to have written this bit solely to be used as exposition in Next Time... trailers.

5:23 - Yes, you might be able to spot where I come down on in that Nightmare of Eden dialogue debate.

6:14 - Whoa. I totally stole that from Moffat and the Weeping Angels. I never even noticed it before. Well, the explanation. The whole "disappearing out of sight" business was mine from the start. Ahem. Moving on.

7:03 - Gosh this makes me sound clever...

9:13 - I did mention this episode would be 90% explanations, didn't I? That might be why the Doctor goes "GOODY! I LOVE EXPLANATIONS!" very loudly around this point.

9:31 - Oh yes. Alexis. I'd forgotten he was in this. Bugger.

10:31 - Vlyn, are you phoning your performance in? Or is that a cutting Vincent Savage impression of being hastily edited from poor stock footage? Or is she talking over the communicator? Hmmm. Let's go for the latter.

11:41 - Brilliant acting from the imposters, I think you'll agree. Convincing. But slightly off.

13:14 - Emma's explanation of the TARDIS = hilarity. "It's... nice." LOL.

14:33 - No, the Transfer Scoop does NOT resemble Amelia Pond's backyard. No matter what the music may indicate.

15:37 - Isn't odd that the bit Amber bigs up as funny is the most tedious bit of the plot? I'll just say that this is cunning characterization. Because it is. HAHA.

16:38 - Aquitar! WOOOHOO! Up yours, B7 Enterprises!

17:32 - "Why not?" "Because they want to kill us. And are very goal-orientated." Heh. I wrote that.

19:27 - Nigel, stop stealing the scene! It's my own fault, but really...

21:09 - Amber stumbling over her words isn't in the script. But, hey, it's not Richard Briers (or even Dude-Playing-Alexis) levels, so we can live with it.

23:03 - Wow. Alexis delivers a joke properly. That showed me.

23:22 - Eep.

24:15 - I have no idea where that music comes from but it's... very excitable...

25:12 - "I missed those." Smooth.

25:46 - And now the long awaited cliffhanger to part two. Slightly better in my head, but the Doctor has good reason to sound bored. Alexis, however, doesn't and Vlyn still seems to be represented by a dodgy mobile phone connection. Oh well. At least Emma sells the moment.


26:34 - Um... Dio wasn't in this episode. Hello? Hello?!?

Well. That was nice, all things considered (though killing off Eljay and leaving Alexis alive does rank up there with clicking on a sparacus thread in 2005 as "Biggest Regrets of the 21st Century"), and I can be proud of making a shitload of exposition and monster chases at least mildly diverting and a few mysteries left unresolved. Certainly, hand on my heart, this is better paced than a few Pertwee six-parters and the comic performances here might have made Night Terrors bearable if they were in the cast... but maybe not. Night Terrors WAS weapons-grade shite. Hopefully Jared will like it if nothing else.

Now, let's all just pray that the next two parts are released before anyone else important dies. You realize when part one came out, Lis Sladen, Nicholas Courtney and an iota of respect for Mark Gatiss were still alive?!?

Oh well, at least in quality not quantity, Darker Project delivers.