Wednesday, January 6, 2010

FFS, Gabriel Chase!

Yes, sadly, the bastard is still alive and desperately trying to retype the same slag-off that is, after all, the only part of his pathetic website he is still able to update...

Series 5 was downgraded to a handful of "specials"
No, it starts in March, so it was delayed before. This bloke is slow, isn't he?

when Tennant took time out to honour a commitment with the Royal Shakespeare Company
Wrong again, you flatulent flea, as Tennant chose to do Hamlet AFTER the gap year was announced.

then decided to quit the show altogether.
Except, he quit in 2006. So it was planned. Plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanned.

This allowed the BBC to spend virtually the whole of 2009
Yes. "Virtually" does not seem to mean what it thinks you mean.

building up to Tennant's finale,
So the BBC are paying attention to Doctor Who. This is bad because...?

with Tennant lauded as a major celebrity
Which he was before he started Doctor Who, so the problem is...?

and featuring in several high-profile editions of more down-to-Earth shows such as the celebrity family history series Who Do You Think You Are?,
Which was done in 2008, you tosser.

quizcoms Never Mind The Buzzcocks and QI, and a modern-day version of Hamlet staged by the RSC.
Yes. That'll be the one he didn't quit Doctor Who to do. And the fact all those shows were in DECEMBER 2009, it's hardly 365 days of media saturation is it?

With new Executive Producer Steven Moffatt forced to cast a new lead,
Wow, cause that never happened before, has it? The fact he had over a year to do it gave him a better turnaround than everyone else in the show. Even the bloke who cast Jon Pertwee.

and choosing the virtually unknown,
"Virtually" meaning that half the viewers in Australia knew who he was already. Give me strength.

and very young,
BASTARD! It's Peter Davison all over again, isn't it! HOW DARE HE NOT BE OLD!!! The idea of a shape-changing alien looking slightly younger than his last body IS RIDICULOUS!!!

Matt Smith (looking like a cross between Edward Scissorhands and Marilyn Manson),
Oh bravo. Come on, everyone, that deserves applaud. I mean, hurling abuse at Freema Agyeman for "only being HALF-BLACK!!" would take a lot to beat!

it remains to be seen how much longer this vastly different version of Who will last.
Seriously, how long before he stops asking that?

So, if it lasts for another twenty-one years, will he accept it's ongoing? Or does it have to beat the original score? Doesn't it start to look silly when he has to keep adding more and more to that page? When he had to type "(60 episodes so far)" as well as Born Again, Time Crash, Attack of the Graske, The Infinite Quest and Music of the Spheres it started to get old? His "Parallel Universe" section (which he defines as NOT being made as a TV series of Doctor Who) now contains more about a TV series of Doctor Who than anything else! Indeed, his constantly-evolving website is still on about RTD and Christopher Eccleston, and he still can't decide whether he should keep the vital sections like A Quick Guide To UNIT or Hidden Socio-Political Allegories. Yes, GC has gone Nyder!

Except he doesn't believe there is any political statements in The Dalek Master Plan, The Invasion, Carnival of Monsters, Genesis of the Daleks, The Deadly Assassin, The Face of Evil, Snakedance, Terminus, The Caves of Androzani or Survival.

The Faceless Ones - religious cults
The Chameleons are the fringe religious cults that are forever springing up and brainwashing hundreds of susceptible young people into handing over their money and individuality and, in some extreme cases, their lives.
Except they do not embrace religions, brainwash people, ask for money (their whole scheme relies on them being dead cheap and cutting costs), and do not actually kill any of their 'new recruits'. They also decide to stop rather fight for their beliefs, which is hardly relgious zealotry, is it?

But that's nothing compared to...

The Enemy of the World - George W.Bush
Salamander claims to be the saviour of the world, yet is secretly creating natural disasters from which to save people. George W.Bush, or rather his advisors, created the myth that al-Qaeda's worldwide terrorism campaign was being sponsored by Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq, despite there being no evidence whatsoever. In fact, Saddam was actively opposed to al-Qaeda, which was itself largely invented by the CIA to give opponents of bin-Laden something tangible to focus on. By deposing Saddam, Bush claimed to have won the war against terrorism.


Dear me. And he wonders why all the web guides list his site under the "Oddities" sections!


Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Isn't it amazing, the way David Whittaker and Innes Lloyd were the Nostradamus of their generation and nobody noticed until now? Mad as a bull-buggering balloon he is.

It is kinda funny to me that he has no grounds to argue against the canonicity of the new Doctor Who at all, and has just given up to a point of sneering at the way the production is being run. Whilst being disgustingly misinformed. Why write a bloody guide if you haven't got the foggiest what's actually going on?

Youth of Australia said...

Perhaps because he's got NOTHING ELSE to write about?