Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Critical Analysis of... The Second Doctor

The Power of the Daleks
They sure didn't take any chances with this story. Apart from, you know, changing the main character without any real explanation. The play-it-safe losers. Do you know how little of the Troughton era still exists? I've barely seen an episode! But I will prevail! Look, um... er... evil thrives when good men do nothing! That's what this story is all about! God damn it, I am such a professional.

The Highlanders
This is the last historical, because all historicals are crap. And Jamie joins. What more do you people WANT from me? BLOOD?!

The Underwater Menace
Atlantis! Woo-hoo! Atlantis! Atlantis Atlantis Atlantis Atlantis! Space: 1999 did something about Atlantis too. Yeah, big up! Next!

The Moonbase
At last! I saw an episode of this! The Cybermen are scary! Everyone in the entire world was eagerly awaiting their return and anyone who says otherwise is a complete liar! Everything about the Moonbase is 1000% scientifically accurate! Except, you know, being black and white! WOO! Troughton is the best Doctor ever, so next time you see the Bakers, bitchslap them for me, would you?

The Macra Terror
Ummmmmmmmmmm... you ever see that episode of The Twilight Zone with William Shatner? On the plane and the gremlin? No? Oh well. Next!

The Faceless Ones
OK, how about that episode with the girl in the mirror? You seen that one? Or Invasion of the Bodysnatchers? Everyone's seen that? Oh, this story is all about faces in the crowd or... something. Gimme a break, this story is missing, just in case I haven't bitched about it enough.

The Evil of the Daleks
Two episodes of this exist. Or is it episode two exists? I don't care.

The Tomb of the Cybermen
BEST! STORY! EVER!! The other 15-whatever are SHIT! This story has a few sets, even fewer ideas and absolutely no concept of racial tolerance, but I've seen this and can give it more than a third of a page! In fact, if I steal quotes from other people, I can pad it up to four! Oh, and rant about the Borg again! Yes! I'll quote a whole speech from The Best of Both Worlds! AND I GET PAID FOR THIS!!!

The Abominable Snowmen
Meh. Nigel Kneale did it better. I haven't read Millennial Rites.

The Ice Warriors
Woo! Life on Mars predicted before The X-Files! And global warming causes an ice age. No woo. I prefer The Thing from Another World. Oh, Ice Warriors turn up. I think. Next!

The Enemy of the World
It's something to do with spies.

The Web of Fear
The Brigadier is in da house! I still haven't read Millennial Rites.

Fury from the Deep
Evil alien plants were in Space: 1999! So this story must be good!

The Wheel in Space
Meh. Zoe's well fit.

The Dominators
At last, a story I can talk about! And... er... the camerawork is VERY good! With those Duleks getting zapped by the Quacks and things are interesting to look at. Oh, Jame's so much funnier than Tom Baker. I wish someone would break his legs.

The Mind Robber
This story rocks! I just say what happens in it and it sounds cool! It also sounds like a complete rip off of Spock's Brain too, now I come to think about it. And Willy Wonka, Aslan and The Wizard of Oz are in it! ...aren't they?

The Invasion
I'm bored. This bores me. I'll waffle on about Planet 14 and John Levene to fill out the page. Boring boring boring.

The Krotons
Philip Madoc was in Space: 1999! This story is brilliant! Apart from the monsters! And Robert Holmes, he wrote some stuff! YAY!

The Seeds of Death
Whoa! Star Trek stuff about teleports and stuff! You actually SEE things from the Ice Warriors' point of view... well, the camera becomes a bit shakey! And foam! The second episode of Blake's 7 is written as a sequel to the scene where Jamie (or is it the Doctor? I dunno!) falls in some foam! Foam is cool!

The Space Pirates
Um. I haven't seen this. But it must be brilliant! I DECREE IT THUS! Don't ask why, just take it from me: this is a lost classic. NEXT!

The War Games
Sheesh. I'm going to just descibe what happens in the story in more detail that the very, very long synopsis provided and admire the camera work. The Time Lords are utter bastards, even if they do have the Prime Directive from Star Trek. Oh, even though nothing at all happens to the Doctor and Jamie and Zoe until the last five minutes, I spent the whole episode weeping. And not because Voyager stole this plot word for word. Troughton's Doctor is the best and he dies the saddest way - fuck Davison saving the life of one puny human! Gutless nothing, he makes me sick! It's not good, but it's important! AND THAT IS ALL THAT COUNTS!

Next: holy crap, I don't have an excuse now I've run out of missing episodes...


Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

It certainly does sound like he has a unique style - what with his whole thing of writing guide books that barely cover the series in question, instead drawing parallels to other series he likes more constantly over small details. I guess before the internet was invented not many provided that sort of service..

Youth of Australia said...

I suppose not.

I also got "Dusted", Lawrence Miles' guide to Buffy. It's an amazing read, as you can see the author fall out of love with the show with every word typed. By the fourth season, he is bored with it. By the sixth, he despises it. When he finally finishes, it's like the entire show was designed specifically to make his life miserable and everyone who even ENJOYED an episode is scum unworthy of a spine.

The fact the review for every single episode... even the ones Larry liked... was "NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" pretty much sums up his entire philosophy. The guy feels betrayed by absolutely everything for not exceeding his standards. And seems resentful of those who can watch it and just enjoy themselves...

matt311 said...

So, by season seven, Miles hangs himself?

Youth of Australia said...

No, by Season 7 Miles - by his own account - gets rid of every Buffy merchandise he has ever gotten and vows never to see another second of it, as he is "cured" of whatever affection he had for the show.

He then started the About Time series for Doctor Who to - as he notes in the "about the author bits" try and replicate it. And I'm pretty sure he succeeds, as the last book is bumper-length so he can take EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY to slag off RTD, ended with a furious tirade that while the TV series is continuing, no reference guide can ever be complete - so it's ALL RTD's fault!

His incredibly annoying habit of speaking "for everyone" gets completely out of control, as well - apparently, the entire viewing population agree with him in all things. Even calling the Tenth Doctor clone "Oddbob" rather than "Blue Suit" or "10.5", which is what fandom REALLY calls him.

But this probably goes to show that fandom isn't good enough for Larry, since they don't immediately go "ooh, that reminds me of a Carry On film" and refuse to think anything else.

He bugs me.

matt311 said...

Well, then, why don't you go bug him? He'd get what he deserves, that way... ;-)

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, Master Jared and I have encountered him before.

Besides, he doesn't want to be communicated with - his email is secret, his blogs take no comments.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Heh, he did a guide for Buffy? That's hilarious - because as one of my weird jokes I make to myself I was imagining if I was to write a Dollhouse handbook given I now can't stand the show and how it would result in the worst handbook ever. AND LM BEAT ME TO IT! He's so weird he's done stuff I've only imagined doing for the sake of being weird.

People do keep trying to get me to watch DH series 2. You checked any of it out yet. (I'm sure I gave you all the episodes...)

Oh, and on wikipedia I saw amazingly that John Kenneth Muir has made his own online TV series... I can't remember the name now, though.

Youth of Australia said...

I haven't had a chance to see any Dollhouse yet - I only started on some of my Xmas presents yesterday, and my parents wanted to see all of SGU first.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

They have excellent taste.

Youth of Australia said...

It's that sort of household.