Monday, March 10, 2008

Further Torment...

Reformation of the Daleks II
by Ron Mallet

Solak studied the immobile Dalek with fascination.
N: Sexy... sexy sexy sexy.
D: He'll be tagging it next.
A: Why?
D: To complete the Planet of the Daleks rip off, of course.

"I've never been this close to a real Dalek before!"
A: Again, I ask: why in the name of all that is holy are you on this mission?
N: A human sheild?
D: You mean he's wearing the red shirt?
N: That means he's invisible to Daleks.
A: Surely, therefore, all the Thals should be in red?
D: Yes, but they're morons.

"The novelty soon wears off," Nadar snorted
N: Nadar didn't use the Look!
A: Talk about Episode Two syndrome...
D: Why exactly is this Dalek immobile? Please don't say they're ones from the very first TV story.

as he and Tonar studied her electronic map.
A: They do a lot of studying, don't they?
N: And yet, they are always so ignorant.
D: Because Thals are morons.
A: Cheap morons. They can't even afford TWO maps...

It had taken a pathetic amount of time for The Daleks to subdue the crew.
D: I think that says more about the author than it does about the crew.
A: Why would it have taken longer? They all surrendered.
D: I thought they were stunned already.
N: Maybe they were stunned again.
D: Why?
N: Well, it sounds like fun.

They all knelt before the three Daleks
D: Why?
A: Maybe they worship their enemies because of their higher intelligence.
N: That's stupid.
A: Exactly.

and The Doctor on the floor of the bridge.
N: Why are they kneeling before the Doctor?
D: Maybe the Doctor is kneeling as well?
N: I thought this was the Sixth Doctor? Who wouldn't kneel for anyone?
A: Oh yeah. Amazing how these details slip through the cracks, huh?

"Hang on where's Mel?" The Doctor asked.
A: That's what I wanted to know.
N: Mel is where you left her, you brummy twonk.
D: God, this episode isn't half as interesting as part one. Which is damning.

As if to offer an answer, a slight vibration shook the station.
A: The station seems to communicate by vibration.
N: A giant vibrator. Thals are sex obsessed morons.
D: Clearly they share ancestry with Torchwood Three.

The Doctor and The Black Dalek turned around to the main view screen, where a small escape pod could be seen shooting away."Mel!"
A: Jeez, he's leaping to conclusions, isn't he?
D: Maybe it was the Black Dalek talking.
N: Why would the Black Dalek give a shit about Mel?
D: I dunno. He's... nice?
N: Still, why assume an escape pod has Mel in it?
A: It's a small one. Only petite little Mel could squeeze into it?

The Black Dalek operated a communication circuit: "Occupants of pod, report!"
N: What sort of report does he expect? "Pod took off safely"?
D: "Occupants of space station, kiss my Skaroine Aryan ass!"

The image of Nadar holding a gun against Mel's head then filled the screen.
N: I want that for my desktop wallpaper.
A: Maybe it's already wallpaper. I mean, the Daleks subdue the entire crew EXCEPT the Commander and The Doctor's Companion and they don't even notice? Why did no one mention the escape pods as an option before?
D: Shut up, shut up, Nadar's gonna do The Look.

"I might have known... you are a Dalek agent Doctor!" Nadar spat.
N: How rude!
A: You 'might have known'? The guy turns up in a blue box calling himself the Ancient Helper of the Thal People, responding to your distress signal, and attempts to help, but you ignore his advice for a suicide run and then when the Daleks spare EVERYONE you assume the one MOST surprised by this is a Dalek agent? Nadar, YOU are more likely to be a Dalek agent, considering how freaking stupid you've been.
N: I recon it was the Thal Technician who has gone oh so quiet of late.
D: So, how exactly has the Doctor helped the Daleks? If he hadn't been there, the Daleks would still have taken over the station anyway...

"Commander I have been captured with your crew but none of us have been harmed.
D: Um, can't Nadar see that for himself?

In fact The Daleks intend to return all of you back to New Skaro," The Doctor insisted.
D: Didn't Nadar hear that?
A: He was unconscious.
N: Come on, the stun blasts last for about ten seconds. And if it was longer, how come the Daleks didn't capture him?
A: Maybe they assumed he'd be too stupid to harm them?
D: They're right.

"You don't look like a prisoner to me Doctor.
D: So only prisoners kneel? Is that what you're saying?
A: Stop talking, Nadar, just give him The Look.

At least I've captured one Dalek agent.
N: Mel?! The one who didn't even recognize the Daleks? And who has done absolutely nothing? How is capturing her going to do any good?
D: Well, at least he didn't kidnapped her cause he fancied her.
N: She's ginger! The Thal race MUST be kept pure!
A: Or, to put it another way, no genetic diversity leads to inbred morons like the Thals seen so far.

We're headed for New Skaro where she'll be tried and executed. We'll be rid of this Dalek vermin yet!"
D: Yes. One possible spy is bound to bring down the entire Dalek Empire.
A: Yeah, ineffective weaponry, suicide tactics and sheilds that self destruct, all will suddenly no longer be a problem because they killed Mel.
N: It's worth a try.
A: So the Thals consider the Daleks, the most evil race in the universe, who they've been fighting against for all their history... as vermin to be easily wiped out.
D: Maybe Nadar's gone nuts.
N: He shouldn't have held in The Look.

And then he broke the connection.
N: You break it, you buy it!

"I'm sorry Doctor.
All: I'm so sorry.

It would be dangerous to intercept an escape pod in flight," The Black Dalek consoled.
D: What a bunch of wusses. Just use a tractor beam.
A: Surely an escape pod is meant to be easily interceptable, otherwise it's useless to get rescue!
N: I'm sorry, the Black Dalek is consoling people now?

The Doctor watched the escape vanish into the depths of space.
D: The Doctor can see abstract concepts now?
A: Missing: the word "pod". Have you seen this word? Its parents fear for its safety.
N: It doesn't really vanish, either, does it... This sentence is full of shit.

"I must go to New Skaro to rescue her!"
A: Or just use the TARDIS to land around the pod.
D: I think the author has completely forgot about the TARDIS. After all, he simply calls it Blue Box. Maybe the author suffers from memory loss.
N: That explains a fair bit.

"Doctor, The Emperor has requested an audience with you," The Black Dalek informed him.
A: NOW you mention this? Shouldn't that have been back when he was unlikely to object?
N: The Emperor "requests"? POOFTER! There are HUMAN emperors tougher than this loser!
D: Better not be Davros kowtowing.

"I'm very flattered and I will attend but I must first rescue my friend.
N: That rhymes!
A: ...and?
N: And nothing. The dialogue is shithouse.
D: It reminded me a bit of Homer Simpson. "I am very flattered and I will subscribe to your newsletter."

I don't think she could survive a Thal interrogation let alone imprisonment and trial..." The Doctor babbled.
A: Babble? Babble?! BABBLE?!?
N: Is this supposed to be the Sixth Doctor?
D: Surely the Thals will find out that Mel is a human being and not a duplicate, so she'll be fine. And a few clip round the ears will take her down a peg.
A: I'm shocked Mel didn't simply scream and render Nadar unconscious, allowing her to get the gun.
N: Ah, well, Mel was intimidated by The Look.
D: It's what The Look is for.

"It will take some time for the pod to reach New Skaro.
D: "So they'll probably suffocate on the way."
N: "Especially with Mel screaming so much."
A: So despite being in Dalek territory, Thal escape pods can easily travel all the way back to their home planet. Isn't that a teeny bit fuel inefficient? Why not go to the next station?
N: I'm still confused that the Thals haven't worked out what a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys the Daleks have become.
D: The Thals are morons. The Daleks were probably always like this... the Thals' stupidity drove them to exterminate them.

In that time it would be possible for The Emperor to grant you an immediate audience.
N: "Grant" him? I thought the Emperor was "requesting" an audience?
A: Why don't they just chat over a communicator?

The Emperor wants to discuss his plans for galactic peace with you!"
A: "Exterminate the Thals!" seems a good bet for what those plans are.
D: Trouble is, that plan makes complete and utter sense. Things could be so much better without the Thals...
A: Wait a minute. It's "galactic peace with you", with the Doctor. He's just trying to sweet talk the Doctor into not nuking him!
N: Dear God, one scene discussing him and he's anal raped the reputation of the Daleks more than even that Kitkat Commercial! Never mind the Nation Estate, if RTD tried this, his own production team would have strung him up before he clicked "print"...

This took The Doctor back for a moment
D: A moment to when the Black Dalek told him that. Satisfied, the Doctor returned to the present.
A: Clearly Ronny doesn't quite get the phrase "the Doctor was taken aback", and mangles it up.

before he collected himself and replied: "How close are we to Skaro?"
"Many light years but we can take you there instantaneously in the DARDIS I have summoned from Skaro," The Black Dalek explained.
All: WHAT?!
A: Why did the Black Dalek summon it before telling the Doctor? Why not use the... the thing to capture the escape pod? Or go to New Skaro and rescue Mel?
D: No, no, recheck. He said "DARDIS". Let me repeat that. "DARDIS".
N: The name they refused to let Nation use.
A: What the hell does DARDIS stand for? Daleks And Relative Dimensions In Space?
D: Daleks have their own dimension?
N: Of course. Where else did Nick Briggs come from?
A: Dalek Automatic Robotic Dimensional Intergalactic Ship... no, this is just retarded.

"Ah, yes. I've been hunted by one of them before!"
N: Egads! A reference to The Chase!
A: Written by someone who didn't realize it happened AGAIN in The Dalek Masterplan.
D: Why are the Daleks using... those things... when they have time corridors instead?
N: I dunno. Maybe only Evil Daleks can use time corridors?

"The Daleks are no longer an aggressive species," The Black Dalek explained.
N: Wow, thank goodness you told us. Sparing everyone's lives wasn't enough.

"You're losing the galactic war on all fronts are you?"
D: Did we turn over two pages at once? If the Daleks are no longer aggressive, why would they be fighting a war?
A: If the Daleks are no longer agressive, why were they dubbed the aggressor in part one?
N: The Daleks aren't losing the war - three of them wiped out a Thal outpost!
D: Is that something to impress?
N: Point.

"We have sued for peace but it has not been universally granted," The Black Dalek responded.
D: Well, you DO keep attacking people when they enter your territory...
N: Isn't this a reference to the comic strips where the Golden Emperor has to sign a contract to leave humanity alone?
A: Maybe. I think Ronny's gone nuts, to be honest. How come the Daleks are telling everyone "We've changed?" but the Thals don't notice?
D: They're morons!
N: Ok, how come the Doctor doesn't remember this rather momentous turn in Dalek history?
A: Well, read on and find out.

"You're in some kind of trouble I can sense that," The Doctor declared.
A: Oh, he does declare!
D: These are the same senses that told you the destroyed sheild generator could be fixed, or the ones that told you, later on, that it couldn't?
A: Or the ones that told you, on no evidence that Mel was on the pod?
N: Or the ones that you use to repeatedly ignore her?

A square box materialised before them and the access panel slid open.
A: They could have used the TARDIS, you know. I mean, would have been an act of trust, and since... Daleks have time travel machines bigger on the inside... there's no secrets for them to steal.

"An invitation not to be refused it seems..." The Doctor commented and stepped inside, half-heartedly as if it were against his better judgement.
A: Why does Ronny keep saying "as if"? Isn't he sure?
N: I'm not sure either.
D: I notice the Doctor hasn't checked that the Daleks won't slaughter the Thals the moment he's gone?
N: Why should he?
D: Well, wouldn't YOU want to stay to see them dead?
A: Why not use the ... the thing to drop the Thals off home? It'd be quicker.

It rematerialised in an instant in The Emperor's chamber.
N: Um, it didn't actually DEmaterialize in the first place.
A: I thought those things could travel THROUGH time, not just space.

The Doctor stepped out into the dark.
N: We didn't even get to see inside! Is it bigger on the inside? Is it pop art? Are there any Daleks inside?
D: He might as well have stepped into a toilet.

The chamber had a transparent dome roof and the main figure dominating the room was the massive form of The Emperor.
D: Odd how, you know, it's still so dark.
A: Is this supposed to be the room from Evil of the Daleks?
N: Doesn't seem to be, judging from the description.
D: And that means a lot, doesn't it?

"Welcome Doctor."
A pseudo-Dalek itself, The Emperor had a collection of tubes emanating from its casing.

A: Don't explain WHY it has the tubes, what they're for or anything.

"A most remarkable time capsule Emperor.
A: Yeah, compliment him on having power rivalling the Time Lords. Why not give a few more hints? Tell him about the Hand of Omega! That'll make nice small talk.
N: Seriously, is this supposed to be the Sixth Doctor?

You seem much as I remember," The Doctor commented.
N: Except you were shot to pieces and exploded last time.

"You will find much has changed in the intervening centuries Doctor.
D: "Like me coming back to life after being blown to smithereens on screen!"
A: "And my anger management therapy has worked like a charm."
N: "And there's some CSO backdrops instead of black drapes."... what?
D: Nothing. You got better ideas for interior design?
N: Shut up, hetero boy!

We are the race under siege!"
A: Then how come you can kick the ass out of a bunch of Thal explorers without breaking sweat?
D: You keep assuming the Thals are in any way relevent.

The chamber was at once illuminated to show hundreds of motionless Daleks. The angles of their eye-sticks and gun stalks suggested that they were indeed dead.
D: So... where they pointing up or down?
N: Thank goodness the Thals aren't here. They'd lose control and indulge in necrophilia.
A: Why didn't the Emperor clean out his chamber? Why didn't the Doctor bump into them in the dark?

"How did this happen... here on Skaro?"
A: Why does it being on Skaro require the drammatic pause?
D: In fact, they may not BE on Skaro. It might be somewhere else.
N: The... thing... came from Skaro.
D: But did it return?

"A virus Doctor. Created by a future incarnation of yourself," The Emperor answered.
D: A virus. Why not the Movellans?
N: Wait a minute, this is from He Jests At Scars! The Valeyard uses a rust virus to destroy the Daleks!
A: But he did that at the beginning of thier history!
N: Oh yeah. This is messed up.

"Surely not!"
"At the direction of the High Council of course," The Emperor added.
D: Oh, well, that makes it all worthwhile then. So, the Seventh or Eighth Doctors indulge in genocide.
A: Ineffective genocide.
D: So the Daleks are forced to become good.
N: So the Doctor can then nuke Skaro with the Hand of Omega.
A: Ronny hasn't thought this through, has he? Why doesn't the Emperor have the Doctor exterminated, so his future self can never use the virus? He's not even remotely pissed off about the whole business and we all know how excitable Emperor Daleks can get.

The Doctor walked among the hundreds of dead Daleks.
"What do you want?"

A: Is he asking the dead Daleks?
D: "We don't want to be dead any more."
N: "Tough!"
D: "Worth a try."

"I want you to save us Doctor!"
A: Wow. Didn't see that coming!
N: How exactly is that conversation "discussing plans for galactic peace"?
A: How exactly is the Emperor safe from the virus when surrounded by disease ridden corpses?
D: How exactly is it that you two convinced me to take part in this?

The three Thal infiltrators made their way deeper and deeper into the complex.
A: I thought they were in the bunker.
D: Why were they worried about sentries when all the Daleks are dead?

At time it felt as if they had turned back in the direction of the entrance point.
D: You mean they felt they were going 'round in circles'?
A: What a suitable phrase. If only the author had heard it.
N: Why are they worried about "feelings"? They've got a fucking map!

The hope that all The Daleks were dead was silently building.
D: Take that sentence out the back and shoot it. Twice.
N: Blow the mother away, put it out of its misery.

At a signal from Nadar they halted to catch their breaths.
N: At last! The Look!
D: How do you know the "signal" was a look?
N: Why would Nadar use any other kind of signal?

"Perhaps the virus has completely wiped them out?" Solak suggested.
N: Er... what were you expecting?
A: Why couldn't they have found this out from the ship? Why did they come all the way out here?
D: I keep telling you - Thals are morons!

"We should be so lucky!" Nadar mocked.
All: Lucky, lucky, lucky!
N: Of course Kylie is a Thal!
D: She can't be, she's intelligent!
A: Well, maybe they've devolved since her?
N: Nadar has two modes - mocking snorting sarcasm and The Look. I know which I prefer.

"Not far from internal penetration point," Tonar commented as she studied her electronic map, trying to repress a smile.
N: that some kind of smutty inuendo?
A: Shouldn't inuendo make sense?
D: Thals are morons, but this is just stupid.
A: What "internal penetration point"? You mean the front door? The one you came in by?

"That's what I thought. We'd better eat while we can. Then we go and find our mark." Nadar decided.
N: Oh, he's so butch!
D: He's so ruthless!
N: He's so dashing!
A: If they just landed the ship outside, they wouldn't be in this mess...

Mel woke up in what looked like Doctor Frankenstein's laboratory.
D: A stone castle filled with electrodes?
A: When did Mel fall asleep? Last we saw she was in an escape pod! Awake! With a gun at her neck!

Robotic limbs littered the room.
D: She's obviously read a different Frankenstein to the one I have.
N: Have they returned to the Festival of Ghana, like in The Chase?
A: That would be retarded enough to be about right.

She was laying on a table and her middle was strapped by some flexible metal strap.
A: So. She was strapped... by a strap?
N: Kinky! Those sexy Thals, even their interrogation cells are full of sex aides!

On the table next to her lay the partly disconnected body of Commander Nadar.
D: Disconnected from what?
A: I think Ronny means "dismembered". Or "dismantled".
N: Does this mean that Nadar is some kind of robot duplicate?

He had been an android.
D: HAD been an android. What is he now?
A: If Mel's asleep, how does she know Nadar was an android? She might have been with the real one, and that happens to be a completely different robot duplicate?

She had to find The Doctor and warn him.
N: Huh? Warn him of what?
D: Where does she think she is? She was on an escape pod heading for New Skaro. She's light years away from the Doctor, and wants to warn him about a robot.
A: They must have removed her brain.

The strap restricted her mobility to s surprising degree.
N: Not THAT surprising. I mean, why tie her up unless you wanted her NOT to move around.
A: They MUST have removed her brain. She's unable to outthink Chatham at the moment...
D: "To s suprising degree"? SPELL CHECK IS REQUIRED. BRING IT HERE!

However she could easily reach the other table. There was a sharpish shard of metal on it and she reached for it.
D: How convenient.
A: How stupid? Who ties you up but leaves your arms free AND sharp objects in easy reach?
D: Thals?

Without warning The Commander's arm jerked to life and grabbed her hand.
N: Is that arm connected to Nadar?
D: Why is it stopping Mel from escaping?
A: Why didn't they restrain her arms before hand?

"Are you sure it was me?"
D: I'm guessing that's the Doctor talking.
N: Why is he acting so suspicious? Does he think it was Maxil?
A: Why not just ask the Emperor for proof?

The Emperor was beginning to display signs of frustration: "You were acting on the authority of The High Council as you have done so before."
A: More bleeding repetition.
D: Yes, as you've said already...

The Doctor had sat himself down on one of the massive cables that ran out of The Emperor's outer casing.
N: Someone who hasn't actually seen the Emperor Dalek to scale wrote this.
D: The Emperor is taking this way too calmly. It's ridiculous to expect we'll believe the Daleks have genuinely repented! If they were still being rude and arrogant, it might be credible that they have been forced to reign themselves in, but this is stupid.
A: If you want a sequel to Evil with Nice Daleks, just say the Human Daleks survived.
N: But they didn't.
D: Minor details at this point...

"Why haven't you been able to develop an antidote?"
"The DNA of the virus is based on the Gallifreyian genetic structure and in that sense is more like a maze tan a set pattern," The Emperor explained.

D: "Tan a set pattern"? Spell check, damn you!
N: This is a rip off of Final Genesis, where he says "Time Lord DNA is a maze, not a spiral".
A: Why the hell would the Time Lords make a virus like themselves? Isn't that dangerous?
D: Maybe it's a virus that kills non-Gallifreyans.
A: But not the Emperor...
N: This is so suss. How could anyone fall for this shit?

"I see," was all The Doctor could manage.
A: Jesus Christ.

The three Thals had slipped in to The Dalek capital.
N: So this is the Dalek City. That was destroyed in Evil of the Daleks. Which, for the sake of argument, has been rebuilt. But somehow the bunker and the trenches have not in any way effected them?
D: Thals are morons. Thals are morons. Thals are morons.

Following Nadar's lead, the junior officers drew their weapons.
N: The Look Returns.
A: They didn't have their weapons out already? What is wrong with these prats?!
D: Thals are morons. Thals are morons. Thals are morons. Thals are morons.

Solak then completed his ritualistic recon of the immediate area.
N: "Ritualistic"? Did he sacrifice a sheep or something?

"Empty," he whispered.
Nadar shook his head.
A: You mean, it's NOT empty?

"If you live long enough Solak you'll learn to sense when they are near," he explained.
N: Again! WHY SEND SOLAK IN? Do they want him dead?
D: All Thals are morons. Thals are morons. All Thals are morons.

Tonar was once again studying her map which she clung to like a security blanket:
A: Tonar doesn't have much of a personality, does she?
N: I dislike these disturbing references to her rubbing herself against things she studies.
A: Why do you dislike them?
N: Not enough of them.
A: Seriously, they couldn't have a map each?!
D: All Thals are morons.

"This is the point where we need to separate to cover the maximum amount of space in the allotted time."
N: You might have had more time if you hadn't stopped for lunch.

"Excellent. Once you have located the mark, take him out and then send a signal to the others. We are to follow the main ventilation shaft out of the capital and back up to the surface. Whoever isn't back after one planetary rotation gets left behind, clear?"
A: Or, to put another day, "you've got one day left to get back".
N: I don't get this plan. If all the Daleks are dead, why are they so scared of reprisals?
D: All Thals are morons.

Tonar and Solak nodded.
"As was explained in the briefing,

A: A briefing? I'd never have guessed!

it is difficult to obtain an accurate description of the mark other than he his humanoid and has a liking for flamboyant alien dress. He must be stopped at all costs."
D: "He his humanoid?"
N: Are they after Zaphod Beeblebrox?
A: No, it's the Doctor? Why are they so fucking coy! The "mark" is the Doctor! It's freaking obvious!
N: Obviously not enough, because they have to repeat the instructions all the time.
A: How do they even know the Doctor is on Skaro?!
D: All Thals are morons.

"Can we know his name Commander," Sonar asked.
N: How does knowing his name help?
A: Why didn't you ask this at the briefing?
D: All Thals are morons.

"He is known,
A: He is known? Yes, gathered that!

as The Doctor."
N: Give. Me. Strength.

Mel continued to struggle against the arm of the android Commander. She had realised by now that it has gripped her in a reflex action. An idea struck her as she tried relaxing, which made the android release its grip. Grabbing the shard of metal she cut the strap with some difficulty and jumped off the table.
N: Well, that was pointless.
D: What sort of workman leaves a dismantled robot still working like reflex?
A: If the arm grabbed her on reflex to her moving, why didn't it grab her again next time?

"Perhaps I should consult with The High Council. Petition them for leniency on your behalf?" The Doctor suggested.
N: What is this madness? This is a post-Trial Doctor for crying out loud!
A: Just cure the virus! I mean, the Emperor has been exposed to the virus but is still alive, so he must have SOME resistance, and the Doctor can easily turn that into a cure!
D: Dear God, it's like seeing the creators of the Teletubbies trying to give a decent script for Cracker...

"There is no time Doctor. In a matter of hours my species will cease to exist.
A: How very convenient. What were they planning to do before they realized the Doctor was around?
D: You have a time machine! Surely that counts for something.
N: I'm confused. Are the Daleks on the station infected or what?

Afterwards you can consult the Council. Even if this were a ploy it would take sometime to renew ourselves to the point that we could become a threat," The Emperor pleaded.
A: "Not that it is a ploy. Oh, no, I'm being completely honest."
N: This has gone from insulting my intelligence to gang raping it and streaming it over the net.

"I'm not sure..."
D: Nor am I. This is rubbish.

"It is you duty as a Time-Lord!"
A: That's chutzpah, that is!
D: He'll be asking the Doctor to have pity next!
N: If he does, I carry out operation: microwave.

"What about my companion Mel?"
N: "What about your companion Mel?"
D: "I forget."
N: "So do I. Where were we?"
D: "We were here, we haven't moved!"
A: Great gag!

"I have already contacted New Skaro Doctor
D: New Skaro Doctor? What a stupid name for a planet.
N: Yeah, the Doctor could get in a bit of trouble having planets named after him.
D: Surely the Sixth would insist on it?
A: BUT THIS TIME-WASTING WANKER ISN'T THE SIXTH! God damn, he's all but suggesting texting Torchwood!

and am in negotiations for her release. She is more likely to be returned to you unharmed if you allow me to deal with the matter."
N: "In that case, I shall handle it myself and make the bitch suffer."
A: Why would the Doctor believe the Emperor has any influence when Mel's been captured because she MIGHT be in league with the Daleks! Are they going to listen to the Emperor of the bastards saying, "She's not a spy, so send her directly to me?"
D: All Thals are morons.
A: Oh yeah.

"Yes, but still I can't go against The High Council!"

"I have noticed they keep you on a very short leash Doctor," The Emperor taunted.
N: ...I give up. I can't make sense of this. Even if there is some explanation for the Emperor coming back from the dead, where the hell did it get this info from? There's only one time the Doctor went on a Time Lord mission the Daleks know about, and that was to stop them being born.
A: You know, the Emperor's subtlelty is truly amazing. He's calling the Doctor a loser and trying to provoke him into doing what the Emperor wants.
D: My god! He's reversed the polarity of the psychology flow!
A: No, no, reverse psychology would be saying "Sure, be the Time Lord's lackey." He's going, "be a man!"
N: Yeah. Cause a giant novelty vibrator calling itself Emperor is the yardstick of all manliness.
D: The Thals studied the Emperor. "Does that make you feel horny?"

"I'll do it," snorted The Doctor
A: Is there a cold going round?
D: Working for the Man! Doctor Tool Doc, Doctor Tool!

"but I'll need unlimited access to your resources."
A: Is that a polite way of asking to move all the Dead Daleks out of the way?
D: Why did the Doctor assume the Emperor would be stingy with resources?
A: "You want to save my entire species, Doctor? Fine! But the executive washroom is ALL mine!"
N: "Through that executive washroom, I shall be set up amongst the Gods!"

"Of course Doctor anything you require that is in my power to grant, is yours," The Emperor purred.
N: Purred? The Emperor's a fucking CAT now?
D: I think it's Davros.
A: Yeah right. Like ol' Davo will be lame enough to turn up in this shit.
N: Besides, this is the Emperor from Evil. How would that work?
D: Who says it has to work? This is Mallet material, people.
A: ... Dave's right, we don't need to read further.

The Doctor was escorted from the chamber by The Black Dalek.
A: Who sprang into existence as was his want?
D: Did the Black Dalek follow him in the... I refuse to say it?
A: The Doctor gave him a piggy back ride.
N: That's stupid. Which, in this story, counts as intriguing characterization.

Another Dalek approached The Emperor.
A: The Emperor rang its bell and moaned, "Unclean! UNCLEAN!"
D: "I'm getting better! I feel happy! I FEEL HAPEEE!"

"Emperor, there are three Thal intruders in the complex."
A: "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
D: "Jesus Christ, bitch, I'm telling you now! Like, God, gimme a break already!"
N: I assumed that the Emperor is wired into the heart of the City specifically so Daleks don't have to rush up to him with these reports.
D: Maybe the Doctor sat on the cable with that info in it?
A: Hmm. The Arse of the Time Lords, the ultimate weapon!

An image of them conversing was projected up onto the domed roof.
D: Well, THAT completely justifies a vulnerable spot in the chamber. Don't use a small screen or just absorb the info, project it on the skylight!

"That is to be expected," The Emperor answered in a calm manner,
A: Now, if I was writing this, I would have said "the Emperor answered calmly".
N: Yes, well, you're a hack.
A: How dare you?
N: Not as bad as the scum behind THIS atrocity, though.
A: Nigel, I may weep openly.

"activate the mechanism."
A: What mechanism?
N: Who cares? Nadar can stop it with The Look.
D: I've gone right off Nadar. He's a shadow of his old self.
A: And considering how shallow he was to start with, that's a big downturn.

Mel wandered into what appeared to be a storage bay.
A: So, she's NOT, as previously stated, in Frankenstein's lab?
D: Now she's wandering! One minute before she was racing off to warn the Doctor! Make your mind up girl.

There were shelves full of various Dalek appendages and crates full of electronic equipment.
N: Do you think the Daleks are being disingenous?
D: I think the Daleks are being damn stupid. They don't tie her up properly and then surround her with evidence not only revealing there is some Android Invasion ripoff happening, but that THEY are at the heart of it. Why not put up a sign saying, "WE'RE REALLY EEEEVIL!" for God's sake!

A number of incomplete androids stood a the far fall
D: Far fall?
N: Yes, remember the Doctor describer the "far fall fefen fpafe fuiff" in The Faffe of Effiff?"
A: Ffffffffff offff, Verkofffff.

and amongst them with his back to her was The Doctor.
N: Egads! The Doctor was with the Emperor. Could he somehow have escaped the Black Dalek and found her?
A: That would be missing a fair bit of plot. And thus, given Ronny the Writer, dangerously plausible.
D: So, the Doctor's arrived here, and is now standing conveniently with his back to her while staring at android duplicates.
A: This wouldn't be the build-up to a cliffhanger, would it?
N: Yes, but it's the cliffhanger to The Android Invasion not Reformation of the Daleks.

Her first thought was that he was inspecting the androids.
N: What was her second thought?
A: Trick question! Ten point penalty!
N: Fuck!

As if sensing her presence, The Doctor turned. The face plate on The Doctor-android was missing.
D: Oh, well, no suspense there.
N: He just TOLD us it was an android! For Christ's sake!
A: Who is the idiot who leaves unfinished androids around the place anyway?

His eyes hung from wires.
All: Eww.

Mel screamed.
D: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
N: Hah! Mel cannot stand the Awesome Power Of the LOOK!!
A: I cannot stand the Awful Prose of the Mallet!
N: What's scarier? The cliffhanger or the fact there are TWO more episodes to go? be continued

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