Reformation of the Daleks III
by Ron Mallet
The real Doctor stood outside the main laboratory with his escort.
D: If this the main lab, what are the minor ones?
A: The ones that Frankenstein uses, obviously, as he pointlessly disassembles androids.
N: I like how Ronny reassures us that the Doctor is real. Cause, you know, it was never in doubt.
D: Yep. Maybe if RoboDoc had been with Mel for a bit, got her trusting him, maybe, maybe...
N: Do we really need to see more plagiarism from The Android Invasion?
D: I'm game. We'll see who rusts first!
N: As in the late Dent Arthur Dent.
D: Oh, poor Douglas. Thank goodness he never had to suffer through this...
The Dalek operated the door mechanism and led The Doctor inside. Solak was watching from a nearby alcove.
D: I like this functional dialogue.
A: I don't. It's telling us far too much. Solak should have appeared from nowhere.
D: How come the Dalek didn't notice him?
N: He's wearing red, remember.
A: OK, why is there an alcove near the doorway for the main lab? Is it for the sole use of Thal assassins?
D: More to the point, what are the chances that the most inexperienced and useless of Thals would be the one in the position to execute the Doctor?
A: Remind me, WHY are the Thals out to murder their folk hero? How do they know he's on Skaro? How do they know he can change his face? And most important of all, why are we taking part in this.
N: That's dangerous talk, Andrew. Keep that up you might negate your own existance.
A: Go suck on a fendahleen, Nigel.
N: And that's what I tell the ladies.
D: And what do the ladies reply?
N: They just sort of back away. Very slowly. Let us talk of other things.
As The Doctor passed through the doorway, he took aim...
N: Well that was stupid, he should have aimed FIRST, then fired!
A: He's a callow youth, untarnished by a single thought. Forgive him his stupidity.
N: Are we talking about Solak or Mallet?
D: All Thals are morons.
Solak's finger tightened on the trigger just as the door slid closed.
D: Missed it by that much!
The energy blot simply burnt deep into the metal.
D: "Blot"? Spell checker! Where have you gone!
A: Burns metal? Surely it'd melt it?
D: So niether the Doctor or the Dalek noticed the sound of the shot or anything.
N: The Doctor's probably so used to assassination attempts, he'd only notice their absence?
D: STOP JUSTIFYING THIS SHIT!
Realising he had failed, he retreated down the corridor to put some serious distance between himself and any Daleks on sentry duty in the area.
N: He'd tried putting some not-so-serious distance between them, but that hadn't worked. Putting some can-barely-keep-a-straight-face distance had turned out to be a stupid move, even by Thal standards.
A: I'm sorry, what is wrong with him? Open the door and shoot him properly!
D: All Thals are morons!
A: That excuse is going to burn out sooner or later.
Before he had to report to Commander Nadar that he had ruined the mission.
N: ...well? Before that, what? What is so important you have to do it before facing The Look?
D: Go to the toilet I assume!
A: Daleks have no concept of flush sanitation.
N: He can use an empty casing.
A: How exactly has Solak ruined the mission any more than simply being alive? The Daleks haven't let off an alarm, the Doctor doesn't know anyone's after him, so they still have the element of surprise.
N: Except the Emperor knows all about it.
A: Yeah, but as far as the Thals know, things are still sweet.
D: All Thals are morons.
N: Yeah. Quite.
The Doctor spun around on his heels and felt the heat emanating from the door.
A: Wow, he's quick!
D: So I guess Solak HAS ruined the mission.
A: He doesn't KNOW he has. He's just assuming.
N: It's Solak, so assuming the worst case scenario is really rather sensible.
"That was an energy discharge! Did you hear it?"
N: You can hear heat emenating from a door? What are you, synaesthetic?
D: No, he's saying, "Did you hear it?" as in, "Did you hear me just say there was an energy discharge?"
A: So the Dalek is hard of hearing now?
The Black Dalek ignored him and began to activate pieces of laboratory equipment.
D: The Black Dalek sprang up again! What happened to the Dalek escort?
N: Making the tea?
A: Ah, the Daleks are blanking him the way he blanks Mel. The bitter cycle continues.
"You're not having trouble here in the capital are you?"
N: The capitol? Ronny's mixing his iconic Who cities! The Capitol is on GALLIFREY you pratt!
D: How can there be a capitol when the City is one big building?
A: The Doctor is at the heart of the Dalek Empire surrounded by his oldest and deadliest of enemies, and when someone shoots at him, is he suspicious of the Daleks?
D: They must have removed his brain as well.
The Black Dalek replied as he slid back to the door:
A: "SOME BASTARDS MOPPED THE FLOORS AGAIN! ASSIST! ASSIST!"
D: Is it the Black Dalek sliding back to the door, or is it the Doctor?
N: The Doctor can moonwalk?
A: The Whowalk?
D: That's worse than DARDIS!
N: DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT AS A NOUN IN MY PRESENCE EVER AGAIN!!!
"You will proceed. There is little time."
A: Oh yeah, that oh so deadly virus' lunch breach ends in an hour's time.
N: I'm no forensic pathologist, but this virus seems very strange indeed. Could the Emperor be lying?
A: You're saying Daleks can tell falsehoods? How dare you? What next? Force feed a rabbi ham sandwiches?!
D: Oh that's right, Daleks, leave your mortal enemy alone in a chamber full of chemicals and samples of a virus that can destroy your entire species - a mortal enemy who loves slaughtering the opposition with his bare hands! All Daleks are morons too!
The Doctor shrugged.
D: Shrugged? Shrugged?! SHRUGGED?!?
N: Who is this git and what has he done with the Doctor? He makes Chatham look pro-active!
A: How can such a rabid Colinophile get him so wrong? Make no mistakes, Colin Baker wouldn't behave like that on screen - blindly trusting Daleks, showing no curiosity, falling for manipulation so unsophisticated it wouldn't work on sex dolls...
Mel watched in horror as The android Doctor placed on his face plate.
D: "Placed on his face plate"? Stop beating the shit out of the English language, what did it do to you!
A: The android doesn't get capitalized. More discrimination.
N: So Mel screams at seeing an android, and finds herself horrified when it covers up its real face. Make your mind up, woman!
A: And why is she so scared of the android? Has it tried to hurt her? It's not like she can be surprised that there are androids around her.
D: Mel's brain is in a jar.
A: Next to Cassandra.
N: Behind Morbius.
D: And on top of Lister.
A: Buddoom tish!
"You will return to our cell Mel.
A: At pelt mel.
N: Aw hell!
D: What's this "our cell"? Mel was never in a cell, let alone one with the android Doctor.
A: I notice the android Doctor is even MORE out of character than the real one!
D: Dalek duplicates are shithouse.
You may be required to persuade The Doctor to cooperate."
A: ...so... how does the android Doctor fit into this plan?
It had The Doctor's voice but it had an amoral quality.
N: Of all the things to pick up on...
D: So, basically, it sounds just like the Doctor when he's in one of his moods.
Mel began to back away as The Doctor stepped towards her.
A: Oh, look at her, it was The android Doctor a moment ago.
N: Now he's got a face on.
D: Mel's so shallow.
A: So she's starting to feel like her old self then?
The Daleks had gone to great lengths to be accurate.
D: Apart from the face falling off. Repeatedly.
A: And apparently making the voice wrong.
In fact, Mel noticed a facsimile of The Doctor's coat hanging nearby.
D: So, it couldn't be the genuine coat stolen, then?
A: Wait, the android's not wearing the coat? Well, then the cliffhanger was ruined! How can you get an iconic robo-Doctor image if he's not in costume!
N: Remember The Fangs of Time?
N: Oh. Well, it ends with the Fourth Doctor turning round and he's got a robot face and everything... and it's kinda... ... I agree with you is basically what I'm saying.
As quickly as she could Mel grabbed the coat and slung it over the head of the android. All at once it stopped moving
A: Because, like a parrot, the android thought it was night time and quietly went to sleep.
D: Jesus Christ, how stupid is this thing?
N: I can't believe we have a genius at computers given access to android technology... and the best she can do is throw a jacket over his head and hope for the best!
and Mel took full advantage of this by pelting out of the room.
A: Pelt mel!
N: So, Mel runs back to the not-a-bit-like-Frankenstein's lab, then? Cause I don't remember any other exit, and why would the Daleks leave the door open?
A: This Mel subplot is like antimatter, destroying what little credibility the plot had.
D: Imagine if we could harness this anti-plot-matter. With we could, dare I say it, RULE THE WORLD?!
N: Or maybe not.
Nadar was making progress along his route
D: Who's he trying to shag now?
N: Stupid sex-obsessed Thals humping corpses of Daleks.
A: "Three down, five billion to go!"
N: "I hope Tonar's got that twelve year old girl and donkey ready for the big finish!"
when he heard footsteps.
A: Oh, so the Dalek City doesn't have that wierd echoy noise in the tunnels?
N: Or the Trademarked Dalek Heartbeat.
D: If it's so quiet, then... I dunno. Stuff makes no sense.
Somebody humanoid was running.
A: What deductive brilliance!
D: What unparalleled genius!
N: What a load of shit!
Female from the sound of it.
N: You can tell footsteps' gender?
D: Maybe she's shouting at the top of her voice, "I am woman, hear me roar in colours too big to ignore..."?
A: Maybe she's wearing high heeled shoes?
N: Maybe she's not wearing a bra and he can hear her breasts bouncing as she runs?
A: Dude. It's. Mel.
N: ... OK. I really am sorry about that. Really.
Mel rounded the corner and Nadar made a split-second decision to holster his weapon.
A: However, he didn't have time to actually holster his weapon and so simply decided to shoot her anyway.
D: Actually, what weapon is the Thal Commando using? An ineffective blue laser maybe? Or just a pointed stick?
N: Nadar needs no weapons. Nada has The Look. Worship him! WORSHIP HIM!
Mel froze at the sight of him.
N: Ahah! The Look wins again!
A: Clearly that ominous freezing in part one was Nadar's Look getting out of control.
N: With great Looking abilities comes great responsibility.
D: And Thals suck at both.
"Who are you?" Nadar asked gently.
N: Gently, so when he used The Look again, its lethal power would be even MORE potent!
It's you!" Mel cried.
D: Why's she crying?
A: She lost an inverted comma.
N: She must be an android! Only the fake Commander Station Commander Nadar android Nada loses apostrophes!
A: Mel is amazed that the android duplicate was based on a real person? In the exact same way the Doctor was?
"Quiet. The Daleks might hear.
N: Might? You can hear a pin drop! OF COURSE THEY CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU!
D: But Daleks are deaf. At least the Black one is.
I'm looking for The Doctor," he told her.
N: Oh, sure, tell a complete stranger everything!
D: He doesn't suspect that maybe Mel might be a Dalek agent? Coz the other Nadar did.
A: Maybe he thinks she's the Doctor's companion and assumes she'll blindly help him assassinate him.
N: Cunning bastard!
Realising she had just left the android Nadar behind and that this one might actually be a human being or an approximation of one, Mel wandered closer.
A: Is she insulting him here?
N: Well, since that sentence insults Mel more than I can, maybe she earns it.
D: Why would the real Nadar be human when his android was a Thal?
A: Why would the real Nadar be trustworthy enough for her to run towards? Does she still think she is in 19th century Europe at Baron Van Fronkensteen's place?
D: MEL IS A MORON!
"So am I. I think The Daleks are trying to trick him," she explained.
D: Huh? How?
A: At least she's realized that a bunch of androids in a Dalek factory might somehow mean the Daleks are involved.
N: But why does she think the Daleks are trying to trick him rather than put a gun to his head?
"Yes. I'm on a secret... rescue mission," Nadar lied.
D: Subtle, man. That long, long pause doesn't suggest anything.
N: Quick, give her The Look before she gets suspicious!
"You're exactly the same as the Thal Commander we met on the station!"
N: Too late!
D: Oh, so she's remembered he's not human then?
A: Why is she surprised? Is she going to tell the Doctor he looks exactly like the android duplicate she put to sleep? Why hasn't she realized that the Thal Commander was an android? Or has she forgotten that she realized that? And why is she assuming that this Nadar is genuine? HAS SHE NEVER HEARD OF MASS PRODUCTION!?
"What station? I don't understand..." Nadar pondered.
N: She means the outpost, the opinion forum.
A: Pondered? No, asking a dumb question doesn't mean pondering!
"There's something going on here that I'm not following either," Mel admitted.
A: Yes, my dear. We call it... the Plot.
N: And cue The Look!
D: Remind me, what IS the plot?
A: Well, apparently... a future Doctor decimates the Dalek Empire by, at the request of the CIA, using a seemingly shithouse virus. The remaining Daleks sue for peace in their few remaining hours, and then attack a Thal outpost run by one of their own androids. Then, shock, the Sixth Doctor and Mel arrive, only for them both to be abducted and taken to Skaro. The Emperor bullies the Sixth Doctor into agreeing to find a cure, well knowing genuine Thals are in the city on orders to blow the Doctor's head clean off his shoulders. And Mel, having believed herself to be in Frankenstein's lab, escapes the most pathetic robots ever, and manages to meet up with the one Thal that she might recognizes who just happens to be on a secret mission.
N: Sweet God, we need a script editor STAT!
D: What do you think is the moral of the story so far?
A: Ron Mallet should not be allowed to write.
"Listen let me come with you, even if its just at a distance. You'll be safer near me for obvious reasons and we seem to have the same objective," Nadar suggested.
D: That's a lot of suggestions. Why not put a gun to her head?
N: Or give her The Look?
A: How can Nadar be a help if he's at a distance? Why should Mel believe she's safe with him? And why does Nadar "seem" to have the same objective when he's just told her it's exactly the same!
D: All Thals are morons?
"Okay," Mel agreed.
D: Mel, I'm sorry, you're just too stupid to stay on.
N: Not even Spartha J is this moronic!
A: Not even the WELSH are that moronic!
Solak was sure he was being followed.
A: He blushed and giggled and wondered if it was that nice man from the greengrocer?
N: Or the strange, blood-spattered enigmatic figure with the chainsaw whispering, "come out, come out, little piggies!" to himself?
D: Unable to contain his passion any more, Solak turned and embraced his follower...
N: ...who turned out to be a number 9 bus.
A: Solak never lived to be disappointed.
He tried to mentally retrace his steps.
A: Since doing it physically would be a complete waste of time.
N: Luckily, being a sex obsessed Thal, sticky patches marked where he had been.
D: But Solak had gone blind, and was, as has already been established, completely useless.
Yes, he recognised that alcove, so he wasn't far away from the main access point.
D: Why does the Dalek city have alcoves?
A: Why don't Thals think of naming things "the way out" rather than "main access point"?
He rushed on. However he hadn't entertained the possibility
A: You're not entertaining me, either.
that The Daleks had realised how they had got in and posted a sentry.
A: It was lucky there was a living Dalek available. Surely all Solak has to do is wait an hour and it'll be dead. He's got a Skaro day to get back. What's there to be worried about?
As he rounded the last corner, a Dalek cut him down from behind.
D: Daleks have swords?
N: No, it must have shot him.
A: He must be stunned. It didn't go "exterminate". Which Daleks tend to do. But not here.
But before The Dalek could deliver the fatal blow, it's eye-stalk exploded.
A: Isn't that just typical? My eyeballs are always exploding at inopportune moments.
D: "Deliver the fatal blow"? Wasn't the first one fatal?
A: This Dalek was clearly using an axe or something.
D: Dear God, my brain can't take much more of this... he wrote "it's" when he meant "its"! GOD DAMNIT!
"My vision is impaired. I require assistance!"
D: But you didn't say, "I cannot see".
A: Ergo, the Dalek can still see.
N: "This is the Emperor. Stop being a whiny bitch and get back to work, you wuss!"
A: On the bright side, vaguely appropriate dialogue.
The pursuing Dalek sped around the corner to assist.
N: What pursuing Dalek?
D: The one pursuing Solak.
N: I thought that was the one that shot him from behind and whose eyestalk exploded.
A: That Dalek was behind Solak, and that Dalek was guarding the gate... so Solak must have walked straight past the exit, straight past the Dalek and not even noticed!
All: All Thals are morons.
At the same time a slender form rushed out of the shaft and the grate clattered onto the floor.
A: At pelt mel.
N: Well, that's random.
D: Isn't it lucky that there's a ventilation shaft just next to the main access point and no one noticed?
N: IS this ventilation shaft next to them? It could be anywhere.
A: Ah! She's springing up as well?
N: What the hell was she doing in the air vents?
D: Why do Daleks need air vents?
N: Hey, her name is like "Toner" but misspelt.
A: I bet her first name is 'Fotocopyarr'.
attached an magnetically covered explosive to the casing to the nearest Dalek
N: Oh, that'll help. Is that the blinded Dalek or the Dalek that's closest to Solak?
A: So Toner is trying to kill Solak?
D: He IS wearing red...
abefore ducking back into the shaft.
N: Not THAT slender then.
A: Or short.
N: Yellow-haired chicken shit knave!
The blinded Dalek was only able to fire one more blast before it spread itself across the length of the corridor, taking the other into oblivion.
A: ...So the bomb went off, I take it?
D: If the fireball was that huge, why didn't it go into the vent as well?
N: If the bomb was that powerful, why stick it to a Dalek?
A: Wait a minute, who shot the Dalek's eyestalk? If it was Toner, why didn't she blind the other Dalek? I'll be charitable and assumed she was hanging around because she wanted to leave and saw the sentry...
Tentatively Tonar emerged and crept towards Solak's writhing body.
N: "You're still alive? Shit!" And so she snapped his neck.
A: Solak must be one hard bastard to be shot by a Dalek and then caught in the epicentre of an explosion that kills two Daleks?
D: Red underwear means death. His must be faulty.
"I couldn't warn you.
A: Is that Solak?
D: It must be Toner.
N: More self-justifying wank. Lah de dah de dah!
The Dalek chased me back to this point and then just... he just..."
D: He? How does she know it's a he?
N: Toner must have shagged him to buy her survival!
A: Is there no one you can trust these days!?
"Tonar, tell Nadar... missed the mark... sorry..."
N: "Nadar will personally give The Look at your funeral. It's better than some boring eulogy."
A: Wow. The inexperienced, incredibly stupid youngster died. What are the odds?
N: Nevertheless it was fair to say he didn't expect to be nitro-9ed out of this life by his own side.
D: All Thals are morons.
She lay his head down on the floor of the corridor and closed his eyes.
A: Where was his head originally? Was it blown loose of his shoulders?
D: Like that episode of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace?
A: Yes, only more stupid and less amusing.
N: Don't worry Toner, I'm sure there's an android around to replace him.
More determined than ever, she drew her blaster
N: What a rubbish drawing! BBCWales would use it as toilet paper!
and went off in search of The Doctor.
A: Yes. I can see how recklessly murdering your junior inspires patriotism.
D: It's a Roman thing, poisoning your own children so they don't threaten you.
A: Solak could not threaten roadkill.
D: Toner couldn't take that chance. All Thals are morons.
The Doctor was busy studying slides in the main laboratory.
N: "And this is me cooking in the nude. And this is us staying at the Ganymede holiday inn. And this is me and Sil sharing a bath of champagne as part of Comic Relief. And these are from Nation Geographic."
D: Checking no one was looking, the Doctor starts lustfully pocketing the slides for later use...
His work was being closely watched by a Dalek assistant.
N: "Put on a tutu, Dalek assistant. And I shall call you Sharon."
D: "THIS IS SEXUAL HARRASMENT! STOP FONDLING MY BUMPS!"
A: I think this virus causes uncontrollable horniness amongst humanoids.
D: Ah, so the Seventh Doctor tested it in Cardiff. Makes total sense.
"Yes, I can see the advantages of being a virus with a chameleonic genetic structure. Very difficult to develop a vaccine to deal with it..."
A: Now, forgive me, but a chameleon is something that simply changes what it looks like. Not what it is.
In fact it just changes color.
N: My God! A virus that can change color! Yes, to know that the tiniest pressure of my thumb...
D: Stop it!
N: Sorry. What sort of vaccine can't work because of colours?
D: Maybe they clash?
A: In which case, the Doctor's coat is a biohazard waiting to happen.
The Dalek remained still.
A: But, despite its best efforts, it still broke wind with embarassing volume.
D: The Dalek is obviously traumatized after being sexually harrassed.
N: Hmmm. I can see it all now - "Fuck the Daleks!" "What do you think I'm trying to do!"
"Yes well, let's see what I can do about that!"
D: Yes, Doctor, what CAN you do about that?
A: Considering you've done sweet FA for the last three episodes?
N: "What can I do? I'll tell you what I can do! I can sing! Sing! SIIIINNNG!"
The Doctor announced as he prepared to take a blood sample from his arm.
A: If the virus is based on the Gallifreyan genome, then why would a blood sample help? And why not take samples from the Daleks who haven't died yet? Did no one watch The Silurians?!
D: The Doctor's lying and just trying to shoot up in public without getting arrested.
A: "Taste the rainbow, Zeg! Run your suckers through the windmills of my mind!"
D: He'll see what he's wearing and freak out...
N: Colin Baker freaking out. There is no part of that that is not terrifying.
The Emperor was monitoring The Doctor's progress with great interest.
A: Only occasionally did he flick channels to watch The A Team.
D: Wow. Mr T shooting people and getting in his big van... or Dr Who in a lab talking to an empty Dalek prop, before shooting up.
N: I can only hope when we flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills us all.
The image of the Doctor filled the dome of the chamber.
D: Like every other image.
A: Do you think there's a little station ident?
N: This is boring the shit out of me.
A: Use your imagination, Nigel. Imagine if Nadar was on that screen, and he gave the Emperor The Look!
N: Dare we even to dream?!?
"As I suspected, access to Gallifreyian DNA is necessary for a solution to be found.
A: ...Show your working, please.
Before you die Doctor, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you saved our race!"
D: Um, he's doing this out of his own free will. I mean, he actually is in that lab thinking, "I will now save the Dalek race." I don't think that revelation will shake him to the core. And the idea of him achieving it before he dies is kind of a given. Because otherwise he wouldn't have achieved it in the first place.
A: Dude, the Daleks are evil?
N: NO! NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
A: It's not impossible. It's not even improbable.
D: So, how long did the reformation last? Two and a bit episodes?
A: That's about the same as Evil of the Daleks.
N: There is a difference. Evil of the Daleks was not total shit.
Inside the laboratory The Doctor was interrupted in his work by the rattle of something in the outside corridor.
A: Focus, Time Lord! FOCUS!
D: "That rattle of something in the corridor prevents me from working!"
N: "GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY BASTARD!"
Clearly it wasn't a Dalek sound and The Doctor and The Dalek exchanged a glance.
D: Yeah. Right.
N: I think I preferred that bit in Evolution of the Daleks where the Daleks check no one is looking.
D: It's amazing how many fans get worked up about it.
N: And the retards who think that the Dalek self destructs in Destiny because it's got a hat on.
A: They missed the bomb the Doctor fits to it?
N: Yep. About Time 4, DWM...
A: My god. The morons have triumphed.
D: Wait until they read this...
Silently, The Dalek technician slid out to investigate.
N: The Dalek assistant stayed where it was.
D: Since the Doctor had nailed it to the floor for his own sadistic amusement.
A: The Dalek supervisor was in the corner, getting drunk and wanting it all to stop! Oh, no. Wait. That's ME!
It spied a coin on the floor of the corridor
N: The old superglue-a-coin-to-the-floor practical joke, eh?
D: Master criminal!
N: What a load of crap!
its attention diverted long enough for Nadar to slide an explosive across the floor which exploded on impact.
A: On impact...with the floor?
D: RIP Nadar. You're off to Nirvana, Nadar. Or mayber Nervada, Nadar.
N: (to the tune of Karma Chameleon) Nadar nadar nadar nadar nadar nadar Nadar Nervada Nirvana!!!
A: Why are a bunch of Thal military officers carrying loose change? Does the Dalek city come complete with vending machines?
D: Maybe Mel had the coin.
A: Maybe. What was that rattling noise in the corridor again?
N: Mel. She's so skinny, her bones rattle.
Mel ran into the laboratory and was overjoyed to meet The Doctor inside.
A: She's easily pleased.
N: That's my kind of woman.
"Oh Doctor, I've been worried!"
D: Thanks for sharing Mel.
N: Shut the fuck up Mel.
A: Your overjoyment needs work Mel.
"No need Mel. While The Daleks are around I'm actually in no real..."
N: Dear God, what is wrong with him? How has he fallen for this shit?
D: They've removed his bray-eens!
Nadar stepped into the laboratory with his blaster drawn.
A: ...to a higher quality than Toner could manage. This was a Dave Gibbon quality drawing.
D: So the weapon is a blaster then?
N: My god! Nadar's still alive!
A: Or is he an android?
N: Who cares? Can this one walk the walk, talk the talk and look The Look?
"Ah, the real Commander Nadar I presume," The Doctor declared.
A: He does declare! Hot diggety!
D: When did the Doctor learn Nadar was an android?
N: Why isn't he surprised that Mel is on Skaro?
D: Why the hell are we reading this?
N: Go on, do The Look!
Nadar fired a single shot into The Doctor's middle. He crumpled and fell to the floor in a heap.
A: ... Dalek bodyguards aint what they used to be.
D: Please be dead. That means the story is over! The Daleks are defeated! Mel is marooned!
N: I can imagine her screams perfectly segueing into the end credits!
D: You think Mel screamed?
N: Is that a serious question?
A: Happy days! HAPPY DAYS!
...to be continued