Thursday, October 30, 2008

Ten Down!

EXT. LOCATION UNKNOWN

The Doctor appears a few feet above the ground, drops to the ground like a stone, rolls over -
THE DOCTOR: Please, let it be ginger.
And now it starts - the Doctor's face is suddenly covered by a swirling halo of blue-white light, shafts of light streaming out from his face. The light is growing even more intense until the Doctor's face becomes indistinct, only a few lines to indicate his eyes, nose and mouth are left now. He could be anyone underneath it...

Hold on this for a moment, then smash cut to the end credits...



- excerpt from Doctor Who: Schisms by some dude who isn't me

Where were you when you heard Eccleston had quit? Me, I was laughing my head off at Eye of Horus when they blabbed he had quit some time around Christmas 2004. When it was announced, there was such confusion about it - he sure as hell hadn't told the BBC to give that press statement, and everyone seemed to think he'd stick around for the Christmas special and stuff like that. Of course the "HEIRONYMOUS, YOU QUITTER!" meltdown that struck OG was, at the time, perfectly reasonable. He'd quit as far as we knew out of some fear of commitment and pretty much risked destroying the show we'd only just got back, with a whole new generation asked basically to become involved with leather-clad Northern Nutter... then ditch him.

So, yeah, we had a bloody good reason to be annoyed. And if the production team were really that concerned, they could have told us the truth, so no sympathy there.

Now. Where were you when you heard Tennant had quit? Disregarding every newspaper exclusive of "He's not staying" or the cliffhanger to The Stolen Earth, I mean. Well, I found out about it in a rather strange way as I looked at Demonoid.com for anything interesting that had been uploaded. And between a KLF remix albulm and an episode of House, what do I find?

Tennant Quits Doctor Who - 81.89 MB

I think I can safely say I am one of a few, a very few fans to discover such information from a bit torrent site. And an exclusive one too, they don't upload random crap like Eye of Horus.

You think I'm going nuts? When was the last time I posted a lie on this blog? OK, that was just bad luck. But I posted the specials gap of 09, did I not? I posted Davros would be back in the season four finale, did I not? And Rose? Huh? When was the last time I did this without absolute fricken certainty, mmmm?

What does the Doctor Who News Page say?

"I've had the most brilliant, bewildering and life changing time working on Doctor Who. I have loved every day of it," the actor says. "I love this part, and I love this show so much that if I don't take a deep breath and move on now I never will, and you'll be wheeling me out of the Tardis in my bath chair. I think it's better to go when there's a chance that people might miss you, rather than to hang around and outstay your welcome. It would be very easy to cling on to the TARDIS console forever and I fear that if I don't take a deep breath and make the decision to move on now, then I simply never will. ... I'm still the Doctor all next year but when the time finally comes I'll be honoured to hand on the best job in the world to the next lucky git - whoever that may be."

Tennant added that he "always thought the time to leave would be in conjunction with Russell T Davies and Julie Gardner who have been such a huge part of it all for me. Steven Moffat is the most brilliant and exciting writer, the only possible successor to Russell and it was sorely tempting to be part of his amazing new plans for the show. I will be there, glued to my TV when his stories begin in 2010." He furthermore says that he feels "very privileged to have been part of this incredible phenomenon, and whilst I'm looking forward to new challenges I know I'll always be very proud to be the Tenth Doctor."

Says Russell T Davies, "I've been lucky and honoured to work with David over the past few years - and it's not over yet, the Tenth Doctor still has five spectacular hours left! After which, I might drop an anvil on his head. Or maybe a piano. A radioactive piano. But we're planning the most enormous and spectacular ending, so keep watching!"

So.

Yeah. No more Tenth Doctor any more. Have to start saying 'Eleventh' Doctor and not think of the neighbour from Home Improvement bonking a synesthetic redhead and spawning incredibly messed up children.

Bummer, dude.

I've not really had to cope with this kind of deal before, really. With the Ninth, it was too shocking as I hadn't seen a single frame of the bastard. With the Seventh and Eighth, it was more the new guy was being introduced rather than the old guy snuffing it... and they get their own audios too, remember. So. Yeah. Bummer.

And so I'll say now that DT hasn't played the Doctor the way I expected. Or, to a degree, wanted. He didn't have his blue eyes from Casanova or rumpled clothes of Blackpool or his Scottish accent from Taking Over The Asylum. He didn't wear the right outfit, act in the right way, speak the right words or do the right things or fulfill Dalek Empire wank fantasies. And he didn't say "Jings!" half as much as he should have.

And good for him!

Fuck man, had us fans had our way with Doctors, it would be an endless collage of Terrance Dicks Jon Pertwee substitutes in frilly shirts from Tom Baker onwards! DT did it his way, and bugger the audience as he went from arrogant god to battered fighter to someone who could at least look his reflection in the eye. And that's more than most Doctors get. On telly anyway.

FULL FIST, DAVID TENNANT!


WHAT THOSE OTHER LOSERS THOUGHT -
My Mum: Oh well, it had to happen sometimes. He's been around a lot longer than the last one.
(See, that's why I love her.)

Outpost Gallifrey: a massive unified chanting of of "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" for 24 hours.

Eye of Horus: Mmm. Huh? What? What's going on? Is something happening? Why are we on a traffic island?

Alan Stevens: Bah! Tennant can't take the pace! Hartnell could! Did you know Jon Pertwee died in 1968, two years before he actually adopted the role? Anyway, the new Doctor must be Russ Abbot from the latest Sarah Jane Adventure, which I hate by the way because it seems to be something for kids. I would normally say 'Richard Briers' or 'Roger Lloyd-Pack', but I'm so hip and cool and funky and on the pulse, I'll say Russ Abbot. Aren't I clever? Go on, say you're impressed. Go on. Seriously. Tell me you're impressed. Fuck you, then.

Sparacus: What?! What's going on? Lee Williams would be good? Why is everyone asking me? What's happened? Why are we on a traffic Island?

Nigel Verkoff: You think if any sane man was given the choice between sexing Georgia Moffat 24/7 and doing a series of Doctor Who you'd even catch a glimpse of the police box. Dude, you're whacked. As for the next Doctor? I dunno. Colin Salmon, maybe. It'd stop those lameass B7 audios at the very least...

Dave Restal: Bullshit. Denis Lawson from Jekyll. Don't lie to me. He'd fricken rock.

Andrew Beeblebrox: I don't care, as long as Tennant bumps into the Brigadier before the bitter end.

Eve Markson: Oh well, there's still the other Tenth Doctor bonking Rose. I mean, he's got a sweet deal to come back. Or even have his own spin off. What a wonderful world we live in.

Nicholas Briggs: MY HOUR HAS COME! MY APOTHEOSIS IS NIGH!!!!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen: I called shutgun, you toothbrush-wielding bald loon!

Sparacus (again): Yes, I saw this the other night at the award ceremony. I'm not surprised he wants to move on - he obviously has itchy feet having starred in Hamlet etc. If I were in Stephen Moffatt's position, the role of the Doctor would be offered to Harry Lloyd if I wanter=d a young actor or Stephen Fry if I wanted an older one. Both are superb actors and the Doctor needs to be more of an English eccentric than either Eccleston or Tennant. The last thing we need is another 'everyman' Doctor. I think Lloyd has the gravitas to the play the role. He has always struck me as a serious young man when interviewed. I think if he played the part 'straight' as Jon Pertwee did then he'd be fine as a younger Doctor. Having said all of this, my absolute dream choice for the role would be either David Bowie or Morrissey. However obviously neither would accept it, both having musical careers. But both are perfect. A black doctor would be fine providing that the actor was the best one for the role. Obviously the Timelords can regenerate into non-caucasion bodies as there have been black actors playing them in some episodes.

Mad Larry the Pirate King: David Tennant was sacked because he was part of the Ross/Brand scandal... and if not, why not? I hate you all. Why are we on a traffic island?

Me: Maybe I should wait 24 hours or something for people to actually react to this breaking news. [long pause] Ah, fuck em.

In conclusion, a vid of The Doug Anthony Allstars somehow managing to sum up my entire emotional state with their usual... batshit insanity.

TIM: And now, a message to all the young and beautiful and the wealthy Doctor Who fans out there, who know now that with Doctor Eleven on the horizon, they're bound to run out of regenerations and have to axe the entire series within the next few years. Just one question: what on earth are you doing? Turn off your televisions and kill yourselves!

PAUL: Yeah, go on, end it all now. You know you want to. Go on. Kill yourselves now. Better in the long run. Go on.

RICHARD: Go on. Come on. Put the remotes down. End it all. That's it. Do as you're told.

TIM: One, two, three...

ALL: KILL YOURSELVES!

(long pause)

TIM: Well. I think they're all dead.

PAUL: Mmm.

RICHARD: Every last one.

PAUL: Well, eh?

ALL: ...what a pack of wankers!

(They shake hands on a job well done and begin to sing "Heard It Through The Grapevine" in honor of discovering Tennant quit through a friend of a friend of theirs... probably Flacco...)

7 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Where was I? Right here 30 seconds ago. Man, I was hoping he'd have another year in him. I mean, I thought that was the idea of the gap year, giving him a break so he could do other stuff (like Hamlet) Understandable, though.

The next Doctor needs to be totally different, though. Tennant was 50/50 similar/different. We need, IMHO, more of a backseat, stays in the background Doctor. One who doesn't proclaim himself to the room and yearn to be the centre of attention. Just because otherwise the role's in danger of being caricatured and the scope of what the Doctor can be will be narrowed.

And of course I'm not just saying that because that's how I'd play the part if, by some freak circumstance I got it.

Man, my prediction's looking slim even if I got the season right. Unless RTD looks at a certain episode of a certain Japanese gameshow and notes the inherent Doctor-ly qualities of a bandaged extra who slams into a doorframe..

Youth of Australia said...

Where was I? Right here 30 seconds ago. Man, I was hoping he'd have another year in him. I mean, I thought that was the idea of the gap year, giving him a break so he could do other stuff (like Hamlet) Understandable, though.
Seems to be the specials are going to be the War Games that wipes the slate clear.

The next Doctor needs to be totally different, though. Tennant was 50/50 similar/different. We need, IMHO, more of a backseat, stays in the background Doctor. One who doesn't proclaim himself to the room and yearn to be the centre of attention. Just because otherwise the role's in danger of being caricatured and the scope of what the Doctor can be will be narrowed.
You really think they're going to do that? Beyond Doctor Lite eps? I can't say how Moff will take the show, since his entire body of work consists of the Tenth Doctor, a painfully out of character Ninth, and a comedic parody of the NA Doctor.

So, yeah. I have no idea.

Anyone as long as it isn't Keely Hawes, as Alex Drake makes the Tenth Doctor look like a recluse.

And of course I'm not just saying that because that's how I'd play the part if, by some freak circumstance I got it.
What would your first words be in the role? :D

What with the internet being unfathomably slow for some reason, I've only just managed to see the footage per se. Why do these award ceremonies always choose ridiculously inappropriate clips? DT gets the Two Doc/Rose farewell scene, so basically he gets next to no dialogue and just snogs Billie Piper who gets all the focus of the scene. Mind you, Catherine Tate gets her 'super Time Lord' scene which, well, doesn't quite strike me as an obvious scene. Pretty much every other scene she's ever done as Donna would work better IMO. Even Smiffy from the Bill gets a raw deal as he's shown standing around while some crim yells at him for five minutes.

Philip Glennister does all right, clip wise, but you'd be hard pressed to find a Gene Genie scene that doesn't do him justice. With "I Fought The Law" in the background. Awesome. But 80% of it is Raymondo saving the day!

Oooh, the look he gives Tennant when he wins, though. I think maybe DT left for his own safety...

Man, my prediction's looking slim even if I got the season right. Unless RTD looks at a certain episode of a certain Japanese gameshow and notes the inherent Doctor-ly qualities of a bandaged extra who slams into a doorframe..
What the fuck are you on about?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

You really think they're going to do that?

No. But it'd be good if they did.

To clarify, a Doctor who doesn't go out to get noticed and expect people to bend to his authority just when he shouts at them. The sort of Patrick Troughton model I was thinking of. I don't mean a Doctor who does sweet F.A.

On that topic, does the Nick Briggs Doctor do anything good, ever? He just sucks. He really, really sucks. Minuet in Hell would have worked if he isn't just a worthless, blubbering sack of apologies and clumsiness week in and week fucking out, but as it is it's just another day in the life of a total loser. I've been trying to listen through Blood something (forgotten the title) in and out for about THREE MONTHS. I thought I'd got to a good part, but no the insane evil bitch who's a baffling pre-requisite in all Nick Briggs stories for some reason kills the interesting character and forces the Doctor at gunpoint to take them away from the interesting planet and the Doctor accordingly reveals the secrets of the TARDIS to her. And then a scene that, essentially, goes like this:

BRIGGS: I can't break down these crystals to fix the TARDIS.

BITCH: Is the machine not working?

BRIGGS: No, I'm taking the high moral ground. These aren't just crystals - they're eggs! Sentient beings trapped inside that I could never murder. To help illustrate the point I placed them inside my egg-destroying engine as you can clearly see, and then decided to sit here obstinately NOT pressing the activation button. That one three from your right - the blue one. Ha! NOW what are you going to do?

(Bitch presses the button)

BRIGGS: ..I can't believe that you did that!

BITCH: I killed like six people in cold blood already.

BRIGGS: Oh, that was YOU. Right. Now I feel like a right melon.

So, in short, the AVs suck.

Anyone as long as it isn't Keely Hawes, as Alex Drake makes the Tenth Doctor look like a recluse.

Lmao. If anyone at all in the BBC thought that Keeley would be a good Doctor, I think the suggestion coming from LM would have taken away all it's legitimacy.

What would your first words be in the role? :D

Ah-ha I have actually thought about this... but I don't know. See, I wanted to have a record for the longest a new Doctor has been silent, given the big deal made over the 'first words' thing lately. So I'd regenerate, ideally around a sizeable group of people, tumble around the room a bit, trying to get my balance, look around at all the people, then stand really straight, clear my throat bashfully... and topple over again. Leaving everyone staring at my prone body gobsmacked just before the credits role. Leaving all the fans to wait for A YEAR until they hear me talk. I came up with that a while ago and still think it'd be brilliant.

Especially for the furore on OG. Straight to the bottom of the favourite Doctor polls for me.

Anyway, returning from fantasyland..

Why do these award ceremonies always choose ridiculously inappropriate clips?

It is a headscratcher. Ian McKellen's Oscar nomination for Lord of the Rings they showed the bit where he was yelling at Bilbo. Yeah, good one - it's a film morons decline to take seriously because it's too special-effects heavy... and you choose to show the bit where his character is transformed through special effects. Grr...
Jim Broadbent beat him, too. Man, that pissed me off. His clip was basically him going "Ooh, Iris, you want another cup of tea?" MINDBLOWING STUFF.

Oooh, the look he gives Tennant when he wins, though. I think maybe DT left for his own safety...

Yeah, would not like to be on Philip Glenister's bad side. Look at all those blokes in Sharpe and LoM/ATA he saw too. Hornblower only got away when he got him onside...

What the fuck are you on about?

What? You've never been an extra in a baffling film-insert in a Japanese game-show? I assumed it was a rite of passage for an Australian youth..

Youth of Australia said...

No. But it'd be good if they did.
Heh. True. Of course I always thought a Diver Dan style Doctor would be good.

To clarify, a Doctor who doesn't go out to get noticed and expect people to bend to his authority just when he shouts at them. The sort of Patrick Troughton model I was thinking of. I don't mean a Doctor who does sweet F.A.
Ah good. It was starting to sound a little bit... Sawardian.

On that topic, does the Nick Briggs Doctor do anything good, ever? He just sucks. He really, really sucks.
I was struggling to find a case against (maybe Cyber-Hunt?) but you're right. Even in the comic strip which he dominated for six months, he just sort of stood around as the bad guys destroyed everything living thing in outer space. It was later revealed that Briggs was an imposter who chose that particular body/personality so the bad guys would never suspect he was up to something and just accept he was a useless twat.

Mind you, he's great in Seven Keys to Doomsday... where he dies and turns into someone competent.

Minuet in Hell would have worked if he isn't just a worthless, blubbering sack of apologies and clumsiness week in and week fucking out, but as it is it's just another day in the life of a total loser. I've been trying to listen through Blood something (forgotten the title) in and out for about THREE MONTHS. I thought I'd got to a good part, but no the insane evil bitch who's a baffling pre-requisite in all Nick Briggs stories for some reason kills the interesting character and forces the Doctor at gunpoint to take them away from the interesting planet and the Doctor accordingly reveals the secrets of the TARDIS to her. And then a scene that, essentially, goes like this:
BRIGGS: I can't break down these crystals to fix the TARDIS.
BITCH: Is the machine not working?
BRIGGS: No, I'm taking the high moral ground. These aren't just crystals - they're eggs! Sentient beings trapped inside that I could never murder. To help illustrate the point I placed them inside my egg-destroying engine as you can clearly see, and then decided to sit here obstinately NOT pressing the activation button. That one three from your right - the blue one. Ha! NOW what are you going to do?
(Bitch presses the button)
BRIGGS: ..I can't believe that you did that!
BITCH: I killed like six people in cold blood already.
BRIGGS: Oh, that was YOU. Right. Now I feel like a right melon.

ROFLMAO. Sounds a lot like The Last, actually.

So, in short, the AVs suck.
Better than DWADs.

Lmao. If anyone at all in the BBC thought that Keeley would be a good Doctor, I think the suggestion coming from LM would have taken away all it's legitimacy.
Thank God for that...

Ah-ha I have actually thought about this... but I don't know. See, I wanted to have a record for the longest a new Doctor has been silent, given the big deal made over the 'first words' thing lately.
Well, A) I think Jon Pertwee beats all and B) first words, 9/10 suck. Only Colin Baker got any halfway decent first words.

So I'd regenerate, ideally around a sizeable group of people, tumble around the room a bit, trying to get my balance, look around at all the people, then stand really straight, clear my throat bashfully... and topple over again. Leaving everyone staring at my prone body gobsmacked just before the credits role.
Sorta like a Mr. Bean version of Castrovalva or TCI?

Leaving all the fans to wait for A YEAR until they hear me talk.
Like Tom Baker and Peter Davison did?

I came up with that a while ago and still think it'd be brilliant.
Especially for the furore on OG. Straight to the bottom of the favourite Doctor polls for me.

Always a good sign.

Mind you, my fic Doctors' new words pretty much boiled down to "Oh, no, not AGAIN!!" and "I'm - not - dead - yet!" Which are probably too Monty Pythonish for a mainstream audience.

It is a headscratcher.
It's always baffled me, like when Parkinson wanted to show Billie Piper in action by showing the 'turn of the Earth' bit as Rose. SEE! Her hold a hand! HEAR! Her say nothing! BE AMAZED! As Dr. Who tells her to piss off and stop following him!

Yes, Bill, your talent summed up in a nutshell there. I woulda decked Parky if he did that to me.


Yeah, would not like to be on Philip Glenister's bad side. Look at all those blokes in Sharpe and LoM/ATA he saw too. Hornblower only got away when he got him onside...
Yeah. But seriously, Phil didn't look "Ah, damn, lost," but "You are a fucking dead man". Yet, five seconds later our hero is wielding a switchblade screaming, "OK! I QUIT! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

What? You've never been an extra in a baffling film-insert in a Japanese game-show?
No. I convinced a Channel 9 film crew I cheated on my HSC exams and was willing to sell the answers to the highest bidder, though.

I assumed it was a rite of passage for an Australian youth..
You know me, never take the well-trodden path.

Youth of Australia said...

Fuck, and now Nyder is saying Paul McGann isn't a proper Doctor. Fucking fuck fuck.

...

Wonder if Gabriel Chase has gone feral yet?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Of course I always thought a Diver Dan style Doctor would be good.

Not a big enough Seachange fan to get the refernece, I'm afraid...

Even in the comic strip which he dominated for six months, he just sort of stood around as the bad guys destroyed everything living thing in outer space. It was later revealed that Briggs was an imposter who chose that particular body/personality so the bad guys would never suspect he was up to something and just accept he was a useless twat.

Brilliant!... was this a snide dig at Briggsy?

Mind you, he's great in Seven Keys to Doomsday... where he dies and turns into someone competent.

Yeah, they got Trevor Martin back for that, didn't they?

Also, how does Briggsy play it? Is he doing AV-doc or is he attempting a Perters impression?

ROFLMAO. Sounds a lot like The Last, actually.

Yeah, I was really getting that vibe. I also feel the need to point out that his current companion seems to be transforming into an ethereal being with near-godlike powers. A truly mind-blowing idea when it hasn't already happened once this season!.

Better than DWADs.

That I concede but I probably like Coburn more than Briggs. Yes, there you go, it's on record.

He and David Segal are on a level playing field. (Man, attempting a career in DW would be interesting if Briggsy read this, eh?)

A) I think Jon Pertwee beats all

Oh, yeah... what was it, about twelve minutes? Also, is my memory playing tricks or were his first words really "Shoooooes!"...

Only Colin Baker got any halfway decent first words.

I loved those first words. Set it all up wonderfully. Provoked that great "That's not OUR Doctor!" feel from the audience.

Unfortunately, the show needed to stop provoking that feeling sometime over the next year.

Like Tom Baker and Peter Davison did?

Yes, but I like to think that fans were less rabid and impatient then.

Also, wasn't it closer to a year-and-a-half with Davison?

"I'm - not - dead - yet!"

Hee, I like that one.

But seriously, Phil didn't look "Ah, damn, lost," but "You are a fucking dead man". Yet, five seconds later our hero is wielding a switchblade screaming, "OK! I QUIT! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Another one for the conspiracies file..

No. I convinced a Channel 9 film crew I cheated on my HSC exams and was willing to sell the answers to the highest bidder, though.

Hey, that's kind of cool.

Youth of Australia said...

Not a big enough Seachange fan to get the refernece, I'm afraid...
Quiet, contemplative, can never tell when he's joking or what he's thinking. Basically Troughton without the slapstick.

Brilliant!... was this a snide dig at Briggsy?
Well, when the Eighth Doctor returns from the grave, he DOES save the entire universe inside an episode.

Yeah, they got Trevor Martin back for that, didn't they?
He's very good, too. Apart from the bit where he tries to kung fu the monsters into submission.

Also, how does Briggsy play it? Is he doing AV-doc or is he attempting a Perters impression?
It's honestly hard to say. He falls out of the TARDIS, shouts "Dying!! Help me someone! Into the TARDIS what I just fell out of! Argh!" and then he changes.

It turns out he was shot in the back in a pathetic ambush and he shouldn't even been so weak as to regenerate.

A truly mind-blowing idea when it hasn't already happened once this season!.
Well, on the bright side they don't try it again still C'Rizz.

That I concede but I probably like Coburn more than Briggs. Yes, there you go, it's on record.
You're right. On character/actor stuff, with the audios irrelevent, Jeff beats Nick hands tied behind his back.

He and David Segal are on a level playing field. (Man, attempting a career in DW would be interesting if Briggsy read this, eh?)
What's he going to do? Play Minuet in Hell in a court to prove he was brilliant? "Yes, Nick, you were. Now arrest him for breach of copyright and throw away the key."

Oh, yeah... what was it, about twelve minutes? Also, is my memory playing tricks or were his first words really "Shoooooes!"...
Rob Holmes originally wanted you not to even see his face until part two, hence that rather big shot where the Brig rolls him over... despite us already seeing his face earlier on.

I loved those first words. Set it all up wonderfully. Provoked that great "That's not OUR Doctor!" feel from the audience.
Yes, hurl abuse at the girl you just died for. A real mark for the "individual incarnations really do die" argument.

Unfortunately, the show needed to stop provoking that feeling sometime over the next year.
Oh, in some reality my version of Twin Dilemma was made and all was well.

Yes, but I like to think that fans were less rabid and impatient then. Also, wasn't it closer to a year-and-a-half with Davison?
So, you're STILL beaten.

Hee, I like that one.
It's probably funnier out of context, as he died in the arms of his companion, guts blown away. So she bursts into tears and sobs and then ZAP - new guy is screaming at her, the end.

Another one for the conspiracies file..
DT SAYS he was going to use it on Patrick Stewart, but I notice he had bodyguards at the time.

Hey, that's kind of cool.
Never got broadcast though. Something about a plane crashing into a world trade centre or something...