Monday, October 6, 2008

For Fuck's Sake Nyder!!

While taking a break to let my brain heal from the first half of B7: Rebel, I stumbled across the blogspot of Nyder's Takeaway, AKA Alan "Nine Divinities" Stevens and realized the shocking truth. Lawrence Miles for all his infantile whining and self-pity behavior... is actually funny. Never let it be said I didn't laugh at his insults and insane comparisons, no matter how often I disagree with them. Indeed, my main annoyance at his Moffat Mathematics is that it's not funny, not that it pathetically hurls abuse at Moffat for reusing story ideas he himself wrote.

Nyder's latest sickening forray into Blake's 7 was the on-second-thoughts-slit-me-open-and-make-baloon-animals-out-of-my-innards awful comedy When Blake Met Travis. Exactly WHY anyone thinks getting two respected actors to get each other's names wrong (HAH! Trevor, get it! HAHAH! That's so funny when it was a one-off gag in The Mark of Kane ten years ago! Let's have the gag don't seventeen times on stage! It doesn't get old!) as Travis recites all the pet theories AS and FM have about the cast of characters (Blake psychopath, Jenna hypocrite, Avon psychopath, Vila coward, Gan Jack the Ripper) as if a guy who got up one morning and said, "I think I'll wipe out humanity" is some kind of moral beacon.

But no, Nyder is capable of much worse as he takes to 'rewriting song lyrics with a few words changed to make fun of someone'!

Hang on, EC, protests one of my miserable invisible friends, you do nought else! Why, you've done one for every PMG BF since The Twice-A-Night Kingdom!

Get back in my subconscious before I hit you, invisible friend! Actually, that is an interesting point. For a start, that was a joke that got out of hand. Apparently, the McGann theme music changed to a completely different arrangement for The Twilight Kingdom and so my joke that I was replacing this for a random song until they brought the old melody back. But they never did. There won't be any tunes for McGann's second BBC7 season since they've changed that tune. Happy now?

Not really.

Tough. But, my song spoofs are always part of something greater. I don't blogpost the lyrics with

I've written a song about it. Do you remember the Buffy musical episode? Well, here's one of the songs with the lyrics slightly adjusted.

And then slag off RTD for "beyond the grave" - Alan, baby, GET OVER IT! - do I? After all his bitching at RTD's complete lack of writing ability and realistic dialogue, what does Nyder do? He copies Joss Whedon. Blatantly. How fucking pathetic is that? I've seen David Brent with more self respect you slag.

But let's just check out one particular post - Recycling Watch Special. Sweet Onion Chutney, Nyder, if there's anything sadder than Ben Chatham discussion, it's writing long, long, long, long lists of where you've seen stuff before. Make no doubt, if I do that about one of his oh-so-wonderful Kaldor City reviews, he'd slit my throat. And get my name wrong. Because he's SO funny.

I've been relistening to "The Daleks' Master Plan" lately, and, well, blow me down if it isn't a stealth pilot for Terry Nation's later space opera, Blake's 7.

Already Nyder is lying through his teeth. Anyone suffering through this blog will know I've been arguing this point for a while now. He first flagged up the similarities betwixt the two in an article published "The Daleks' Masterplan: An Analysis" in 2001. Where he said

Nation would develop the themes of fascism and human nature explored in "Master Plan" further in his pessimistic take on space opera, Blake's 7. There are casual resemblances between Blake's 7 and "Master Plan", in the references to pursuit ships, prison planets and criminal thugs taking young women hostage. More directly, scenes such as the one in which Roald makes fun of Chen's speech, but does not question its message, echoes similar scenes in Blake's 7, in which the horror of totalitarianism is revealed to be the acquiescence of ordinary citizens to its demands. There is also the overarching question in both, of whether the series' protagonists are really any more heroic than their villains; Bret Vyon, who allies himself with the Doctor and Steven, nonetheless is a ruthless figure who has no compunction in gunning down his friend for an apparent betrayal. Daxtar, too, dies before we discover if he was indeed a traitor or simply a dupe of the regime; in typical Nation fashion, we never learn whether there is a massive conspiracy or, more likely, that loyalty to a corrupt system causes the unfolding of tragic events. The seeds of Nation's later work can thus be seen in "Master Plan".

A neat trick since he wrote less of Masterplan than that entire paragraph. Is this recyclingwatch admitting that Nation was stealing someone else's idea and reusing it, since that is how RTD suffers the the same experience?

In any case, this "Oh, wow, I just noticed..." is demonstrably complete shit. It's a blog, Nyder. A blog where the comments are not allowed. Who in the name of the sewerpits are you trying to impress and or fool?

Recycled elements include:-

Ahem? Surely if the pilot of Blake's 7 were to be recycled from something, that something would involve a group of spacemen left to become farmers on a barren planet? As was the original starting point of the series - which ended up being left in one episode, Cygnus Alpha and then finally got its own show, Survivors.

Political official who's secretly making deals with aliens to betray the human race

Except Chris Boucher wrote Star One. Not Terry Nation. And Travis was a wanted criminal, not a political official. He was hardly being secretive as the aliens immediately go, "Yo, Travis in da house! Who's your bitch?"

Interplanetary federation of humans, who don't seem to socialise with aliens much-

Except that the Solar System is not a federation. And the Federation was shown on several occasions to be quite social with various aliens - they obviously chatted with the Andromedans in the distant past, and the Auronar and those aliens mentioned in Breakdown are the antisocial ones. The Federation's main drive to maintain order in its territories, rather than killing all aliens. If that were so, why did they never smear Blake with "He hangs around with ALIENS! He's EVIL!"?

Fascist government with black uniforms and kinky boots

Wow. Cause no one else ever had the evil guys wear black. The fact the uniforms were purple is ignored too.

People with short, pithy names

...is that it? Is that all you've got?

People named Sara

Oh my god! Because there was a character named Sara in one episode of B7 who died and was never mentioned again! It all fits! And "people"? There's one in each you daft tit!

Teleport system (which works, but isn't in wide circulation)

Again, that's feeble. Did B7 also rip of The Seeds of Death? The Ark in Space? You don't think maybe Star Trek might have had an ever-so-slight influence?

Prison planet, with criminals intent on hijacking any ship foolish enough to stop by

Remove "planet" from that sentence and you have one of the biggest cliche plots ever. The fact that the only time Terry Nation tried that particular plot, it wasn't a criminal intend on hijacking the ship that arrived by accident, it was an insane cult leader intending to use the ship that stopped there deliberately to spread the religion. He didn't want to leave the planet at all.

Pursuit ships (here, they belong to the Daleks)

And are never seen, never fire plasma bolts, are not flown by mutoids... all you've got is the word "pursuit", really. Not much.

Sequence in which a deadly weapon is tested by locking someone in a room with it and watching the results through a glass screen

So Curse of Fenric, The Liesure Hive and Ambassadors... of DEATH were all ripping off this too? And, why the hell is this relevent? Yes, I agree it's a bit similar to twenty-three seconds of one episode. It's not a crucial part of Blake's 7, is it?

Officers of the abovementioned fascist government who change sides after realising what a crock fascism is

Yet somehow Tarrant never bursts into tears and claims he shot his own brother and has converted to the side of freedom. Nor does Travis try to save the galaxy from aliens. Shrinker also never actually became a sympathetic character whose death was enough to end a whole episode. Oddly enough, all these examples occur in the middle of the show, and not the stuff you'd think they'd rip off right away.

Like Mezin in Rebel.

Jungle planets

Fuck off. Jungle planets appeared in Pathfinders to fucking Venus. Note that in its first series there is only one jungle mentioned - by Cally, standing in the middle of a quarry. The rests are the New Forest.

Carnivorous/quasi-sentient plant life

Again, in the same SINGLE episode, Blake mentions totally randomly that the plants can think and this is never mentioned again. Since Nation wrote a whole EPISODE about quasi-sentient plant life for The Keys of Marinus, why isn't The Dalek Masterplan noting him recycling his own work?

Nation also recycled the invisible-aliens idea later, but unfortunately that was in "Planet of the Daleks" (which also features a group of space people squabbling as they are marooned on a jungle planet infested with Daleks), so no go.

...eh? "So No Go"? What is that, Judoon? Are you admitting that the stuff Terry Nation ripped off was actually his own work from a different story and that blogspot is a complete waste of my infinitessimally valuable time? Have you actually read Terry Nation's Dalek Annuals? THAT is Blake's 7. Sarcastic AIs, amoral rebel leaders, space battles, alien technology, not to mention total bastards. Indeed, Nation actually rewrote The Seeds of Destruction (where Daleks go after a special growth hormone for GM food) into The Sima Experiment (where Blake suffers the aftereffects of the Federation creating a special growth hormone for GM food).

Nyder, I can do no better than to quote you yourself

What is this shite now? It's doesn't mean a thing!

But I'm sure a comedic genius of your standing will find the funny side.

Preferably in silence.

18 comments:

Cameron Mason said...

I just followed the link.

That 'filk' was awful, and wrong - for one thing RTD has faked Cornell quite successfully, as he laments in The Writer's Tale when disucssing reviewers and their favourite bits of Human Nature / The Family of Blood.

The guide filks are usually quite amusing and discuss the story they're linked to, and are not thinkly disguised attacks on people.

As for his take on Song for Ten...

Can I just say that this is now my favourite guide entry.

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

That 'filk' was awful, and wrong - for one thing RTD has faked Cornell quite successfully, as he laments in The Writer's Tale when disucssing reviewers and their favourite bits of Human Nature / The Family of Blood.
I know. I mean... Wait. Nyder hasn't actually read the book. He's just making this crap up based on a quote from Behind the Sofa.

It's so bloody petty.

The guide filks are usually quite amusing and discuss the story they're linked to, and are not thinkly disguised attacks on people.
Well, they try to be. I don't think anyone will read them and think it's a statement of fact - unless Nigel Verkoff really IS actually getting more work than Big Finish than Conrad Westmaas...

As for his take on Song for Ten...
In every day, in every way, I see that Fiona Moore was the talented half of the partnership.

Can I just say that this is now my favourite guide entry.
You may, sir. I hope people enjoy it as much as I do. Truly, in my own personal "If I Wrote Torchwood Daydream" Mary and Lisa would be regulars, ala Lorne and Illyria. If you're gonna rip off Angel, rip off of the bits that work...

I apologize in advance for the Xanadu stuff, but look at what I had to work with...

Cameron Mason said...


Nyder hasn't actually read the book. He's just making this crap up based on a quote from Behind the Sofa.


Sheesh.

So he's even filking based on lazy knowledge...


I don't think anyone will read them and think it's a statement of fact - unless Nigel Verkoff really IS actually getting more work than Big Finish than Conrad Westmaas...


Well Conrad hasn't popped up as guest voice on any Big Finish, although there a couple of stories that feel like they've had the Verkoff touch...


Truly, in my own personal "If I Wrote Torchwood Daydream" Mary and Lisa would be regulars, ala Lorne and Illyria. If you're gonna rip off Angel, rip off of the bits that work...


Indeed.

And not the script written at the last minute to replace the intended second episode.

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

Sheesh.
I base this accusation of the fact he quotes the bit that was quoted on BTS and nothing else.

So he's even filking based on lazy knowledge...
Hard to believe it's the same bloke who explained the suicidal Daleks of PTOW.

Well Conrad hasn't popped up as guest voice on any Big Finish, although there a couple of stories that feel like they've had the Verkoff touch...
Oh? I'm out of CDs and haven't listened to any of the new ones yet (though the first few minutes of Doomswood Curse were OK - unlike the cover! Projectile Vomit, or what?)

BTW, what was your favorite guide before TW07?

And not the script written at the last minute to replace the intended second episode.
I rather liked Lonely Hearts. Compared to Day One, though, it was like comparing Girl in the Fireplace to Return to the Orchard House. I dunno if Corrupt would have worked, especially as Cordie seemed to be in a sitcom throughout, compared to suicidal prostitute Kate consumed by demonic despair...

Nevertheless LH has great moments
* Touched By Vast
* "Violence is kinda festive!"
* the logo gags
* the barkeeper's desperation at the end was pretty good, the way he sobs "I'm just trying to make a connection!" as his flesh rots off his bones...

Cameron Mason said...

Oh?

By that I mean some stories seem to think that they're the best thing ever...

BTW, what was your favorite guide before TW07?

Eric Saward's Trial 14.


I rather liked Lonely Hearts. Compared to Day One, though, it was like comparing Girl in the Fireplace to Return to the Orchard House.


Indeed.

Lonely Hearts works, but Chinballs should have ripped off Corrupt if he wanted to put a dark edge to the series...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

By that I mean some stories seem to think that they're the best thing ever...
Like TBTTF? *spit*

Eric Saward's Trial 14.
Well, I've put up some competition. The first draft of Dalek, Mad Larry's Book of the World, and I've done ten scenes from the alt-VOD. The Sparacus script will be a tad different from the old Chatham Oddessy stuff...

Lonely Hearts works, but Chinballs should have ripped off Corrupt if he wanted to put a dark edge to the series...
Oh yes. Imagine if Suzie replaced Corrupt Kate, much better than "you'll never take me alive, zombie freaks!"

Mind you, if he'd ripped off LH properly... like, every single line and just changed the names, it would have been borderline tolerable. It's easier to forgive things like TKKS or Sleeper when they're not ripping off something done better elsewhere.

Miles Reid said...

Well, Nyder can just go screw himself. Because something comes to mind, I'm not going to pull a Jonathon Blum and use ratings as a yardstick of quality. But if RTD was really as much of a shit poor writer as Nyder claims he is (and this is the guy whose impact on the Doctor Who world is... Kaldor City), why would he keep getting work?

If he was a truly shit writer, why would the BBC, Channel 4, ITV comission his shows time and time again at great expense. Because the TV world wouldn't throw their money at shows they thought to be total rubbish. You would think that someone would've gone 'hang on, he's shit, we better replace him with Steven Moffat.'

But I don't think Nyder understands that, given that he owns Magic Bullet and it's effectivly a vanity press for his fanwank.

hellblazer said...

not trying to stir/snark, but ... how do you tell which one of AS/FM writes the blog posts on Nyder's Diner? I always assumed they were mostly FM's but perhaps I've just been misreading the register...

Youth of Australia said...

Well, Nyder can just go screw himself.
Heh.

But if RTD was really as much of a shit poor writer as Nyder claims he is (and this is the guy whose impact on the Doctor Who world is... Kaldor City), why would he keep getting work?
I dunno. Probably some Gay Welsh Mafia connections, if old Nyder is to be believed.

But I don't think Nyder understands that, given that he owns Magic Bullet and it's effectivly a vanity press for his fanwank.
And not exactly well done fanwank either. Speaking as someone who has tried on several occasions to get through a single FP audio.

not trying to stir/snark, but ... how do you tell which one of AS/FM writes the blog posts on Nyder's Diner? I always assumed they were mostly FM's but perhaps I've just been misreading the register...
Well, old fruit, my main suspicion was the fact the majority of the posts feature things like "Alan continues his songs/recycling/insulting people without Oxford degrees from Cambridge who are chav scum not automatically thinking of Olag Gan as a prostitute strangler" etc. Now, it MAY be FM posting these, but since she's just quoting Alan rather than saying anything herself, the point still stands as I discuss/disgusted by the material directly attributed to AS.

Miles said...

Uh-oh, Nyder better watch out, the Gay Welsh TV Mafia are out to get him! Woooooooeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I don't have an Oxford degree from Cambridge, Oxford's a complete dump.

Youth of Australia said...

If only we'd gone to Hull instead...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Miles is right - RTD is certainly not a bad writer. He makes some bad decisions for some stupid reasons and is very adept at pissing me and other fans off quite often, but he knows his craft inside out. Everything in his scripts is utterly deliberate and thought-out.

Alan Stevens is a bit of an arsehole though, and nowhere near as talented.

Youth of Australia said...

Heh. BTW, it turns out RTD wanted to nuke Buckingham Palace in VOD, but had to rewrite the ending since the budget wouldn't cover it.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

...fuck yeah!

I don't know if I mentioned it, but strangely enough the Buckingham Palace bit pissed me off quite a bit. You know, because he can destroy Number 10 with no problems, along with messing up Big Ben and the Thames, I was quite irritated at the idea that Buckingham Palace was more sacred than any other London landmark. Good to know that we were actually on the same wavelength...

Youth of Australia said...

Blocking Buckinham Palace was the starting point of Turn Left, but AGAIN they didn't have the budget. Hell, they didn't have the budget to set fire to the police box prop. It's amazing how cash starved the new series is...

Cameron Mason said...

They cover up for those deficencies quite well though...

Cameron

Nyder O'Leary said...

Nit-picky and after the event as it may seem, I can't stop myself clarifying this - that bloke is just some guy who calls himself Nyder. I know nothing more about him, and have no desire to, 'cos he can't write. But...

He's not Nyder O'Leary, 'cos I am. I write on www.realreview.ie, and have been doing so for some time - occasional Who stuff, Irish-based observations on society, and most of it's entirely inane. Still, even though I'm not even vaguely funny... well, I'm funnier than THAT.

Just felt a desperate need to clarify that.

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, goodness gracious me. I am SO sorry about that. Crossed wires on my part. I apologize unreservedly.

Truly, truly sorry.