Tuesday, October 14, 2008

God Help Me

An American adaption of a TV show turned good. Actually, that's unfair, there's quite a few of them that worked (albeit in a completely wrong way.... Red Dwarf USA only sucks because it's trying to Red Dwarf UK). But even so, the American version of Kath and Kim... I liked it.

A hell of a lot more than I like the Australian version.

I was amazed at KK's popularity, especially as it was the shittiest, unfunniest and directless piece of crap I had ever seen on television, especially as I would defend to the death work by Glenn Robins, Gina Riley, et all from their very first TV appearance as the bitchy TV morning hosts on While You're Down There. WHY do people like it?! Seriously, I wanted to know. Reviews just said it was funny eighteen thousand times, maybe with a quote of one of their malapropisms (each one delivered with a pause for canned laughter that was never dubbed on - go on, watch the first episode and tell me I'm wrong). I was incredibly relieved after an episode of Enough Rope (I think, I can't be sure), where they showed a clip and the audience laughed.

Oh. The fact they're all retards is supposed to be funny.

Of course, the huge problem I have with this is that on some level... I can't believe they're stupid. I'm used to Coupling, Blackadder, The Office. People have agendas. Plans. Bad luck. I can't suspened my disbelief and tell myself that Gina is a moron. Watch The Games. The entire cast are too freaking intelligent and it comes across like a load of comedians who don't laugh at each other's jokes. I found myself completely baffled by Kim. Why is she so stupid when every scene hints she's got some kind of basic intelligence and is up to something?

I remember one episode when she casually tells Kel, he prospective father in law that Kath is having seconds thoughts when it is blindly clear that Kath is having nothing of the kind. I automatically assume that Kim is trying to sabotage the wedding. But as scenes go by she does nothing else to deliberately ruin things. So... why did she say that? She doesn't believe it, she has no reason to say it? Not even as a mindless bit of sadism, as she doesn't get any vicarious thrill.

The lack of Karma is also something that offends me. Kim is a complete bitch. Yet she is not punished in every episode for this. The biggest defeat she got in the whole series was being stepped on by a horse. But in every episode she is a selfish, spiteful, manipulative and cruel bitch - and that's just to Sharon. The message is clear: it's OK to be mean and nasty because no one will stop you. Why does anyone put up with her? She's not exactly a beauty, is she? That could be a big joke: Kim thinks she's amazingly good looking, but the outside world is trying not to retch. Except... everyone thinks she looks like a supermodel. WHY?

They're all retards. And Barry Humphries saying that is "is the humor of the suburbs" doesn't cut much ice with me. I never found any of his characters interesting or amusing either. Dame Edna wanted Russell Crowe for Christmas, presumably because she liked violent alcoholics (as he was portrayed in the media at the time). Yeah, whatever, mister. Get off Parkinson already.

But, the American TV series is quite different. No annoying pauses. The jokes are funny (not gutbusting hilarious, but at least when Kim says something stupid, everyone is annoyed), and the cast look sufficiently stupid to pull off the role. As about thirty years younger, American Kim convinces as a spoiled and note quite so intelligent brat, yet the episode shows she does actually care about her mother. The scenes in the restaurant where she tries to pull a guy who's already having a romantic dinner are the sort of things I'd write. The idiotic bit in the original where Kath despairs of eating produce not made by her fiance is, actually, a plot point. There's a reason for this to happen. Brett is not a completely weak, spineless dog, but the only man stupid enough to fall in love with Kim. They deserve each other. Honor is satisfied.

Well, if hating KK wasn't enough to get me ostracized, it'll be enjoying the American version.

Best try and change the subject.

OK, a confirmed list of companions who DEFINITELY got lucky!

  • Donna (though Lance prefers shagging giant spiders)
  • Mickey (spent Christmas Eve banging a hot blonde called Rose)
  • Rose (as above, and the Devil never called her a virgin, you notice?)
  • Jack (heh, you're joking right, but on screen in Adrift)
  • Lucie (based on the suspicion that if she goes topless in front of alien morals, she might have gone round the block a few times)
  • Charley (does Scherzo count?)
  • Gemma (she wants to do C'Rizz for fuck's sake...)
  • Ace (with Sabalom Glitz, apparently... well, it explains her odd behavior in Dragonfire anyway)
  • Mel (proves her upstanding moral fibre by grabbing the first bloke she can at a NYE 1999 party, according to Craig Hinton... why not?)
  • Peri (with Nate, according to the audios, and with her stepfather according to everyone who saw Planet of Fire)
  • Turlough (with Juras in his spin off book and some chick in Imperial Moon, I think)
  • Tegan (with Johnny Chess according to the novel, but my money was alwasy on Nyssa)
  • Nyssa (with a scruffy bloke called Andrew, but she had something for Tegan, I bet)
  • Adric (according to Matthew Waterhouse, anyway, and he had a girlfriend on Alzarius)
  • Romana (according to the smutty innuendo of the CIA)
  • Leela (Tomas and Andred are amongst the notches on her post)
  • Harry (his own spin off, again)
  • Jo Grant (well, she wasn't surprised at seeing Cliff naked in The Green Death...)
  • Liz Shaw (probably, she looks like a swinger)
  • Jamie (something happens in Season 4 to turn him from incredibly shy around girls to the randy Scots git we all know and love)
  • Ben and Polly (give me strength)
  • Dodo (she bonks her brains out, deliberately infects herself with an STD, get pregnant and is shot dead by the Master. This girl could party)
  • Steven (with Anne Chaplette in The Massacre)
  • Vicki (she gets knocked up by Troilus)
  • Ian and Barbara (obviously)
  • Susan (there are plenty of discussions of her disgusting sex life in Legacy of the Daleks)

Right, that's lowered the tone and changed the subject. Back to parodying Doomsday. Did I mention I hate most of the fans who review things on DWRG? Yes, it's not the best episode ever. No, it is not an utter betrayal of everything Verity Lambert fought and died for. Get over it, you losers!

12 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Adric (according to Matthew Waterhouse, anyway, and he had a girlfriend on Alzarius)

Okay, now THAT one's suspicious...

Peri (with Nate, according to the audios, and with her stepfather according to everyone who saw Planet of Fire)

Lolz.

Harry (his own spin off, again)

Man, Harry was drowning in the motherfucking pussy.

Interesting that his spin-off was written by Ian Marter, along with the Matthew Waterhouse comment above. If Nick Courtney had written "A Soldier in Time" as he apparently wanted/wants to, how many times would the Brig get laid therein?

Liz Shaw (probably, she looks like a swinger)

Hey, come on, that's a bit baseless..

Susan (there are plenty of discussions of her disgusting sex life in Legacy of the Daleks)

Disgusting how so? Do her and David dress up like their World of Warcraft characters?

Right, that's lowered the tone and changed the subject. Back to parodying Doomsday. Did I mention I hate most of the fans who review things on DWRG? Yes, it's not the best episode ever. No, it is not an utter betrayal of everything Verity Lambert fought and died for. Get over it, you losers!

Hmm, I do consider Doomsday one of the worst stories ever, but I understand all too well the reasons that it was made. I can't pretend to know what Verity Lambert would have thought, though. She may well have been thinking "Who the fuck are the Cybermen?"...

Cameron Mason said...


Liz Shaw (probably, she looks like a swinger)

Hey, come on, that's a bit baseless..


Well one of the book authors wanted to make her a lesbian...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

Okay, now THAT one's suspicious...
Based on the stories from the Short Trip anthologies BF spew out.

Man, Harry was drowning in the motherfucking pussy. Interesting that his spin-off was written by Ian Marter, along with the Matthew Waterhouse comment above. If Nick Courtney had written "A Soldier in Time" as he apparently wanted/wants to, how many times would the Brig get laid therein?
Darn, forgot UNIT! The Brig had his first wife Fiona, plus Doris, plus that Elfin chick when he became King of Faireland in The Storming of Avallion.

Hey, come on, that's a bit baseless..
I haven't seen her spin off films, the curiously-entitled PROBE.

Disgusting how so? Do her and David dress up like their World of Warcraft characters?
...well...

The idea is that Susan doesn't age. So David is now like an 80 year old man who has a teenage girl sex machine as his wife. I kid you not, there is a scene in the book as Susan idly works out what erotic costume she'll wear that night.

Hmm, I do consider Doomsday one of the worst stories ever, but I understand all too well the reasons that it was made.
Yeah, but you don't consider it the zenith of all human culture and a harbinger of the chav apocalypse, do you? You don't dismiss as "sneering, cruel, bunny boilers" those who enjoyed it?

Fuck, I hate those reviewers, I really do. Even more than Ron Mallet or Sparacus. Oh, I enjoyed seeing aliens blowing each other up, so I automatically have no brain and no soul. FUCK YOU, MR. COOKSON!!

I can't pretend to know what Verity Lambert would have thought, though. She may well have been thinking "Who the fuck are the Cybermen?"...
Doubt that. In the 1990s, she tried to bring the show back with Peter Cook as the Doctor. So she'd probably heard of them at the very least...

Youth of Australia said...

Well one of the book authors wanted to make her a lesbian...
Well. Could work. I guess.

I suppose the fact she and the Brigade Leader were clearly bonking might be relevent, and that Ricky and Jake were more than just good friends.

Cameron Mason said...


Based on the stories from the Short Trip anthologies BF spew out.


Was that in the story by Gary Russell?

I love the twist ending to that story...


The idea is that Susan doesn't age. So David is now like an 80 year old man who has a teenage girl sex machine as his wife. I kid you not, there is a scene in the book as Susan idly works out what erotic costume she'll wear that night.


Thank you John Peel (the writer), who also created McBland Doc for his two Dalek destorying stories...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

Was that in the story by Gary Russell? I love the twist ending to that story...
Yes. I think I should write the sequel:

"Oh look, an email from Adric. Send to recycle bin, it's probably not worth reading."

Thank you John Peel (the writer), who also created McBland Doc for his two Dalek destorying stories...

I dunno. In War, he was pretty Pertweeish. But yes, it's a true master achievement to remove every last iota of characterization from Legacy. It was like reading a book featuring the Watcher.

Miles Reid said...

What about Martha Jones?

Youth of Australia said...

Well, I don't know of any references to her getting lucky on TV or in the books or in the comics. In Lazarus it's noted she's a social recluse and her turning up with a boyfriend is an event in and of itself. Yes, she's engaged, but that's no evidence either way. Indeed, we never SEE Mr. Milligan, do we? He might be as Jared notes, a scarecrow in a pinstripe suit for all we know...

Miles Reid said...

Didn't Zoe get lucky in 'The Indestructable Man' when she was running around in a UFO moonbase wig?

And... I've read Rags, I remember reading Jo Grant get off with another woman. Yikes

Youth of Australia said...

Ah, well, I find it hard to consider Indestructible Man canonical. Besides, Zoe wouldn't remember it after her mindwipe.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Zoe had actually been engaged, IIRC. Which means she was getting it regularly.

Jamie was in a high-security prison for most of the story, which also suggests a similar arrangement.

Youth of Australia said...

You know, I was going to laugh at that, but since Jamie spends his nights smoking and indulging in self-harm, that's probably right.

...

Why did you have to ruin my favorite crew, Messingham?! For Captain fucking Scarlet?!