Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Trent's Six

To the poor unfortunates feeling duty-bound to read every post (hello!), I ask that you peruse this particular entry before trying to sweat out the unutterably brilliant Unity. Posted below is the start of one my B7 story ideas, Trent's Six.

The idea - not amazingly original - is that the Federation media seek to blacken the name of the freedom fighters with a TV series portraying them as absolute monsters. The "names changed" stuff is not to protect the innocent but because there is a media blackout on Blake. Officially, he is on Cygnus Alpha and never gets mentioned in the news. In Hostage, though, we learn Blake's an open secret and all the D-notices have done is made him more legendary than ever before. Servalan, foaming at the mouth, demands to know who's been spreading these stories.

Part of me, admittedly, wanted Councilor Joban to retort "Don't you watch TV, Supreme Commander?"

So, anyway, I decided to transcribe an episode of Trent's Six. The idea was this ghastly ultraviolent parody would be Garth Marenghi meets Kaldor City, via the most agonizing B7 episode (ironically, the aforementioned Hostage which nudges out Animals because it COULD have been so much better.)

But, I cannot deny, prose humor is not my strength. I don't capture slapstick very well, and wordplay can easily turn into pages of dialogue. I've never been good at Douglas Adams-style "make it funny by psychoanalyzing props in the scene" digressions either. And satire? Am I any good at satire? Obscene farce, yes. I'm a Young Ones fan more than I am a Frontline one. Adrian Edmson on a wrecking ball smashing up a kitchen gets to my funny bone a lot quicker than the duplicity of media ethics in workplace relations. Though I do get the jokes, I hasten to add.

So, I post this incomplete work in the simple hope of the clever writers I know judging it worthy of continuing. Should I finish it? Is it one of those things funnier to discuss than actually read? Does the mindless violence get old fast?

For the record, before we continue...

Blake/Trent - David Harewood, aka Riarf Kcut from The End of Time
Iago/Avon - John Simm, aka Harold Saxon from The Lakes and that episode of Cracker
Klyne/Vila - Mark Donovan, aka Memorable Zombie Number 2 from Shaun of the Dead and Scary Grigor from Black Books
Cally/Stella - Keeley Hawes, aka Alex "Were You In Upstairs Downstairs Last Night, Bollyknickers?" Drake
Jenna/Astrid - MyAnna Burning, aka Scooty from The Descent Into the Satan Pit Which Is Impossible


And so, Trent's Six...





Sailing through the star-studded canopy of celestial spaces was the starship Anarchy. Once the cream of the Federation deep space fleet, the experimental cruiser had fallen into the hands of the notorious Trent gang who had slaughtered the innocent crew and used it to wage a terrorist war against all civilization.

Right now, in the specially customized torture chamber built into the flight deck of the Anarchy, two of the crew were tidying away the corpses of some bond slave children they had spent the last few days slowly mudering.

“Quiet, isn’t it?” said Klyne idly as he washed the blood from his hands.

“Yes,” Iago agreed. “Especially now the screaming has stopped.”

“Oh, Iago!” Klyne laughed. “You kill me.”

“Oh, I intend to,” Iago rasped lustfully.

Kaston Iago, the Butcher of Lower Adelaide, was a violent sexual sadist and psychopath whose depraved and unspeakable lusts intimidated even his fellow criminal psychopaths aboard the Anarchy. Only his self-taught skills as a computer programmer and professional assassin had kept Trent and the others from killing him as he slept – that and the fear of what he might do in revenge should the attempt fail, that is.

Vadel Klyne, meanwhile, was technically even worse than Iago. A series of desperate and merciful brain alterations had been carried out to turn the rotund mass-murderer into a useful, caring member of society. Klyne’s vicious knife-attacks and hair-trigger murder sprees were restrained by an implanted comic relief sidekick persona which made him endearing, even to some of his victims.

As the odd pair prepared to retire for the evening, the central flight computer Zed spluttered into life. Zed had once been a fellow comrade called Galongar, who had made a noble and futile attempt to put Trent away from the path of vicious destruction. Trent, furious, had allowed Iago to strip the flesh from Galongar’s skull and wire his brain into the navigational computers. Every time Zed spoke, painful electronic feedback tortured Galongar’s ravaged body. Often the crew asked Zed to tell them the time, just for the fun of tormenting him.

Information. Forward sensors show Federation pursuit ships are attempting to once again reason with their enemies.

“How kind of them,” boomed the tall ebony-skinned Trent as he strode onto the flight deck. “We shall repay their open-mindedness with certain death! Zed, destroy them all! No survivors! Let there be blood across the vacuum of space!”

“It’s a bit subtle for me,” Klyne whispered. “What does he mean?”

Iago rolled his eyes. “Battle stations.”

“Oh. Well, he could have just said so!”


* * *

As Galongar sobbed and moaned, Zed activated the battle computers and plotted a course to attack the approaching pursuit ships. Trent needed all hands on deck, so he reluctantly allowed his pair of concubines Stella and Astrid to leave his quarters and assist him in destroying innocent human life. Stella and Astrid were willing to do so, as they found destroying innocent human life their greatest turn-on.

Closer and closer the Anarchy drew to the Federation fleet. Ignoring the pleas and entreaties from the crew, the pursuit ships were forced to open fire, launching plasma bolts in perfectly-justifiable self-defense. The Anarchy’s looted defense shields caused the bolts to disperse harmlessly and the crew cackled evilly, rubbing their hands with glee at the carnage they were about to inflict.

“They’re trying to stop us!” Trent noted, outraged.

“I can see that,” Iago sighed. “They are no threat.”

In final desperation, a young pilot with his whole life ahead of him, a young bride and loving parents, chose to kamikaze dive-bomb his pursuit ship straight into the side of the Anarchy. The resulting explosion atomized him and sent the pirate ship hurtling out of control across the emptiness of space.

“No threat!?” Klyne spat phlegm everywhere. “What do you call that?”

Trent reached across and snapped the bones in Klyne’s forearms. “Must I remind you who is ruler and who is slave? There is a mass of ionized particles in vector three. Pilot us into that and the Federation won’t see us for dust.”

Astrid pouted in such a way as to expose more of her breasts out of her tight blood-red fetishist gear and bondage restraints. “Trent, at this speed even the smallest particle...”

Trent punched her in the face. “Quench it, Astrid! Full thrust!”

Sobbing, Astrid did so.

The Anarchy tumbled into the crackling, flickering lightning storm and then emerged the other side unharmed. Aboard, Klyne forced Stella to dope him up with relaxants until he was giggling insanely and drooling uncontrollably.

Iago laughed and used a small and handy crystal blade to carve his initials in Klyne’s back while he was insensible.


* * *

The obscene crew of the Anarchy were unaware that the brave and distinguished Commander Fibuli was leading a valiant strike attack against the forces of darkness. Desperate not to allow human lives to be put to risk, Fibuli had a crew entirely of mutoids who were expendable. His own life meant nothing, and all he desired was to serve the Federation and save its people from the horrors Trent would unleash.

“Now we’ll see what the Anarchy is made of,” he murmured. “We can’t let her get away a second time. Oh, if only there was another way!”

As the rest of the fleet began an attack run, Fibuli sighed sadly.

“Oh, I can only hope Trent and his crew do not suffer for long...”

* * *


“Zed, relative position?” snarled Trent.

Galongar wept silently. “Anarchy is centered on all flight paths.

“Zed,” shouted Iago, “can we withstand an attack of this magnitude?”

No information.

Iago blew away Galongar’s kneecaps with a plasma rifle. “Wrong answer!”

The plasma bolts struck the Anarchy, explosions ripping through the flight deck and jolting the murderous crew hither and tither and yon. As another five plasma bolts slammed into the hull, Trent and Astrid struggled to reset the controls. Trent drop-kicked his sex slave and snapped, “It’s all right, woman! I can do it!”

“Tch! Woman drivers!” Klyne said, and gave Stella another black eye.


* * *


In a sudden burst of remorse, Commander Fibuli contacted Alpha Section and begged them to withdraw from the attack and give the Anarchy one last chance to surrender peacefully. With twenty hits registered, the terror-cruiser hurtled off into free space, rejecting this last offer of salvation.

“She’s flown right through us!” Fibuli exclaimed, nobly placing himself under arrest for his failures. “We can’t possibly catch her now. I thought for sure they were going to see the error of their ways. Oh, at least there’s a chance this close call will make them reevaluate the terrible life they have chosen to lead!”


* * *


“That was the biggest attack they’ve mounted on us yet!” Trent growled in an evil sort of way. “It’s clear they fear my might and power! Soon the weak commoners will beg me to lead them into a new age of moral absolutism.”

“Yes, no doubt,” Iago yawned. “What troubles me is that the Federation have developed a detector shield.”

“It was inevitable,” Stella pointed out. “The Federation has vast resources to call upon and will go to any lengths to protect its people.”

“That isn’t the problem,” he said, kicking her legs from under her. “The problem is now that we cannot make a fortune by selling them my prototype detector shield that causes cancer in underdeveloped immune systems!”

Klyne sighed. “I mean, who doesn’t like watching diseased babies die?”

Everyone chuckled happily and then a clicking noise filled the chamber.

Information,” Zed boomed. “Automatic monitoring registered a message directed at Trent personally. Transferring message to main screen.

“If this is junk mail, Zed,” Iago warned, “I shall have you calculate pi again!”

The screen lit up with the handsome, pale features of Crall Tarrant. The brave space adventurer had tried to negotiate a peaceful settlement between Trent and the Federation only for Trent to shoot him repeatedly, put his head in a cage and let a feral warg gnaw half his face off. Trent had allowed Crall to live as a living testament of what he intended to do to all humanity – ravage it at whim until it was as twisted and disgusting as Trent himself.

Like all Federation officers in Space Command, Crall was made of stern stuff and had proudly worn the scars picked up as a badge of honor and courage. A highly-fashionable black eye-patch covered the damaged side of his head, and a magnificent cybernetic arm replaced the one Iago had hacked off to use as a novelty conversation piece back-scratcher.

“Trent, I am sending from the planet Rabex,” he said calmly. “Because it is here I have located your long-lost Gina and your brother Neston. I know you thought they had perished thanks to the lies and falsehoods of the evil Arbiter General, but as you can clearly see they are alive.”

The images of two pathetically-grateful-looking savages filled the screen.

“I have no intention of harming them. All I ask is you come to Rabex and talk. This is not a trick – alone, the Federation will pick you off one at a time. If we work out a solution, we can all survive this.”

“This bores me,” Iago said and used a pump-action shotgun to blow out the screen in a shower of broken glass that imbedded in Galengar’s screaming face.

“Who exactly is Gina?” demanded Astrid huskily.

“She meant a lot to me once.”

“Is that because she’s your daughter?” asked Klyne.

Trent’s eyes darted from side to side. “Um. Yeah. Of course. Definitely.”

“It’s a trap, of course,” said Iago, reloading his gun.

“Possibly,” Trent conceded.

“What else could it be?”

“Klyne, he wants to kill us,” Astrid agreed. “The Federation will never forgive us for all the truly horrible and disgusting and obscene and perverted viciousness we’ve displayed. Oh, we’ve been naughty. We really, really have!”

“Yes,” Iago replied. “If our positions were reversed, would you want to offer absolution to those you hate and want to kill?”

“You heard him,” Trent barked “he’s got my pretty squishy lovely. By which I mean my daughter. Do you believe that he won’t kill her?”

Iago blinked. “No,” he said confused.

“No, nor I. But I want to go to Rabex. I don’t expect any of you to come with me, being all self-interested back-stabbing crimos, but you can at least take me there and plot further acts of unspeakable cruelty to innocent civilians.”

“You’re being na├»ve! All of you! Klyne?” Iago barked.

“Well, she has got a pretty face,” the chubby nutter said. “Is she legal?”

“No,” said Trent with a perverted chuckle. “It’s one of the reasons I want her back so badly.” He cleared his throat. “As a loving, er, father. Of course.”

“I still say that it is an unacceptable risk!” Iago barked.

Trent leaped to his feet. “It is not unacceptable because I accept it!”

Iago stared at him, amazed at such a powerful display of logic and passionate reasoning. “Fair enough,” he shrugged. Next stop: Rabex!”

28 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

lol, wonderfully disturbing. My favourite gag was the Federation crews begging their captains not to open fire.

Hmm, I'll give it some thought but I have no idea where it'd go from there...

Youth of Australia said...

Probably just do the same sort of shtick for the rest of the episode, I guess. Glad you enjoyed it though.

On a downer note, Caroline John (AKA Liz Shaw) has joined the choir invisible - actually happened at the start of the month, but it's only just been announced.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Yeah I saw that when I looked at Big Finish's website. I was hoping for some skerrick of official word on the Blakes 7 submissions, since after the Doctor Who ones they went "Christ you sent us a lot of crap!" I guess no word is a good sign that they HAVEN'T been inundated so we mightn't have Rick Briggs to contend with.

But, yeah. Quite sad to see Liz Shaw is no longer with us. I was uncharitable enough to briefly wonder if having the clueless main character of Prometheus named after her finished her off...

Youth of Australia said...

after the Doctor Who ones they went "Christ you sent us a lot of crap!"
LOL. I remember in the extras for Demons of Red Lodge, Briggsy and the others kept saying "oh, we had to get four stories out of twenty thousand it was such a lot of work" and I kept noticing they never said it was HARD work...

I guess no word is a good sign that they HAVEN'T been inundated so we mightn't have Rick Briggs to contend with.
Or Nala Snevets... Oh, and continuing the funereal tone, Paul Darrow's missus died recently too. I hope they didn't show that scene from "Blake" in the news...

But, yeah. Quite sad to see Liz Shaw is no longer with us. I was uncharitable enough to briefly wonder if having the clueless main character of Prometheus named after her finished her off...
You seen Prometheus? I was thinking of going to see it, possibly. (Got some free movie passes, you see).

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

LOL. I remember in the extras for Demons of Red Lodge, Briggsy and the others kept saying "oh, we had to get four stories out of twenty thousand it was such a lot of work" and I kept noticing they never said it was HARD work...

Well, yeah. We saw on OG how many entries they got would have been borderline legible and not in anything resembling script format..

I actually had to judge a writing competition when working for Warringah Library, you know? It's a real. Fucking. Slog. I mean, yeah, it's not DIFFICULT. But just... dispiriting.

Oh, and continuing the funereal tone, Paul Darrow's missus died recently too. I hope they didn't show that scene from "Blake" in the news...

Huh. I had no idea.

You seen Prometheus? I was thinking of going to see it, possibly. (Got some free movie passes, you see).

Yeah I watched it last Tuesday. I'd give it a recommendation... with an asterisk.

Setting, design and atmosphere are great. Michael Fassbender is amazing, rest of the cast solid. Interesting backstory and subtext. Very solid foundation.

Unfortunately, a lot of the plot relies on characters being stupid. Yes, I know for a sci-fi body horror this is a given. BUT this film well and truly contains more stupidity than any I haven't seen on MST3K.

When I was done watching I had enjoyed myself, but I figured if I was terribly invested in the Alien franchise I would have been disappointed.

Youth of Australia said...

Well, yeah. We saw on OG how many entries they got would have been borderline legible and not in anything resembling script format..
True. The short stories were of a generally high quality, tho.

Yeah I watched it last Tuesday. I'd give it a recommendation... with an asterisk.
Oh dear.

Unfortunately, a lot of the plot relies on characters being stupid. Yes, I know for a sci-fi body horror this is a given. BUT this film well and truly contains more stupidity than any I haven't seen on MST3K.
...so we're beyond even Torchwood levels?

When I was done watching I had enjoyed myself, but I figured if I was terribly invested in the Alien franchise I would have been disappointed.
I was getting quite disenfranchised with it - saw Aliens recently and I was amazed at how fucking stupid all the human marines were.

These things bleed acid.

So, just maybe, stop putting pump-action guns in their mouths and blowing their heads up. This might just, you know, be a help.

I ended up feeling sorry for the eyeless starbeast things, as they were better characterized than any of the humans. Jeez, take away Sigourney Weaver's acting and Ripley is a total emo with violent mood swings...

And Land of the Dead was shite too!

(Random segue, but I saw it on Saturday Night and found the most boring zombie apocalypse ever. The one in Father Ted was more interesting...)

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

True. The short stories were of a generally high quality, tho.

I have to admit I don't remember reading many of those at all. ISTR that opportunity having very relaxed guidelines as well..

...so we're beyond even Torchwood levels?

Oh, I forgot about Torchwood. Hmmm, probably hovering just below season 1 levels, then.

So, just maybe, stop putting pump-action guns in their mouths and blowing their heads up. This might just, you know, be a help.

Body armour and protective face-wear could also be an idea..

I ended up feeling sorry for the eyeless starbeast things, as they were better characterized than any of the humans.

...damn it, this is the bit where I have to fess up and admit I've only seen half the film..

(Random segue, but I saw it on Saturday Night and found the most boring zombie apocalypse ever. The one in Father Ted was more interesting...)

Weeeeell, in a half-hearted attempt to be fair isn't it meant to be one of the very first, if not THE first? The one that came first always ends up looking formulaic..

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, I forgot about Torchwood. Hmmm, probably hovering just below season 1 levels, then.
That is... dispiritingly high levels.

Body armour and protective face-wear could also be an idea..
Just generally speaking, yeah.

...damn it, this is the bit where I have to fess up and admit I've only seen half the film..
...which half?

Weeeeell, in a half-hearted attempt to be fair isn't it meant to be one of the very first, if not THE first? The one that came first always ends up looking formulaic..
Oh. No. That's NIGHT of the Living Dead which I saw and thought was quite decent (not the subtext-riddled diatribe on racism and prejudice people claim, but a decent flick in and of itself with some proper creepy bits).

Land of the Dead was the one from the noughties with Simon "the Mentalist" Baker swearing and shooting zombies who just wanted to live their own, vaguely Addams-Family-ish, lives.

I mean, if you showed someone Land of the Dead and Shaun of the Dead, no one would think Simon Pegg was in a spoof...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

That is... dispiritingly high levels.

Well, yeah. I know you have a low tolerance for stupidity. You could ask Miles, for a second opinion, though. I recommend Avengers but I'm guessing you've seen it.

Though as I said, there's a lot to be impressed with in Prometheus. It's right up there with the best looking sci-fis that have been made.

...which half?

The second half.

Oh. No. That's NIGHT of the Living Dead which I saw and thought was quite decent

Oh, there you go....

Land of the Dead was the one from the noughties with Simon "the Mentalist" Baker swearing and shooting zombies who just wanted to live their own, vaguely Addams-Family-ish, lives.

Oh, THAT one? Where they get freaked out because the zombies are working out how to use tools and stuff like that?

Youth of Australia said...

Well, yeah. I know you have a low tolerance for stupidity. You could ask Miles, for a second opinion, though. I recommend Avengers but I'm guessing you've seen it.
No, but I want to. Miles thought the lady playing "Liz Shaw" was good, but I didn't get much of a feel of what the film was like.

The second half.
Yeah... the weaker half, really...

Oh, THAT one? Where they get freaked out because the zombies are working out how to use tools and stuff like that?
Yeah. The first shot of the film is a kind of Roysten Vasey of zombies all being nice and friendly to each other, with a brass band (who are crap because not all of them have lungs) just minding their own business.

Sadly it went downhill from there on, with the zombies getting about fifteen minutes of screentime in the whole film.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

No, but I want to. Miles thought the lady playing "Liz Shaw" was good, but I didn't get much of a feel of what the film was like.

Yeah, she is a very talented actress. Noomi Rapace, the original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Was also the Gypsy in Sherlock Holmes 2 if you saw it.

The only fault with her performance is that she's meant to be British but she has trouble with the accent (I think she was aiming for Welsh) and sounds French quite a lot of the time.

Sadly it went downhill from there on, with the zombies getting about fifteen minutes of screentime in the whole film.

You have to wonder what kind of decisions lead to films like that getting made...

Youth of Australia said...

Yeah, she is a very talented actress. Noomi Rapace, the original Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
Yep. Was quite a bewildering conversation really...

Miles: Saw Prometheus. It's so sad Liz Shaw gets raped in Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
Me: ...well... erm...

The only fault with her performance is that she's meant to be British but she has trouble with the accent (I think she was aiming for Welsh) and sounds French quite a lot of the time.
And she's not just a British woman of Franco descent then?

You have to wonder what kind of decisions lead to films like that getting made...
I can only conclude George A Romero wanted to prove the franchise, unlike the zombies, could not reanimate...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Miles: Saw Prometheus. It's so sad Liz Shaw gets raped in Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
Me: ...well... erm...


Lmao. Classic Miles.

And she's not just a British woman of Franco descent then?

Well... she's shown as a young girl in flashback with her father who is definitely English, her young version has an English accent, her mother isn't in the frame at that stage and she apparently spent a lot of her childhood in Islamic nations. So... I dunno, she could have spent her formative years in France or something. Why not?

Youth of Australia said...

Lmao. Classic Miles.
I think he gets a kick out of making me think I've gone dyslexic...

I dunno, she could have spent her formative years in France or something. Why not?
Yes, she spent her formative years in France... MURDERING PROSTITUTES AND STRANGLING CATS!!! IT'S ALL IN THE SUBTEXT!!!!

So, is this a proper prequel to Alien or just some thematic accompaniment?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

So, is this a proper prequel to Alien or just some thematic accompaniment?

Hmmmm... well, it's a bit confusing. I don't want to get spoiler-y but the film barely features the iconic Alien. It DOES, however, provide a (somewhat vague) origin story, and is possibly set on the same planet as the first film. (Although I've seen fans saying it's a different but similar one, I don't know..)

But thematically this one isn't very concerned with the titular Aliens, which I think is why it didn't use that title. Another race is introduced that are central to THIS film, and it's left open for a sequel.. that would entirely concern these Prometheans, let's say, and wouldn't have anything to do with the classic Xenomorphs.

So it does work as a prequel to Alien but the Aliens themselves are not central to the story, I guess is the short version.

Youth of Australia said...

...OK.

So, um, does Weyland Yutani turn up?

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Yeah, it's all funded by Weyland Corporation. (So it's set pre-merger)

Youth of Australia said...

Ack! But Weyland-Yutani is merged in 2003 according to the last series of Angel!

I DUB THIS UNCANON!!!!!!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

So who the fuck is Yutani?

Youth of Australia said...

AFAIR she's the ugly Chinese woman at the end of Alien Versus Predator: Requiem who gets a piece of Predator and gets told by the random MIB who gives it to her that she should build a special organization to deal with all this dangerous phantasmagoria.

If you thought the end of Tooth and Claw was unsubtle, imagine:

Victoria: Yes, we have many enemies.

Isobel: You should totally set up an undercover organization to fight monsters and aliens that is dedicated to the crown and will make the British Empire greater than ever before and also lay in wait for the Doctor should he ever return and also call it the Torchwood Institute as a memorial and make sure that there are branches in Cardiff and London and get a bitching hexagonal logo drawn up to be put on all stationary, windows, you name it and then in two hundred years, it'll be the twentyfirst century and everything will change and Torchwood will be ready and everyone will turn bissexual!

Victoria: ...yeah. Um. OK. I'm going to stand over here now.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Wow. Yeah I didn't see AVP: Requiem. I had a distinct feeling it would really suck.

And I DID enjoy the first one. And Predators.


God, the franchise has been crap for a while, hasn't it?

Youth of Australia said...

Wow. Yeah I didn't see AVP: Requiem. I had a distinct feeling it would really suck.
On the plus side, it was so badly made you could hardly see a thing. But there was a real "make it disgusting, nothing else interests us" vibe to it all... which was rather defeated by it being so dark you couldn't see anything.

And I DID enjoy the first one. And Predators.
They both played to the strengths in the concept, and also remembered that mankind is NOT simply fodder to be buggered to death in action scenes.

Plus, the greatest post-Shakespeare line of blank verse:
"Five o'clock. Time to stop snorting cocaine and start raping bitches again."

God, the franchise has been crap for a while, hasn't it?
I haven't seen the first AVP film. That might be good, I don't know. And Alien Ressurrection was quite good, you can tell Joss Whedon was at the wheel when the Evil Company suddenly actually has a motive beyond MONEY AND EVIL! In fact, I dare say it inspired a bit of Jekyll all told.

Now, Klien and Utterson taking on the Xenomorphs? THAT I will pay to watch.

Miles Reid said...

Okay, basically

It's a good first half, the second half goes off the rail. Basically, after Liz Shaw performs a C-Section on herself, the film goes downhill.

Oh, and spoilers alert.

While it isn't original (it's basically the best version of 'At The Mountains of Madness' we're ever going to get), it was okay, it looked nice, it's possibly the nicest looking SF film in a while. But where Alien felt fresh and innovative at the time through the simple fact that the characters were 'space truckers', this feels like a much more bog-standard 1950s B-Movie, or essentially...

Tomb of the Cybermen.

Wait a minute... that makes a hell of a lot of sense, nearly all the characters in Prometheus have an equivilant in Tomb of the Cybermen.

But the thing is, I really miss those sorts of 'space movies', they just don't seem to make them anymore. There are some nice attempts of 'Sense of Wonder', the 'Holographic Ghost Chase', the fantastic sets and ante-chambers and the Holograms in the control room are nice little set pieces. But, in the end, no matter how you dress it up, up the budget and drain out all the fun, it's still a B-Movie.

Miles Reid said...

On a side note...

How the FUCK did I somehow miss Farscape in the last decade? That show is great!

Youth of Australia said...

[Crichton]
WELCOME! To the Federation Starship - SS Buttcrack!
[/Crichton]

Cameron Mason said...

How the FUCK did I somehow miss Farscape in the last decade?

Well if you lived in Australia I'd put it down to shite scheduling by the free to network that screened it...

Miles Reid said...

That is kind of what happened with Farscape on the BBC. It had a Monday teatime slot on BBC 2 during its first season when I was taking night classes at college. Then, since the BBC's atitude to Sci-Fi shows before Doctor Who came back was a sort of 'No-one's gonna watch this shit!' Then played silly buggers with it and so I saw... four episodes, maybe five.

Youth of Australia said...

That sounds more organized than Farscape got. It took Channel 9 THREE YEARS to show the first season - it showed the first six episodes, a dozen to fill out gaps during the Olympics of 2000, then the last four were squeezed out in a non-ratings period.

They still haven't shown season four.

AND THEY MADE THE FUCKING THING!

When it comes to Channel 9? Scapers gotta hate. And don't mention their treatment of Babylon 5, either...