Blake's 7 Magazine was one of Marvel's success stories, achieving more popularity in 25 issues than Doctor Who Magazine had managed in two whole Doctors. The magazine voluntarily closed its doors in August 1983 when it was confirmed the show was not coming back, and when it appeared the show was being resurrected in the mid-1990s, there was no hesitation in bringing the mag back - though, unfortunately, there was no actual material for them to print.
Doctor Who Magazine graciously stepped in to help out, and thus two special magazines were completed as an Andrew Pixley archive on the whole show (the first issue synopsis, the second production). But with there being no revival of B7 - even those damn audio plays wouldn't be out for another four years - it was decided to abandon Blake's 7 Magazine and focus on a 70s-cult-nostalgia magazine called Playback (which focused as much on Blake's 7 as it did Sapphire & Steel, The Wombles and Dad's Army).
Thus, here is the last published Blake's 7 comic... unless you include gags from TV Action! (where the Goodies are arrested by a Federation trooper) or The Last Word (Ace gets all her weapons from Dayna Mellanby, as they have much in common).
Doctor Who Magazine graciously stepped in to help out, and thus two special magazines were completed as an Andrew Pixley archive on the whole show (the first issue synopsis, the second production). But with there being no revival of B7 - even those damn audio plays wouldn't be out for another four years - it was decided to abandon Blake's 7 Magazine and focus on a 70s-cult-nostalgia magazine called Playback (which focused as much on Blake's 7 as it did Sapphire & Steel, The Wombles and Dad's Army).
Thus, here is the last published Blake's 7 comic... unless you include gags from TV Action! (where the Goodies are arrested by a Federation trooper) or The Last Word (Ace gets all her weapons from Dayna Mellanby, as they have much in common).
Blockade!
Issue: Blake's 7 Magazine Winter Special (1994)Writer: Gareth Roberts
Art: Martin Geraghty
Summary:
Hearing rumors of a war on the planet Konesta between the native population and the Federation, Blake has the Liberator head to the planet to investigate. Upon arrival, a Federation ship leaves the surface and heads for the Liberator - but before the crew can open fire, they are contacted by Dr. Zeer Hills who is aboard the ship. She explains the ship is a medical cruiser full of injured civilians, as she has been allowed by the Federation to tend the casualties from the war. Blake teleports across and confirms Hills' story, realizing she is an idealistic like himself, but Avon remains suspicious. Orac confirms Hills' story, but reveals the medical ship is actually a disguised Federation battleship. Aboard the cruiser, one of the medics draws a gun and reveals this is all a trap, using Hills' genuine desire to aid real casualties to distract Blake. Blake, Jenna and Cally defeat the Federation agents, but not before they arm the cruiser's missiles, forcing the Liberator to destroy the cruiser - and all the innocents aboard - in self-defense.
Continuity:
This story is clearly set at some point between Trial and Gambit. Blake, Cally and Vila seem to be wearing their outfits from Redemption, while Jenna wears a weird skin-tight red pvc outfit with black and white strips with a circular gap exposing her cleavage. Avon wears a black outfit with heavy shoulderpads.
Blake doesn't disagree when Avon accuses him of enjoying ordering Zen to open fire on Federation ships. He doesn't take Hills story entirely on trust, and insists on not only sparing the ship but also providing the Liberator's medical kit technology to help the wounded. He's clearly cheered that there are other idealists working inside the system, and he would most likely have stayed on the cruiser despite the danger if Avon hadn't saved the crew at the last second.
Avon sensibly gets Orac to check out Hills' story (something Blake really ought to have thought of himself), and is as always undermining Blake's reputation, reminding Vila about what happened to Gan. He has no qualms about destroying a civilian ship in self-defense, and instinctively saves Blake and the others even when he could have let them die and seize control of the Liberator. As in The Web, Avon is the first to criticize his own selfless actions.
Vila is apparently drunk for most of this story, as he hugs a bottle of liquid (until dropping it in fright when his life is endangered) and is eager to knock it back with company, even Avon's. He's remarkably relaxed and confident there's no danger around. (Given Blake's disapproval of Vila's binge drinking, he must be "off duty" - perhaps he's still recovering from the punishment he got in Hostage and the booze is medicinal?)
Orac bitches he is busy examining the nature of pulsars, against which the crew's requests are "trifles".
The Liberator is rather oddly-depicted in this strip, with its spherical engine being disproportionately large and also shown as much smaller than in the series, with a Federation ship being a quarter of its size (compare to the numerous shots where other ships are tiny against it). The main screen (which has a lot of interference on it) is an actual hexagonal screen rather than an oval hologram. Zen clears the neutron blasters for firing without being asked and communicates with the teleport section by a hexagonal speaker beside the doorway rather than the usual rainbow grille beside the teleport. The teleport effect is depicted at both ends as the subject turning into a bleached out silhouette filled with concetric circles.
Seven years previous, the planet Konestra was annexed by the Federation after a long and bloody struggle but recently the resistance struck back. The Federation responded with an all-out slaughter that killed thousands. The Federation's media blackout meant that the war was simply rumored to be occuring, and they hired medics from an independent planet to deal with the civilian injuries. When Federation Security realized Blake was intending to investigate Konestra, they offered the medical team what they thought was a carrier ship and replaced the pilot and a medic with security agents. The battle cruiser is armed with plasma missiles capable of destroying the Liberator (it seems the force wall can't deflect these weapons, so it's odd the Federation doesn't use them more often...) and the pilot seems almost wired into the control systems, wearing a helmet connected to cables into the flight computer and floating hologram images. (The technology of this cruiser is seemingly the most advanced the Federation has ever shown, so maybe it's a prototype that was too expensive to replace?).
Konestra is seemingly a planet treated the same as Zondor in Warlord - skyscrapers full of people with shaved heads and numbers stamped on their brows under the guard by troopers. The Federation use strange-looking cruisers and floating vehicles on the surface (they never mastered anti-grav technology to that degree in the series, but maybe Konestra has really low gravity).
The independent medical team all wear the red cross logo, and Hills wears wierd rayban sunglasses while working (presumably they help diagnose patients' status like X-ray specs).
Quotes:
Vila: Come on, Avon, lighten up. Blake can look after himself.
Avon: Of that I have no doubt. But as we know, Vila, he is not very good at looking after other people.
Hills: I don't know how to thank you...
Blake: Then don't try.
Avon: I don't like this. Blake's... recklessness... has got us into trouble before.
Cally: [smiles] The word you're searching for is "bravery".
Avon: Well now, the word I was thinking of was "stupidity".
Vila: Is there anything I can do, Avon?
Avon: Not that I've noticed.
Jenna: [after Cally has beat nine colours of crap out of a Federation agent] You went to a good school.
Cally: I didn't, actually.
Vila: Hello, Avon, thought you might be lonely. Need some company?
Avon: If you count as company, eternal isolation has a considerable appeal.
Orac: Ahem! IF you have finished these pathetic squabbles...?
Hills: You must leave, Blake. If you stay, we'll be killed. This way, at least you and your crew will survive. Go!
Blake: We can't abandon you - [he is abruptly teleported out]
Hills: You already have.
Blake: Hills was a pawn in the Federation's game. They made her death unavoidable.
Jenna: Death's a fairly unavoidable thing.
Avon: I don't know. Some people have a talent for avoiding it.
Blake: And Avon - thank you for bringing me back. You could have left me over there. You surprised me.
[Blake walks off.]
Avon: I surprised myself.
Comment:
While it's refreshing to encounter the Second Season crew for a change, the artwork is not the best - Geraghty's style is still in the 'old, lumpen charicatures' he used in DWM at the time, and is clearly not comfortable drawing these strange people and spaceships, with all the original characters and settings his usual grotty future Robocop-chic clashing with the B7 usual minimalist style. The bizarre layout of the panels and arty closeups is rather odd as well. In story terms, it's very similar to a Robert Holmes story, with Avon and Vila getting all the funny stuff while Blake and the girls deal with a depressingly cynical slaughter of innocents in a rather sparse B-plot. There's just not enough space to give anyone any real characterization beyond Avon's traditional blend of Blake's bodyguard and biggest critic. Had the new magazine taken off, with multiple-part stories, this could have been the start of something great. But, alas...
An awkward attempt to compress a full-length B7 episode into eight pages.
Hearing rumors of a war on the planet Konesta between the native population and the Federation, Blake has the Liberator head to the planet to investigate. Upon arrival, a Federation ship leaves the surface and heads for the Liberator - but before the crew can open fire, they are contacted by Dr. Zeer Hills who is aboard the ship. She explains the ship is a medical cruiser full of injured civilians, as she has been allowed by the Federation to tend the casualties from the war. Blake teleports across and confirms Hills' story, realizing she is an idealistic like himself, but Avon remains suspicious. Orac confirms Hills' story, but reveals the medical ship is actually a disguised Federation battleship. Aboard the cruiser, one of the medics draws a gun and reveals this is all a trap, using Hills' genuine desire to aid real casualties to distract Blake. Blake, Jenna and Cally defeat the Federation agents, but not before they arm the cruiser's missiles, forcing the Liberator to destroy the cruiser - and all the innocents aboard - in self-defense.
Continuity:
This story is clearly set at some point between Trial and Gambit. Blake, Cally and Vila seem to be wearing their outfits from Redemption, while Jenna wears a weird skin-tight red pvc outfit with black and white strips with a circular gap exposing her cleavage. Avon wears a black outfit with heavy shoulderpads.
Blake doesn't disagree when Avon accuses him of enjoying ordering Zen to open fire on Federation ships. He doesn't take Hills story entirely on trust, and insists on not only sparing the ship but also providing the Liberator's medical kit technology to help the wounded. He's clearly cheered that there are other idealists working inside the system, and he would most likely have stayed on the cruiser despite the danger if Avon hadn't saved the crew at the last second.
Avon sensibly gets Orac to check out Hills' story (something Blake really ought to have thought of himself), and is as always undermining Blake's reputation, reminding Vila about what happened to Gan. He has no qualms about destroying a civilian ship in self-defense, and instinctively saves Blake and the others even when he could have let them die and seize control of the Liberator. As in The Web, Avon is the first to criticize his own selfless actions.
Vila is apparently drunk for most of this story, as he hugs a bottle of liquid (until dropping it in fright when his life is endangered) and is eager to knock it back with company, even Avon's. He's remarkably relaxed and confident there's no danger around. (Given Blake's disapproval of Vila's binge drinking, he must be "off duty" - perhaps he's still recovering from the punishment he got in Hostage and the booze is medicinal?)
Orac bitches he is busy examining the nature of pulsars, against which the crew's requests are "trifles".
The Liberator is rather oddly-depicted in this strip, with its spherical engine being disproportionately large and also shown as much smaller than in the series, with a Federation ship being a quarter of its size (compare to the numerous shots where other ships are tiny against it). The main screen (which has a lot of interference on it) is an actual hexagonal screen rather than an oval hologram. Zen clears the neutron blasters for firing without being asked and communicates with the teleport section by a hexagonal speaker beside the doorway rather than the usual rainbow grille beside the teleport. The teleport effect is depicted at both ends as the subject turning into a bleached out silhouette filled with concetric circles.
Seven years previous, the planet Konestra was annexed by the Federation after a long and bloody struggle but recently the resistance struck back. The Federation responded with an all-out slaughter that killed thousands. The Federation's media blackout meant that the war was simply rumored to be occuring, and they hired medics from an independent planet to deal with the civilian injuries. When Federation Security realized Blake was intending to investigate Konestra, they offered the medical team what they thought was a carrier ship and replaced the pilot and a medic with security agents. The battle cruiser is armed with plasma missiles capable of destroying the Liberator (it seems the force wall can't deflect these weapons, so it's odd the Federation doesn't use them more often...) and the pilot seems almost wired into the control systems, wearing a helmet connected to cables into the flight computer and floating hologram images. (The technology of this cruiser is seemingly the most advanced the Federation has ever shown, so maybe it's a prototype that was too expensive to replace?).
Konestra is seemingly a planet treated the same as Zondor in Warlord - skyscrapers full of people with shaved heads and numbers stamped on their brows under the guard by troopers. The Federation use strange-looking cruisers and floating vehicles on the surface (they never mastered anti-grav technology to that degree in the series, but maybe Konestra has really low gravity).
The independent medical team all wear the red cross logo, and Hills wears wierd rayban sunglasses while working (presumably they help diagnose patients' status like X-ray specs).
Quotes:
Vila: Come on, Avon, lighten up. Blake can look after himself.
Avon: Of that I have no doubt. But as we know, Vila, he is not very good at looking after other people.
Hills: I don't know how to thank you...
Blake: Then don't try.
Avon: I don't like this. Blake's... recklessness... has got us into trouble before.
Cally: [smiles] The word you're searching for is "bravery".
Avon: Well now, the word I was thinking of was "stupidity".
Vila: Is there anything I can do, Avon?
Avon: Not that I've noticed.
Jenna: [after Cally has beat nine colours of crap out of a Federation agent] You went to a good school.
Cally: I didn't, actually.
Vila: Hello, Avon, thought you might be lonely. Need some company?
Avon: If you count as company, eternal isolation has a considerable appeal.
Orac: Ahem! IF you have finished these pathetic squabbles...?
Hills: You must leave, Blake. If you stay, we'll be killed. This way, at least you and your crew will survive. Go!
Blake: We can't abandon you - [he is abruptly teleported out]
Hills: You already have.
Blake: Hills was a pawn in the Federation's game. They made her death unavoidable.
Jenna: Death's a fairly unavoidable thing.
Avon: I don't know. Some people have a talent for avoiding it.
Blake: And Avon - thank you for bringing me back. You could have left me over there. You surprised me.
[Blake walks off.]
Avon: I surprised myself.
Comment:
While it's refreshing to encounter the Second Season crew for a change, the artwork is not the best - Geraghty's style is still in the 'old, lumpen charicatures' he used in DWM at the time, and is clearly not comfortable drawing these strange people and spaceships, with all the original characters and settings his usual grotty future Robocop-chic clashing with the B7 usual minimalist style. The bizarre layout of the panels and arty closeups is rather odd as well. In story terms, it's very similar to a Robert Holmes story, with Avon and Vila getting all the funny stuff while Blake and the girls deal with a depressingly cynical slaughter of innocents in a rather sparse B-plot. There's just not enough space to give anyone any real characterization beyond Avon's traditional blend of Blake's bodyguard and biggest critic. Had the new magazine taken off, with multiple-part stories, this could have been the start of something great. But, alas...
An awkward attempt to compress a full-length B7 episode into eight pages.
And to complete the analysis, some mini reviews of the text stories in each B7m. These were mostly written by Ken Armstrong (the same bloke who did most of the comic strips), and were illustrated with vaguely-appropriate stock photos. The quality of the stories was variable, especially since they were written by people who loved Blake's 7 but knew next to nothing about what would happen in Season 4. Probably the biggest divergence is the portrayal of the regulars, who have none of the comparatively easy friendship the Scorpio crew have in the majority of the episodes. They're all dangerously unlikable maveriks, able to turn on each other in an instant, and their insults aren't just deadpan snarks but intended to wound. Avon is just plain scary in these stories, having seemingly lost the inner battle with his idealist and left a one-note bastard (albeit a very witty and erudite one-note bastard, sort of like a homicidal Blackadder... if there's a difference).
(A moment of boredom turns into an exciting adventure! The Scorpio crew pit their wits against the might of the Federation in...)
Credit Transfer
A neat little tale combining the best elements of sci-fi, cop show and sitcom like all the best Blake's 7 episodes. While channel-surfing, Vila spots an infomercial for a bitching pleasure planet - and while Vila moans that the alpha grades get all the freaking luxury, Avon is more interested in Duxa hotel's Impossible-To-Steal-From Vault where all the guests leave their valuables. He wants to raid the vault and then pimp Scorpio with some more Dynamon crystals and the crew bluff their way to landing on the planet by Avon's amazing Belinda Neal impression and the belief there's now an interplanetary bank on Sarran. But what's this? Yes, they've double booked the hotel the exact same day Commissioner Sleer is on vacation! Gazooks! Servalan has Avon locked in the Impossible-To-Steal-From Vault, which proves a problem as this allows Avon to nick everything not nailed down and teleport to Scorpio - and then he refuses to give Vila any cash because he let the theif have a holiday! Oh, Avon, you magnificent bastard, how we love you!
Queen of the Bankalls
A couple of Androxan space pirates raid Xenon and kidnap Soolin, and when the others try to follow in Scorpio they are attacked by more space pirates who kidnap Avon and Tarrant for good measure. It turns out Dorian massively pissed off the Bankalls of Mintar, who have retaliated by kidnapping his girlfriend and stealing his ship. But since Dorian's dead, they decide to execute Avon and Tarrant - with a brainwashed Soolin being the one to kill them! However, Dayna and Vila easily save the day with good, old-fashioned pyromania and our heroes escape, nuking the space pirates as they go, then it's back to Xenon for cucumber sandwiches and lashings of ginger beer...
(The most valuable object in the galaxy! Could the master cracksman resist the temptation or would be make it...)
Vila's Big Score
No, not a three-way with Soolin and Dayna, as Vila discovers a random wiki article revealing that on the shithole planet of Harridan 4 is an ancient alien artefact which the most-guarded object in the universe: a freaking enormous diamond. Deciding to indulge in his professional kleptomania, Vila sneaks off, joins the cult that guards the diamond, stuns most of the cult, switches off the force field around the diamond, gets attacked by a living acidic fungus, then gets teleported to safety by Tarrant and Dayna. Avon gloats that the diamond is a fake! Another crook stole the real thing 200 years ago and left a dummy in its place and no one noticed! But Vila doesn't care cause he still got away with the most valuable thing in the universe, even if it is just a novelty paperweight, SO UP YOURS!
Loop of Death
Deja vu all over again as Scorpio gets shot by a plasma bolt, leading Avon and Tarrant to switch on the forcefield and repair the hull - but this time the life support systems are fried and our bitchy main characters are steadily suffocating! Oh wait, Avon fixes it. Orac suggests they get a half-decent laser weapon for Scorpio, and all they need is some freaky crystal... but the only crystal exists on a pre-Atomic-War science exploration probe on the other side of the galaxy which has been abandoned for ten years. Even Dayna's creeped out by this ghost ship orbiting a white dwarf, and it turns out that there have been people there very recently... who have then been eaten. The cannibals attack the gang but Avon, bluffing like mad, explains that if they let him take the crystal he can magically turn the cannibals back into the normal scientists they were some decades ago. The cannibals fall for it, and everyone runs away with Scorpio. Wiring in the crystal, Avon fires at the probe and misses - only to hit the white dwarf and turn it into a supernova that destroys the probe anyway! Well... yeah. I think I preferred it when they did the comic strip called Stranded.
(A mission shrouded in secrecy - with death close at hand!)
Blood On His Hands
So there are these two great empires that form a buffer zone between the Federation and the rest of the universe, and these two great empires have been in a cold war situation for ages, and when the prince of one side tries to assassinate the rulers of the other he gets condemned as a filthy pinko bastard by both sides. To keep up the diplomatic front, the two sides agree to have Avon as a courier to take the dirty filthy bastard back to his own side and then be executed for his crimes. In return, the buffer zone doesn't fall into war with Xenon right in the middle. Simple, no? But to keep his four groupies off his back, Avon pretends that the prisoner is actually a valued diplomat and NOT a dead man walking. Alas, the fact the 'diplomat' is bound, gagged and drugged soon gets Vila suspicious, and when the 'diplomat' claims he's really a peaceful bloke trying to end the cold war and Avon's only doing this execution run for the bounty money, they all instantly believe him! By the time Avon explains the truth, the traitorous bastard has already called in the Federation to attack. But to cut a long story short, Scorpio escapes at the last second and the liar's father has Avon himself stab the git to death live on TV as a public execution. Which he does. But he says "Sorry." Awww.
Wanderlust
As our dysfunctional heroes take off from Xenon for... I dunno, milk or something... Tarrant spots a small flier also taking off from Xenon as well, but Avon is (yet again) being a completely secretive bastard and insists they ignore it. It takes roughly thirty seconds for everyone to conclude that Avon has somehow betrayed them all to the Federation, while Avon reveals they are not actually after some milk but are following a rogue deserter fleet of ex-Fed battle cruisers who are mining Braxomite (a mineral that is the energy equivalent of Gene Hunt). Avon intends to follow them and nick some of the Braxomite, leg it home and never worry about electricity bills ever again, and passes the time by nuking a couple of the cruisers with the Matracon from Interception! Holy shit, story arc! Scorpio nicks the Braxomite and then fires a plasma bolt that causes the Braxomite mine to explode and destroy the whole planet, and Avon explains he got tipped off by Servalan - in return for ending the mining ring, they get to keep what they've stolen. Until they get attacked by pursuit ships and have to throw all the Braxomite out to escape, anyway...
(A simple message... a cunning plan... once again Servalan has set...)
The Trap
It's Hal Mellanby's birthday, and Dayna is understandably in a bitch of a mood. So, when Slave picks up a transmission revealing where Servalan's going to be today, she and Tarrant nick Scorpio and leave Avon, Vila and Soolin on the planet Muntal Minor looking like losers while trying to organize an alliance. One problem: as the title has implied, this ambush may not be entirely straightfoward and within minutes Scorpio has been shot down and crashed on the planet Julgac. Servalan travels there to personally nuke the wreckage but Avon and pals have hitched a lift and drive the Bitch in White away, saving Tarrant and Dayna's lives... at least until Avon gets his hands on them.
The Red Moon
After yet another failed alliance, Scorpio is headed back to Xenon when Slave starts acting creepy in a Hal 9000 kind of way and then shuts down. And then so does Orac, leaving Scorpio stranded in the middle of nowhere when a crimson satellite appears and a booming godlike voice explains our heroes are in deep, deep crapola. Avon and Vila are teleported across to the moon, where the godlike voice explains the Federation equivalent of Torchwood has found some of its sufficiently advanced technology which must be recovered before they discover how it works, and the Scorpio crew are recruited to rescue this technology... which looks like a cardboard box painted black. Avon and co aren't too impressed, so the godlike alien continues to take over Slave and Orac, forcing them to travel to Asico Prime. Being a clever bastard, Avon rewires Slave and Orac so they think they're raiding Asico Prime while everyone piles into a shuttle and dock with the red moon ship - it turns out the satellite is a giant spaceship run entirely by computers when the original crew died of old age trying to find the black box. Avon programs the red moon to fly straight into Asico Prime and blow it to pieces, technically saving the whole universe. But more importantly, Avon got to play pool with planets, yo!
Mind Over Matter
Orac's stupidly-unique batteries have gone flat, leaving him stupider than Father Dougal and our heroes are completely stuffed. Avon decides to try and mine some replacement mineral to make new batteries, a mineral that turns out to be so freaking common they even have bits in their own teleport bracelets. In fact, their teleport bracelets LEAD the gang to the jungle planet (how freaking convenient), but alas, without Orac to check ahead, it turns out Servalan's already set up a mine on the monster-infested jungle planet (how freaking inconvenient). Servalan then rather stupidly waves a phial of the refined mineral they need right under the nose of a professional thief who - get this - steals it. And then blows up the mine. And then escape through the monster infested jungle, repair Orac, and run like hell. The only real surprise is the hint they just blew up Servalan and forgot to mention it...
Diamond Death
Aboard Scorpio, the gang are distracted from playing a game of scrabble when they spot a carrier ship that left an independent planet just before Servalan blew said planet to smithereens because the inhabitants were so damn clever they cracked Federation codes with the ease of Numberwang. Avon does some checking and then allows Tarrant and Dayna to teleport across to the ship and rescue the crew and last survivors of their planet (since someone that clever would be damn useful), but warns them that there's a plague on the ship left by Servalan. They find only one survivor, a girl called Quandi, whose miraculous escape makes Soolin damn suspicious this could be another convoluted trap (involving amongst other things, Vila's raging libido). However, since Tarrant and Dayna have managed to contract the plague, they're all completely stuffed anyway! With Orac explaining they're suffering from the 48-hour terminal Diamond Death virus, Quandi reveals she IS a traitor and offers to get the crew the cure in exchange for her miserable life. It turns out the cure bit is the trap, so the moment they're all innoculated, Avon leaves Quandi for Servalan to use as target practise. Everyone bitches at him, so he tells them to shove it up their arses.
(A moment of boredom turns into an exciting adventure! The Scorpio crew pit their wits against the might of the Federation in...)
Credit Transfer
A neat little tale combining the best elements of sci-fi, cop show and sitcom like all the best Blake's 7 episodes. While channel-surfing, Vila spots an infomercial for a bitching pleasure planet - and while Vila moans that the alpha grades get all the freaking luxury, Avon is more interested in Duxa hotel's Impossible-To-Steal-From Vault where all the guests leave their valuables. He wants to raid the vault and then pimp Scorpio with some more Dynamon crystals and the crew bluff their way to landing on the planet by Avon's amazing Belinda Neal impression and the belief there's now an interplanetary bank on Sarran. But what's this? Yes, they've double booked the hotel the exact same day Commissioner Sleer is on vacation! Gazooks! Servalan has Avon locked in the Impossible-To-Steal-From Vault, which proves a problem as this allows Avon to nick everything not nailed down and teleport to Scorpio - and then he refuses to give Vila any cash because he let the theif have a holiday! Oh, Avon, you magnificent bastard, how we love you!
Queen of the Bankalls
A couple of Androxan space pirates raid Xenon and kidnap Soolin, and when the others try to follow in Scorpio they are attacked by more space pirates who kidnap Avon and Tarrant for good measure. It turns out Dorian massively pissed off the Bankalls of Mintar, who have retaliated by kidnapping his girlfriend and stealing his ship. But since Dorian's dead, they decide to execute Avon and Tarrant - with a brainwashed Soolin being the one to kill them! However, Dayna and Vila easily save the day with good, old-fashioned pyromania and our heroes escape, nuking the space pirates as they go, then it's back to Xenon for cucumber sandwiches and lashings of ginger beer...
(The most valuable object in the galaxy! Could the master cracksman resist the temptation or would be make it...)
Vila's Big Score
No, not a three-way with Soolin and Dayna, as Vila discovers a random wiki article revealing that on the shithole planet of Harridan 4 is an ancient alien artefact which the most-guarded object in the universe: a freaking enormous diamond. Deciding to indulge in his professional kleptomania, Vila sneaks off, joins the cult that guards the diamond, stuns most of the cult, switches off the force field around the diamond, gets attacked by a living acidic fungus, then gets teleported to safety by Tarrant and Dayna. Avon gloats that the diamond is a fake! Another crook stole the real thing 200 years ago and left a dummy in its place and no one noticed! But Vila doesn't care cause he still got away with the most valuable thing in the universe, even if it is just a novelty paperweight, SO UP YOURS!
Loop of Death
Deja vu all over again as Scorpio gets shot by a plasma bolt, leading Avon and Tarrant to switch on the forcefield and repair the hull - but this time the life support systems are fried and our bitchy main characters are steadily suffocating! Oh wait, Avon fixes it. Orac suggests they get a half-decent laser weapon for Scorpio, and all they need is some freaky crystal... but the only crystal exists on a pre-Atomic-War science exploration probe on the other side of the galaxy which has been abandoned for ten years. Even Dayna's creeped out by this ghost ship orbiting a white dwarf, and it turns out that there have been people there very recently... who have then been eaten. The cannibals attack the gang but Avon, bluffing like mad, explains that if they let him take the crystal he can magically turn the cannibals back into the normal scientists they were some decades ago. The cannibals fall for it, and everyone runs away with Scorpio. Wiring in the crystal, Avon fires at the probe and misses - only to hit the white dwarf and turn it into a supernova that destroys the probe anyway! Well... yeah. I think I preferred it when they did the comic strip called Stranded.
(A mission shrouded in secrecy - with death close at hand!)
Blood On His Hands
So there are these two great empires that form a buffer zone between the Federation and the rest of the universe, and these two great empires have been in a cold war situation for ages, and when the prince of one side tries to assassinate the rulers of the other he gets condemned as a filthy pinko bastard by both sides. To keep up the diplomatic front, the two sides agree to have Avon as a courier to take the dirty filthy bastard back to his own side and then be executed for his crimes. In return, the buffer zone doesn't fall into war with Xenon right in the middle. Simple, no? But to keep his four groupies off his back, Avon pretends that the prisoner is actually a valued diplomat and NOT a dead man walking. Alas, the fact the 'diplomat' is bound, gagged and drugged soon gets Vila suspicious, and when the 'diplomat' claims he's really a peaceful bloke trying to end the cold war and Avon's only doing this execution run for the bounty money, they all instantly believe him! By the time Avon explains the truth, the traitorous bastard has already called in the Federation to attack. But to cut a long story short, Scorpio escapes at the last second and the liar's father has Avon himself stab the git to death live on TV as a public execution. Which he does. But he says "Sorry." Awww.
Wanderlust
As our dysfunctional heroes take off from Xenon for... I dunno, milk or something... Tarrant spots a small flier also taking off from Xenon as well, but Avon is (yet again) being a completely secretive bastard and insists they ignore it. It takes roughly thirty seconds for everyone to conclude that Avon has somehow betrayed them all to the Federation, while Avon reveals they are not actually after some milk but are following a rogue deserter fleet of ex-Fed battle cruisers who are mining Braxomite (a mineral that is the energy equivalent of Gene Hunt). Avon intends to follow them and nick some of the Braxomite, leg it home and never worry about electricity bills ever again, and passes the time by nuking a couple of the cruisers with the Matracon from Interception! Holy shit, story arc! Scorpio nicks the Braxomite and then fires a plasma bolt that causes the Braxomite mine to explode and destroy the whole planet, and Avon explains he got tipped off by Servalan - in return for ending the mining ring, they get to keep what they've stolen. Until they get attacked by pursuit ships and have to throw all the Braxomite out to escape, anyway...
(A simple message... a cunning plan... once again Servalan has set...)
The Trap
It's Hal Mellanby's birthday, and Dayna is understandably in a bitch of a mood. So, when Slave picks up a transmission revealing where Servalan's going to be today, she and Tarrant nick Scorpio and leave Avon, Vila and Soolin on the planet Muntal Minor looking like losers while trying to organize an alliance. One problem: as the title has implied, this ambush may not be entirely straightfoward and within minutes Scorpio has been shot down and crashed on the planet Julgac. Servalan travels there to personally nuke the wreckage but Avon and pals have hitched a lift and drive the Bitch in White away, saving Tarrant and Dayna's lives... at least until Avon gets his hands on them.
The Red Moon
After yet another failed alliance, Scorpio is headed back to Xenon when Slave starts acting creepy in a Hal 9000 kind of way and then shuts down. And then so does Orac, leaving Scorpio stranded in the middle of nowhere when a crimson satellite appears and a booming godlike voice explains our heroes are in deep, deep crapola. Avon and Vila are teleported across to the moon, where the godlike voice explains the Federation equivalent of Torchwood has found some of its sufficiently advanced technology which must be recovered before they discover how it works, and the Scorpio crew are recruited to rescue this technology... which looks like a cardboard box painted black. Avon and co aren't too impressed, so the godlike alien continues to take over Slave and Orac, forcing them to travel to Asico Prime. Being a clever bastard, Avon rewires Slave and Orac so they think they're raiding Asico Prime while everyone piles into a shuttle and dock with the red moon ship - it turns out the satellite is a giant spaceship run entirely by computers when the original crew died of old age trying to find the black box. Avon programs the red moon to fly straight into Asico Prime and blow it to pieces, technically saving the whole universe. But more importantly, Avon got to play pool with planets, yo!
Mind Over Matter
Orac's stupidly-unique batteries have gone flat, leaving him stupider than Father Dougal and our heroes are completely stuffed. Avon decides to try and mine some replacement mineral to make new batteries, a mineral that turns out to be so freaking common they even have bits in their own teleport bracelets. In fact, their teleport bracelets LEAD the gang to the jungle planet (how freaking convenient), but alas, without Orac to check ahead, it turns out Servalan's already set up a mine on the monster-infested jungle planet (how freaking inconvenient). Servalan then rather stupidly waves a phial of the refined mineral they need right under the nose of a professional thief who - get this - steals it. And then blows up the mine. And then escape through the monster infested jungle, repair Orac, and run like hell. The only real surprise is the hint they just blew up Servalan and forgot to mention it...
Diamond Death
Aboard Scorpio, the gang are distracted from playing a game of scrabble when they spot a carrier ship that left an independent planet just before Servalan blew said planet to smithereens because the inhabitants were so damn clever they cracked Federation codes with the ease of Numberwang. Avon does some checking and then allows Tarrant and Dayna to teleport across to the ship and rescue the crew and last survivors of their planet (since someone that clever would be damn useful), but warns them that there's a plague on the ship left by Servalan. They find only one survivor, a girl called Quandi, whose miraculous escape makes Soolin damn suspicious this could be another convoluted trap (involving amongst other things, Vila's raging libido). However, since Tarrant and Dayna have managed to contract the plague, they're all completely stuffed anyway! With Orac explaining they're suffering from the 48-hour terminal Diamond Death virus, Quandi reveals she IS a traitor and offers to get the crew the cure in exchange for her miserable life. It turns out the cure bit is the trap, so the moment they're all innoculated, Avon leaves Quandi for Servalan to use as target practise. Everyone bitches at him, so he tells them to shove it up their arses.
Next: The Golden Book through to A New Beginning
2 comments:
Everytime I look at that panel and its depiction of Avon my thoughts go to Leonard Nimoy first.
Quick thoughts:
* Credit Transfer puzzles me by having Servalan somehow go braindead and forget they have a teleport.
* Queen of the Bankalls is a terrible title, but the idea of Dayna helping to save the day for a change is nice. (I think she's by far the worst served of the characters in a show, after one of the best intro stories as well!)
* Harridan 4 is a name I have trouble taking seriously because I'm sure 'harridan' is an old-skool term for prostitute. Also, to a careless eye the story sounds a little like the bastard prodigy of City at the End of the World and Games.
* How may bloody go-in-spaceships-and-fix-the-ship stories did they do? Interesting because I only remember it happening once in the show (Stardrive?) The rest of the plot seems very strange, firstly the idea of them specifically needing a one-of-a-kind crystal to fix the ship, secondly said crystal being in a pre-war probe, thirdly, Orac even knowing this oddly convenient trivia, and finally being able to reason with mad cannibals using a not-very-convincing story.
* Similarly, how many cold war style empires can there be playing into the Federation's hands? The synopsis of Blood on His Hands reminded me a lot of, erm, Deathwatch was it? Also, why is Xenon's area of space so much more crowded in the expanded universe? In series I got the distinct vibe it was the second-most isolated planet after Terminal and was only practical to get to because of Scorpio's capabilities.
a mineral that is the energy equivalent of Gene Hunt
Lmao. The story seems a little bit like Gold but oddly without the Servi-double-cross.
The rest of the stories seem somewhat forgettable and weird.
Everytime I look at that panel and its depiction of Avon my thoughts go to Leonard Nimoy first.
Yeah, in terms of likenesses, Blockade really is the worst of the comic strips.
Credit Transfer puzzles me by having Servalan somehow go braindead and forget they have a teleport.
Yeah, I might have done that a misservice. Turns out the teleport doesn't work when the vault is closed, but Servie DOES show awesome stupidity in not taking off the bracelet anyway.
Queen of the Bankalls is a terrible title, but the idea of Dayna helping to save the day for a change is nice. (I think she's by far the worst served of the characters in a show, after one of the best intro stories as well!)
I know. The tragedy is, Animals aside, she's very well characterized in all her episodes. She just doesn't DO anything...
Harridan 4 is a name I have trouble taking seriously because I'm sure 'harridan' is an old-skool term for prostitute.
Quite possibly, and it's common meaning is "annoying bitch". I think they may have screwed up on their research there.
Also, to a careless eye the story sounds a little like the bastard prodigy of City at the End of the World and Games.
A lot of these stories bear uncanny similarities to TV shows, not helped by the fact they are illustrated by photos from the episodes, which makes it more obvious (like the Orbit similarities in The Red Moon).
How may bloody go-in-spaceships-and-fix-the-ship stories did they do?
Altogether? Um...
Comic Strips: 13
Text Stories: 9
Interesting because I only remember it happening once in the show (Stardrive?)
Which seemed to have been a big inspiration in terms of ideas if not quality (thank christ).
The rest of the plot seems very strange, firstly the idea of them specifically needing a one-of-a-kind crystal to fix the ship, secondly said crystal being in a pre-war probe, thirdly, Orac even knowing this oddly convenient trivia, and finally being able to reason with mad cannibals using a not-very-convincing story.
Yeah, I assumed the mad cannibals would be the original crew kept alive by a time loop or something (hence the title), but apparently they're just Federation scientists who just stuck on the probe years ago. Or something.
Similarly, how many cold war style empires can there be playing into the Federation's hands?
Quite a few apparently. But space is big, really big, you think it's a long way down to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space...
The synopsis of Blood on His Hands reminded me a lot of, erm, Deathwatch was it?
Well, that does feature the sacrifice of one for the good of two space empires, so yeah. Probably.
Also, why is Xenon's area of space so much more crowded in the expanded universe?
The writers were either bored shitless or Xenon being on the edge of the galaxy was only decided at a very late stage once the stories had been written.
In series I got the distinct vibe it was the second-most isolated planet after Terminal and was only practical to get to because of Scorpio's capabilities.
Yep. Even Vila at his most paranoid thought it would be several years before the Federation could expand to meet them.
Lmao. The story seems a little bit like Gold but oddly without the Servi-double-cross.
Yeah. Mind you, what tool thought it would a clever idea to have Avon invite her to Xenon for a chat when everyone else was having dinner?
The rest of the stories seem somewhat forgettable and weird.
I know. Mind Over Matter is retarded, Diamond Death seems to be a synopsis of a novel and The Trap is just an excuse to use photos of Tarrant in Scorpio's wreckage...
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