Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Colonel X Program Guide!

Thought lost for millennia, this Steven-Moffat-approved Gran Goggans fan series can finally be found again... if you go to the Way Back Machine (subtle B7 reference there) and type in relevent stuff. Reprinted here entirely at my whim. Bwahaha.

The First Professor X - Geoffrey Sumner (no idea... think he was in The Army Game or something)

Season 1

The Cavemen
Dead Planet of the Mechanoids
Inside the Time Machine
A Journey to Cathay
The Eyes of the Keeper
Resurrection of the Sun God
Whatever Happened to the Lost Colonists?
The French Revolution

Season 2

Eight Miles High
The Mechanoid Invasion of Earth: 2150 AD
Crash Landing
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Planet of Insects
Richard and Joanna
A Trip to the Museum
The Perils of Professor X
The Priest of Hastings

Season 3

Universe N
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Troy
The Mechanoid Master Plan
Who Knows the Huegenots?
Elephants and Cyclopses
Nursery Room Nightmares
Gunfight at the OK Corral
Machines of Loving Grace

Season 4

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Treasure Island
The Cyborgs

The Second Professor X - Rudy Vallee (he was in those 1960s Batman eps set in "Londinium")

Season 4

The Power of the Mechanoids
The Irish Famine
Mad Scientists and Atlanteans
Cyborgs on the Moon
The Claws of the Acram
Identity Crisis
The Evil of the Mechanoids

Season 5

Dawn of the Cyborgs
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Tibet
The Vikings from Mars
The Defenders of Liberty
North Sea Oil
Web of Intrique
Cyborgs in Space

Season 6

A Show of Force
Fairyland Palace
Invasion of the Cyborgs
The Dragonships
Sky Pirates!
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the War

Colonel X - Michael Jayston (as shown in Press Gang!)

Season 7

The Replica Invasion
Colonel X and the Pre-Cambrians
The Business of Murder

Season 8

Terror of the Controller
The Meek and the Wild
The Vampire from Space
Colonel X and the Doomsday Weapon

Season 9

Day of the Mechanoids
The Federation
Colonel X and the Sea Monsters
The Might of the Terran Empire
The Fall of Atlantis

Season 10

The Colonel and Two Professors
Sideshow of Aliens
Colonel X and the Space War
Quarry of the Mechanoids
Fear of the Machine

Season 11

The Hawkman and the Scientists
Colonel X and the Dinosaur Invasion
Death to the Mechanoids
The Revenge of the Vikings

The Fourth Professor X - Bernard Bresslaw (...he was in Carry On... and The Goodies... and The Ice Warriors)

Season 12

Colony in Space
Human Resistance
Genesis of the Mechanoids
Revenge of the Cyborgs

Season 13

Let Bygones Be Bygones
It Just Doesn't Matter
The Last of the Osirans
The Robot Invasion
The Mind of Orpheus
The Plants of Peril

Season 14

Made in Portmeiron
Nuclear Power
The Chumranian Candidate
The Day Professor X Went Mad
The Androids of Death
All the World's a Stage

Season 15

The Wee Beastie in the Lighthouse
The Photograph of Evil
The World Shapers
Under the Sea
The Killer Cats of Chumran

Season 16 - "Time's Crucible"

The Brinks Job
Cap'n Blood and His Little Bird Friend
Silicon Valley
The Robots of Twelve Oaks

Season 17

Dynasty of the Mechanoids
We'll Always Have Paris
The Censors of Chloris
Paradise Lost
The Head of Umased
Whatever Happened to the Class of '79?

Season 18

The Pleasure Palace
The Power of Cactus Man
Round and Round
The Resting Place
The Void
Midnight in Paradise Garden
City of Logic

The Fifth Professor X - Tim Piggot-Smith (Marco from Masque of Mandragora)

Season 19

City of Recursion
The Clock Strikes Twelve
Walkabout at the Time of Dreaming
The Black Death
Time Bomb
Flight Through Infinity

Season 20

The House on Haunted Hill
The Mutation of the Mechanoids
Midday at Paradise Garden
Genesis of the Cyborgs
The Offside Ruling
Four Seasons in One Day
Inspiration of the Mechanoids
Return to the Planet of Insects
The Man Who Didn't Believe In Ghosts
Second Chances
Confidence and Paranoia
Kappa Alpha
Never For Ever
Song of the Space Whale
Magna Carta
Four Professors and a Colonel

Season 21

Sea Base 2084
The War Game
City of Gravity
The Quest of Excellence
Resurrection of the Mechanoids
A German Werewolf in Rio
Event Horizon
Volcano World
Life on Mars
A Funny Thing Happened When Civilization Died
The Riddle of the Sphinx
Professor X and the Muskateers
Wherever You Hang Your Hat
The Witches from Beyond
The Crossroads of Madness
At the Mountains of Madness
An Ecumenical Matter
Professor X Discovers...
The Paper Tiger
Summer in the City
Latest Craze
Rule of Dracula
The Dynastic Threat
Not Forgotten
The Politics of Power

The Sixth Professor X - Julian Clary (...right...)

Season 21

A Funny Thing Happened When the Professor Rejuvenated

Season 22

Attack of the Cyborgs
Sechhs and Violence
Laughter is the Best Medicine
The Two Professors
Sailors and Mermaids
Revelation of the Mechanoids

Season 23

Video Nasty
Trading Partners
Sechhs and Vikings
Plastic and Vinyl
The Ballad of Joe December
City of Time
Sound Judgment
The Definition of Insanity
Dead Men Walking

Season 24

The Trial of a Watcher
The Cafe des Poetes
The Museum of Excellence
...Doomed to Repeat It
The Ratings Ploy
Total Responsibility
User Information
Wrong Numbers
An Audience with the Queen
For Fear of Little Green Men
The Apocalypse of the Mechanoids
Decent Through Modification
The Legend of the Bird-Men
Jubilee of the Mechanoids
Professor X and the Pirates of Penzance
Silent Running
Keeping the Peace
The Bodysnatchers
The Zombie on the Beach
Mercury & Silver
The Last Day
Death at The Ford Theatre
Transition Point
The Daleks
Predestination Paradox
Genie in the Bottle
A Funny Thing Happened to the Hairdresser
The False Professor

The Seventh Professor X - Tom Bell (Dr Spoon)

Season 25

Three Days for the Empress
Eden Development
Which Way Out?
Flight of the Chimeron
The Fires of Pompeii
Red for Danger
Treasure of the Ice Planet

Season 26

Memories of the Mechanoids
It Happened One Night
Golden Retribution
Curtain Call

Season 28

Storm Over Avalon
A Game of Chess
One Nation, One Notion
Archive of the Mechanoids
Art for Art's Sake
Escape from the Nazis

Season 29

The Harvest of the Cyborgs
Media Manipulation
Oliver Cromwell
Nocturnal Emissions
The Marriage of Dichotomy

Season 30

Whatever Happened to Titan Hall?
Return to the Dead Planet of the Mechanoids
The Eternity of Excellence
Total Spectrum
Vikings on Ice
The Soul Stealers
Spider Noone
The Cyborg Kingdom
Thanks for the Memories

The Eighth Professor X - Jonathan Pryce (you know who he is)

Season 31

The Invisible Enemy
A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Hindenburg
War of the Cyborgs
Death in Venice
The 51st State

Season 32

Mass Hysteria
For Whom The Bell Tolls
Celebrity Status
License to Meddle
Return of the Ancients
The Age of the Mechanoids

Season 33

Seven Professors And A Colonel
Secchs and Virulence
Trust Noone, Believe Nothing
The War on Terror

Season 34

Cargo Cults

Season 35

The Beginning of the End
The Garden of Eden
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Great Exhibition
24-Hour Service
Dreams of Home
Crisis Point
Whatever Happened to the Bermuda Triangle?

Season 36

Brand of the Mechanoids
Guests at Olympus
The Wee Pop Group in the Lighthouse
Dark Side of the Moon
The Time Traveller's Wife
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Office

Season 37

The English Experience
Whatever Happened to Top Gear?
Replica Republic
The Femur of Fear
Mission: Implausible
The Vengeance of Morpheus

The Ninth Professor X - Billy Nighy

Season 44

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To The End of the World
Gas Light
First Contact
The Last Mechanoid

Whatever Happened to Daisy's Dad?
Captain Jax and World War II
A Trip to Cardiff
War in Heaven

The Tenth Professor X - Kris Marshall

Season 44

After The Smoke of Battle Has Cleared
Song for Ten
Changeling World

Season 45

Brave New World
Televised Coronations
The Evil that Men Do
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Olympics
Goodbye, Professor X
The Lonely Angel and the Loose Connection
Rebirth of the Cyborgs
Bride & Gloom

Obsession's Last Chance
War on Earth
Queen Victoria and the Werewolf

Season 46

Baptism of Fire
Whatever Happened To the Lost Play?
The Traffic of the Acram
The Mechanoids Take Manhattan
The Ultimate Prize
John Smith and the Common Men
Out of the Corner of Your Eye
The Last Question
Guitar Solo
Who Watches the Watchers?
Starship Titanic

Season 47

The Fires of Vulcan
Liberating Livestock
The Hawkmen Poison the Sky!
Whatever Happened to The Professor's Niece?
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Murder Mystery
The Book of the World
Road Trip
The Land Beyond Beyond
The Final Battle
Changeling Concert
The Next Professor


Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

You forgot to mention that Tim Piggot-Smith was in both The Claws of Axos and in V for Vendetta.

Youth of Australia said...

So I did... but I think I prefer the idea of a camp Italian houseboy taking over the SARDIT...