Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Youth of Australia Program Guide

Simply to refresh where I was up to and what to do... * means unfinished/unready/unstarted.

101. Here's To The Future
At the end of High School, Dave Restal confronts his terror over the future, his unrequited love, and what utter psychos he puts up with in the classroom.

102. The Definition of Insanity (AKA The Good, The Bad, The Ugly & The Dumb)
Dave teams up with Nigel and Andrew of all people to find a new house and become a swinging bachelor.

103. Too Clever By Far
The gang are caught in a desperate war of nerves with the neighbor from hell.

104. Hell With Flourescent Lighting *
The gang meet a millionairess called Eve who allows them to share her flat.

105. Insecurities
Dave asks Nigel for advice on dating, leading to the gang becoming totally different people.

106. Not A Day Of Rest
Nigel sets out to seduce the Head of the Board of Education to raise his HSC mark.

201. The Yuletide Apocalypse *
The gang's first Christmas together is ruined when Eve's parents match her up with Ben Chatham.

202. A Holiday Is As Good As A Change
The gang celebrate New Year's Eve in Manly.

203. It's Always Fun Until They Catch You *
Eve discovers something new about herself and Nigel visits a nude beach.

204. The Foghorn Formally Known As Nigel *
A road trip back from Manly leaves Andrew, Nigel and Dave in a deserted lighthouse on Kangaroo Island.

205. The Storm Before The Calm
When Nigel manages to defraud Centrelink out of thirty grand, he is discovered by Ben Chatham and his new stalker Katie Ryan.

206. The Centre Cannot Hold
Dave's life spirals out of control as Andrew disappears, Nigel gets a job and Eve heads home to her parents.

301. Not A Day Of Rest: This Time It's Personal *
Dave and Nigel indulge in DIY while Andrew and Katie go fishing.

302. Slip-Back *
The gang try to work out what happened to them after a big night out.

303. Heatstroke *
A sudden heatwave causes everyone to start to hallucinate.

304. Unclear Motives
Dave's driving lesson leaves the gang trapped in the Cosi Van Tutte

305. Brain Power *
In the final battle against Ben Chatham, Nigel achieves Enlightenment, Eve leads the Revolution, Andrew is declared insane and Dave finds an old friend.

306. Jacob's Ladder *
A simple trip to the supermarket turns into a robbery gone wrong.

401. The Way Forward *
The gang must say goodbye to Eve.

402. Fools & Family *
Nigel's surreal birthday leads to him appearing on a quizz show called Mindbender.

403. Dreams of Reality
Nigel teams up with Dr Spoon and Chamber to visit a German health spa which masks a hidden menace.

404. Isolated Incidents *
Andrew and Dave accidentally leave Nigel to face the urban legends down at the river.

405. Live By The Rod, Die By The Grunt
After Muck-Up Day riots leave Nigel in hospital, Andrew convinces him he's been in a coma.

406. In Whom We Trust
Nigel and Dave begin to suspect that Andrew is trying to kill them.


Status Anxiety
After an argument about washing up, the gang declare all those with blond hair will be made slaves. Will Eve and Nigel stay meek slaves, or will Andrew restore equality?

Faith No More
Nigel sets up his own religion, the Cult of St Macka The Usurper.

On The Road
The gang head to Canberra to visit one of Dave's relatives... assuming they ever get there.

Sentiment And Other Weaknesses
A brief obsession with plants leads Dave to visit the Botanical Gardens as Dr Spoon unveils his new project: half-cheese plant, half-blood-sucking octopus!

Does A Beeblebrox Care?
Andrew builds Sukatri Odalon, a paranoid android, to have someone intelligent to talk to.

The Rejoining of the Ways
The guys go to their high school reunion and discover what happened to all the interesting people.

Behind You!
A carnivorous space monster attacks the gang. And wins.

Andrew's Legacy
Dave and Nigel try to cope when Andrew leaves them.

500 Miles To Christmas
Nigel ends up playing Santa Claus at a shopping centre, and actually falls in love with the girl working in the ABC shop nearby.

The End Days
The gang investigate signs and portents of the oncoming Armageddon.

Lost Causes Depress Me
The gang find a gangster with a hidden agenda. Or do they?

The Art of Crime
Nigel finds a way to pay off his debt to Centrelink... if he can survive the trip to the National Gallery.

The Other Side
An accident leaves the gang in the afterlife. Can they return to the mortal coil? Why bother?

Identity Crisis
With Eve unavailable, Dave has to dress up as her in order to scam some free food from an official function... but then he goes nuts and decides he wants to stay that way!

Complete Moral Outrage
Dave brings the fight between Andrew and Nigel to an end with artificial nightmares!

Nigel attempts to get his novel published, but there is more than meets the eye to his plotting.

Alpha Female
Andrew invites Katy to stay at the appartment, and Nigel decides that if there isn't going to be a massive girl fight between her and Eve, he'll have to start one on his own.

Some wild mushrooms lead to everyone's personalities reversing.

Delayed Reaction
Dave gets a cursed totem that begins to destroy everything that annoys him.

A Day At The Races
The gang explore some suspicious goings on at the gymkhana.

Night Thoughts
Reality starts to go wierd late one night, as the gang discovers a sentient pink cloud.

Party Time! Excellent!
The gang hold a housewarming party. Which gets REALLY out of hand.

No One Is Safe
A trip to Katie's Uni reveals a serial killer stalks the area.

Underqualified Success
The gang are put in charge of a beatnik art gallery.

The Easy Way Out
Nigel embraces religion after a date goes really really wrong.

The gang confront their feelings when they get stuck on the top of a tour bus when it starts to rain.

Why Can't It Just Be Over?
Dave's birthday goes as expected.

The Cost of Living
The gang remember they have to do their taxes.

Zeitgiest of Indecision
Nigel remembers the last high school disco he was at.

Actually, I Asked For Decaff
The gang go to vote.


1. PUB

Nigel is crooning romantically to Eve, who stares at him adoringly.

NIGEL: [SMOOTHLY] I’ve no excuse, Eve. I just want you to use me, take me and abuse me. Look at me, in the rain, calling out your name again... I know what I want, and I want it now, I want you, then I want a little more. Lift your hands and voices, free your mind and join us, you can feel it in the air. Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about everything and nothing all at once? [BELCHES] Now, every day’s a holiday and all I do is dance.

EVE: Your point being?


EVE: I’ll drink to that!

ANDREW: [FIRMLY] No, don’t drink THAT!

He grabs the bottle away from Eve before she can remove the lid.

EVE: Why not??

ANDREW: Eve, it’s bleach!

EVE: Sorry, Drew. Thought it said "Brandy". Or was it cider?

ANDREW: [COUGHS] The thing about cider is that you have to remember to breathe every now and then. I know it gets in the way but its important to remember.

They clink glasses together.

BOTH: Cheers!

EVE: Y’know, Andrew, I think that this is the last bottle of vodka. [LONG PAUSE] Oh, well, it was nice knowing it. [OPENS BOTTLE AND POURS A GLASS] She made the ultimate sacrifice so that I might drink.

ANDREW: There’s no more booze?

He peers at the bottles, but they swim in and out of focus.

ANDREW: Uh... [POINTS] Zero... what comes after zero? I forget. But... [SHAKES HEAD] This is bad.

On the table, Nigel opens one eye and closes it again.

NIGEL: [DRYLY] This room is still spinning. Take it away and get me a new one. NOW!

Dave tries to get up, but can’t. He looks mildly hysterical.

DAVE: My legs don’t work! I CAN’T GET MY LEGS TO WORK!!

EVE: Those’re your arms. Your legs are the walking things.

NIGEL: Um... am I the only one around here in the LEAST bit disconcerted about the room spinning so fast?

Andrew chuckles loudly and falls, face-down, onto the table.

EVE: [HAPPILY] Hey, we’re just in time for a sing-song! Andrew’s passed out but that’s OK – cause you’re my best friend ever!

Eve hugs Nigel. Dave laughs so hard he collapses.

DAVE: [SADLY] My leg’s STILL don’t work.

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