Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Silent Majority strike again!

Yes, once again, Spara's intuition and insight into what makes Doctor Who comes good once again is shown to be the puffeldust that it is. The latest photo of Season Four has been revealed, as iconic as the Doctor dancing with a Slitheen outside the TARDIS, Mickey Smith with a Zaphod-style Cyber head, and Dalek Sec.

If there is a single image which screams "No Fucking Way Are We Doing The Green Death Ten Times With Ben Chatham, The Meddling Monk, BOSS and Some Cybermen" I think it's this one...


Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I will now say something that, no doubt, 10000 people will have already said.

That Sontaran is rubbish. Unbelievably rubbish.

Okay, the design has certainly had money spent on it, but for fuck's sake everybody knows what a Sontaran is meant to look like and that isn't it.

For a start the ears don't stick out the sides. You don't get more basic than that, the head is one big block of meat - this means the ears are like pressed meat and the nose is like a beefy piece of potato glued on between the eyes.

The gloved hands - though it's hard to make it out from this angle - look like they may even have five fingers. Assuming that they're the correct three, they're still look terribly dainty - everything about the Sontaran is as basic as it gets to represent a form that's simple to make above all else. They're meant to be play-doh mean!

And the costume... fuck, do I even need to say it? Gayer than a ten-way between the Village People and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Is this Space: 1999 all of a sudden? Rippling faux-muscles on the design? Gleaming, shimmering pieces of marble-blue armour? Two-toned padding in light grey? Loose collar leaning at a comical angle? ARRRGH!

It's like this you ignorant sluts at the BBC - black, and silver. You use any other colours and you're an ignorant pus-stain and I WILL fucking kill you. You add any embellishments, at all, then put a nailgun to your hand. That should give you enough of a shock to make it clear that you are missing the point so fucking much I find it incredible you know how to cross the road.

Sontaran is nothing but a) functionality and b) Intimidation, in that order. I've seen scarier things in Santa's fucking Grotto. Actually, Santa's Grotto generally has at least one pedophile in it come to think of it but the point still stands.

I can see what's happened, of course - they created the perfect Sontaran outfit and then put some rhinos in it for a laugh to trick the fans. Fair enough. But to bring the Sontarans back in Mardi Gras Green Goblin outfits? I may just have to go on a killing spree, here.

*Sigh* Why the fuck did it have to be MY favourite aliens brought back as a cheap joke? I mean, god knows there are enough that WERE a cheap joke - Nimons, Ergon, Vardans, THE MACRA (who they DID bring back, bastards!). Oh, no, let's make the Sontarans a joke.

People will die.

Youth of Australia said...

...well, quite.

I think my opinions are biased, though. This 10,000% better than the truly awful Shakedown versions, so the fact it didn't plumb those depths made this very much of "could be worse" rather than "ooh, nice".

Thanks for clarifying the problems with the head. I knew at a glance there was something wrong, but couldn't work out what (though the armor seems a hell of a lot bigger than the Sontaran wearing it).

All I can say to comfort you is - it will look different on TV. These things always do. The TARDIS, Cybermen, the Emperor Dalek, Sec, the Toclafane... all were completely different to the way they conjoured themselves up in publicity photo.

I remember the first shot of the Slitheen - pink as nappy rash, and looking more like a deformed baby than something supposed to be an alien.

Actually, that was an improvement.

I'll just hope that the bog-standard Sontaran footsoldiers are to the usual standard, and that Mike The Sontaran is a one off.

Sorry for upsetting you, man.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

All I can say to comfort you is - it will look different on TV. These things always do. The TARDIS, Cybermen, the Emperor Dalek, Sec, the Toclafane... all were completely different to the way they conjoured themselves up in publicity photo.

Hmmm, I'll take your word for it. Not seen the publicity for any of those other ones.

Sorry for upsetting you, man.

Just saving me from getting upset when I see the actual episode.

Youth of Australia said...

Well, the TARDIS just looked plain odd - a bright greeny-blue colour with black windows. The Dalek Emperor looked like the top half of the one in Planet of the Daleks. The Cyberman looked like Ironman, and it had a C on it's chest! A "C"! And Sec, seen in darkness on a Radio Times cover, looked pure evil... not quite as good as what we ultimately got.

Let's just hope this lot keep their helmets on...

Scyther Slitheen said...

I really dont like the new look, way to human and silly looking IMO.

However, you never know with DW :)

Youth of Australia said...

Yes, well, maybe this is an early design mask to look good in photos and something different will be on TV - maybe CGI'd, like the Slitheen?