What if the rumors were true?
OK, the program guide of that other realm...
ROSE by RTD
The Eighth Doctor regenerates into a Ninth, who visits his long time neighbour Rosie Tyler during her birthday party when Autons attack, having discovered a way to possess humans using a Nestene heroin - srating with Rosie's abusive boyfriend Mickey Smith!
THE END OF THE ROAD by RTD
The Doctor and Rosie are placed under UNIT protection when Mr. Smith, a time traveller from the future arrives to destroy the Doctor after he sacrificed the Earth to the Daleks, who then fired asteroids at the surface. The Doctor must survive long enough to change the future.
GAS LIGHT by Mark Gattiss
The alien Geith are possessing the inhabitants of 1870, and the Doctor teams up with the doomed Charles Dickens to save Rosie from the Geith's sinister master, Nicholas Valentine...
ALIENS OF LONDON by RTD
After the events of the TV Movie, the slimy Master possesses the Prime Minister of Great Britain and declared war with the Slithereen Confederacy, leading to a war between species. Meanwhile, the Doctor, Rosie and Mickey meet Margaret Blaine, a woman who has discovered how to travel in time!
MUSEUM PIECE by Rob Shearman
The Doctor discovers the last of the Imperial Daleks a prisoner in Area 51 and tries to stop the Dalek Agent, a clone called Adam, from freeing it. However, the Dalek takes over Rosie's mind and together they plan to destroy humanity and rebuild Davros' empire.
THE LONG GAME by RTD
The Doctor and Rosie find themselves in a future version of Big Brother starring various celebrity historical figures - Joan of Arc, Einstein and Captain Jack Harkness.
D-DAY by Paul Cornell
The Doctor, Rosie and Jack head back to the 1980s to discover what happened to her father (Simon Pegg), and discover the chronovorous Vanishers are attacking the city. The Eighth Doctor arrives and together, the Doctors save the world, but Simon is vanished.
THE RIPPER by Stephen Moffat
Rosie and the Doctor relate their previous adventure - when they were trapped on an 1880s London steam train with Jack the Ripper on the rampage...
GAMESWORLD by RTD
The TARDIS arrives back at at the world dedicated to deadly gameshows, and as Jack faces his destiny, the Doctor and Rosie discover that Cybermen disguised as scarecrows are attacking 19th Century whistledown farms, and draining the blood of all their victims!
THE PARTING OF THE WAVES by RTD
Adam is revealed to be Davros, who unleashes a new army of Daleks to attack the Earth. The Eighth Doctor and Jack fight the Daleks, while the Ninth Doctor is mortally wounded. With the Slithereen destroying the Daleks, the Doctor and Rosie escape in the TARDIS. The Doctor announces to Rosie, "I've taught you all you need to know, so now you can do it yourself," before the doors open and he is sucked out into the time vortex, killing him instantly.
THE CHRISTMAS INVASION by RTD
Rosie and Jack return to London on Christmas Day when the Ice Warriors storm the Earth. An amnesiac Tenth Doctor is finally located and he manages to save the Earth with the help of Harriet Jones, the Prime Minister.
THE SUNSHINE CAMP by RTD
The Face of Boe takes over a plague camp where humans are experimented on with various diseases, only to die and leave his secret to the Doctor.
TOOTH AND CLAW by RTD
Returning to Earth, another Slithereen invasion attack to reclaim their technology.
SCHOOL REUNION by Tom Whitehouse
The Master returns, fulfilling the Face of Boe's secret in a remake of the Faculty. Mickey joins the TARDIS crew.
THE LONELY ANGEL by Stephen Moffat
Using stock footage of Cassanova, the Tenth Doctor mingles in Venice while dealing with an encounter with his old friend, Sarah Jane Smith. The Pilot Fish strike out once again.
SPARE PARTS by Tom MaCrae
Arriving on a parallel version of Earth, a Cyberman plague is killing off humanity, and International Electromatix is coming up with a way of saving the human race. To stop them, the Doctor, Rosie and Mickey must team up with the alternate, gay Mickey - a ruthless murderer known as the Grinderman.
THE IDIOT'S LANTERN by Mark Gattiss
The increasingly fraught TARDIS crew encounter Queen Victoria, and the Nestenes make a bid for supremacy using bakelite plastic.
THE SATAN PIT by Matthew Jones
The Doctor, Mickey and Rosie encounter Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder General and unwittingly unleash an alien demon in their quest to locate Captain Jack.
LOVE AND MONSTERS by RTD
A Blair Witch Project spoof, as a man called Elton Pope falls foul of an Abzorbaloff and the owner of a police box.
VILE BODIES by Stephen Fry
The TARDIS crew encounter the revenge of Adam in 2012, the truth about King Arthur in the middle ages, and just what has happened to Jack on another planet...
THE ARMY OF GHOSTS by RTD
A Cyberman invasion is fought off by Geocomtex, leading the full-scale return of the Time Lord with lots of flashbacks to the Time War. Mickey and Rosie leave the Doctor to face the revenge of the Time Lords, who destroy his TARDIS in a season cliffhanger.
THE RUNAWAY BRIDE by RTD
The Doctor is saved from certain death by an Eternal in the shape of a bride. The Doctor finds himself trying to convince the Bride that she must continue to live despite the trauma she has suffered, and then the Pilot Fish attack with giant snowmen.
THE ICE WORLD by RTD
The Doctor encounters Martha Jones when her hospital is teleported to the surface of Mars - and the natives are not happy. Then the Sontarans arrive to hunt down a Rutan spy, and things really get interesting.
MARTHA THE VAMPIRE SLAYER by Gareth Roberts
Travelling back to meet William Shakespeare, the Doctor and Martha meet a group of the Time Lord's ancient enemies. Featuring special scenes with the Ninth Doctor and Rosie from A Groatsworth of Wit.
FLESH AND BONE by RTD
The Great Intelligence rules New Earth, forcing the Doctor and Martha to fight off the Yeti.
THE DALEKS TAKE MANHATTEN by Helen Raynor
Dalek Sec begins the conquest of humanity by genetically reprogramming pigs to become humanoid warriors. In order to fund its experiments, the Daleks set up a showgirl theatre.
HUMAN NATURE by Paul Cornell
The Rani returns and transforms the Doctor into an ordinary human being, leaving him helpless when the Aubertides return to defeat the Doctor for their earlier defeat. Can Joan Redfern help him again?
OUT OF THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE by Stephen Moffat
Captain Jack returns in this Doctor light episode of alien stalkers who steal people's lives.
UTOPIA by RTD
The Doctor, Martha and Jack meet arrive on an alien planet of clock builders who worship the Face of Boe. The Doctor discovers that the inhabitants are the descendants of the Time Lords and when their leader (Derek Jacobi) is forced to regenerate, earns the Doctor another enemy.
THE ARCHANGEL by RTD
Fleeing to 21st century Earth, the Doctor is captured by the evil Harold Saxon... AKA the Valeyard!
VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED by RTD
The Eternal race of ships is endangered when the Sea Devils and Ice Warriors lay a trap with an ice berg. With the help of a living TARDIS called Astrid (Kylie Minogue) and the Porg leader (Hugh Grant) the Tenth Doctor deliberately sinks the Titanic.
ON DONNA - THE FIRES OF VULCAN ii by RTD
Donna Noble teams up with the Doctor and travel back to Imperial Rome during the dying days of the empire.
MIND WAR by Gareth Roberts
During an encounter with Agatha Christie, the Doctor has flashbacks to the Time War for no real reason.
PLANET OF THE OOD by Keith Temple
While visiting the Oodsphere as Humanity enslaves an intelligent hive species, the Doctor continues to have flashbacks with Paul McGann in it for no real reason, as well as Davros.
A DEADLY PAST by Terrance Dicks
A sequel to Claws of Axos. Of COURSE!!!
SAPPHIRE AVENGED by Someone Who Wishes To Remain Nameless.
It turns out that Sapphire (Joanna Lumbley) and Steel (David McCallum) have resurrected the Master in the year 100 Trillion for no real reason.
THE ICY NEMESIS by Someone Who Wishes To Remain Nameless
The third remake in a row of The Dying Days as Martha Jones and Brigadier handle first contact with Earth and Mars sans the Doctor.
ETERNAL STRUGGLE by Someone Else Who Wishes Never To Be Discovered
Now with Martha as a companion, the Doctor and Donna sit down and watch MORE flashbacks to the Time War for no real reason for two whole episodes. Starring Davros (Ben Kingsley).
THE TIME WAR by Someone Who Needs A Life
Maximum fanwank is achieved with a four part story full of flashbacks to the Time War with the return of Rosie Tyler and Mickey Smith as Gallifrey burns and the Doctor dies and regenerates in the 200th Doctor Who story.
THE FOUR DOCTORS by Terrance Dicks
Running out of fanwank to enjoy, the Eleventh Doctor (Mark Gatiss) decides to travel through time and meet his previous three incarnations and show off how crap the latest one is.
The series is then cancelled until 2010 with a major rethink involved. You think I made this crap up?
Think again, pilgrim. Go here and think again.