BYE-BYE, SPARACUS!!!

(Note: the above to be shouted ala the last line of City of Death)

As prophesized by Jared "No Nickname" Hansen in his ontological obituaries column...

Sparacus Himself: Sadly that file hasn't yet been declassified by the CIA. Word is that it involves a snooker cue, three flamingos, HRH Conrad Westmaas Prince of Wales, two litres of sarspirilla, a piece of New Zealand cheese of dubious morality and fellatio. Roll on March 23rd 2168, I say!

How right he turned out to be.

Well, that's it.

He's gone.

Sparacus has been expelled from the world of mortals. Or banned from Gallifrey Base. Whichever is easier to comprehend. And this isn't some "OK, 24 hours while you all cool off" kinda deal like we remember from the Ghosts of Weatherfield carnage. He's gone. His sig is gone, his fishface avatar deleted, his inbox shut for business. And, considering this is a man who posted his bowel movements to keep us up to date with his life, the lack of warning is as damning indictment as any. Certainly no one has rushed forth to say he's still joined, or that his departure was voluntary like SJ.

(I write this in the deep suspicion he'll be back on Monday, nonetheless.)

Now, I'm an old hand at getting banned from opinion forums, and I've managed to NOT get banned from Gallifrey Base. See, GB tends to work like some creepy Soviet Russia state - you break the rules, the post you broke them in are deleted, subtracted from reality to the point you yourself begin to doubt you ever posted them. At most you get forced to re-agree to the code of conduct (this mini-ban I've suffered about four times now, one of which was completely unfair because it was for LINKING TO THIS VERY BLOG... gimme strength).

Basically, for Spara to get banned would be epic. VERY epic.

And, tragically, we'll never know what it was.

(By the way, I managed to not only get banned from the Doctor Who Project Forum, but also get the entire forum closed down and everyone else banned - by cunning use of cut-and-paste and material from this very blog! Yay!)

Last words are rarely the witty one-liners we'd want them to be, so here are the last recorded statements Sparacus made on the web.


(On his thread "Should 'Jago & Litefoot : series 1' be the next tv spin-off?")
A quick plug folks: for all fans of Talons.... the new Jago & Litefoot series 1 boxset is out now - from Big Finish. All serious fans of Doctor Who will remember them & own a copy of 'The Mahogany Murders' as well as the new boxset.


(On the critique of his latest story, featuring everyone in Bankok as a corrupt slutty transgender drug-dealing criminal prostitute)
This post goes out of its way to be negative for negative's sake. The characters are not mean't to be representative of all chinese or thai people or culture just aspects of it. And I do not depict women negatively - Amy is not shown badly.
(note: Amy is not in the story)


(On his deliberate ignoring of criticism)
Not very fair. I am under no compulsion to reply to any post however I did give yours a polite, if brief, response. Considering the hyperbolic nature of your initial post I did not wish to engage more fully. However I can see how this could be misconstrued as rudeness on my part.


(On his blatant, word-by-word plagiarism)
This story is not stolen. Rather it is a brilliant and engaging sequel to a classic story from the greatest era of Doctor Who.


(On his female characters)
Not very fair. Martha Jones was a mature and sensible woman who just didn't tolerate the 1oth Doctor clowning around. Katie Ryan is a popular modern woman.


(On the reply of the Pope face-palming)
Offensive image.


(When asked why)
It is offensive to non-catholics only to show one religious leader. If a picture of the Pope is to included then logically we also need pictures of other religious leaders so that they don't feel offended.


(On a thread about "Phil Ochs")
I'd say 'Rehearsals for Retirement' is his best album.


(On his portrayal of the Eleventh Doctor as a kung fu, jelly-baby-eating, ladyboy-shagging git)
I am not "buggering up the characterisation". The 11th Doctor in my story is the same as he is in the tv series.


(Although reacting to a death warrant, he sums up his entire online persona...)
Strange comment.


(When a newbie turned turned their back on the Chatham forum...)
You will be missing out on a key part of the Doctor Who universe if you do this!


(and when he was asked to justify that statement)
Operation Delta/Ben Chatham are major Doctor Who online spin off characters. You would be missing out on the internet medium parts of the Doctor Who ouvre.


(His pitch for "A new Doctor Who Magazine!", which was thrown out of the DWm part of the forum immediately...)
It seems to me that there is a need for a new Doctor Who magazine, not to replace DWM but to complement it. This forum features lots of characters and storylines that do not appear in the televised series and are not featured in DWM. I do not envisage the new magazine as competing with DWM, indeed I'd hope that many of the writers & editors of DWM would contribute to the new publication as well. As a title, a possibility is "Gallifrey Base Doctor Who Monthly" although this sounds a bit formal so if anyone can think of a more snappy title I'd be grateful. I'd hope Tom Spilsbury would be involved with the editing. Possible contents include:

- Ben Chatham stories
- New Doctor Who comic strip featuring Lin Sang & Kaiden Broome
- Operation Delta Guardian section featuring Ben Chatham news
- Adam Rickitt interview (conducted by Ben Cook)
- Character profiles of Katie Ryan & Kyle Scott
- A London Operation Delta comic strip
- Jamie Campbell-Bower interview
- A feature on alien threats featured in the Ben Chatham stories
- Production notes written by myself
- Letters page
- Lin Sang comic strip

The aim of the new magazine will be to feature Doctor Who spin off characters that are popular online. One idea I have is that the magazine could be internet only. However I'm old fashioned and like to have a physical copy of magazines. I'd like this publication to be on the shelf in WH Smiths.

Just to clarify, Kaiden Broome is a new Tardis companion of the Doctor played by Jamie Campbell-Bower.
(Note: he never got to write anything for KB.)


(In reply to Gareth Roberts dissing online forum lunatics like Sparacus himself.)
Or in other words:
"Everyone who dislikes my dumbed down take on Doctor Who is a nutter and I'd rather not have to listen to their opinions as I secretly know that my writing isn't much good and so am insecure about it".

(bizarrely, his very next post was)
'The Lodger' was very good indeed. And I liked 'The Unicorn & the Wasp'.


(His final original thread "Moffat admits that he refuses to visit this forum!")
In a new interview conducted by his own son Moffat has stated that he no longer visits this forum. He is unwilling to listen to feedback or criticism . This site is the main hub of fandom. He has a duty to listen to the fans who keep this show alive.


(His final ever post)
I envisage this magazine to be full of Ben Cook interviews, professionally drawn comic strips, interesting features and Tom Spilsbury as editor.

Not ¤¤¤¤ at all.


And, while not his literal last words, probably his fitting epitaph...


(At the accusation his stories and characters are all miserable bastards)
I am a writer of Doctor Who fiction. It has never been my aim to be "fun".