Last night, or at least, very early this morning, the hallucinatory phenomenon washing through my exhausted brain took on a rather strange and distinct narrative. I have tried to transcribe it clearly, but there are some floating moments (like when a niave young wife is forced by her husband to trick the local populace into poisoning themselves en masse) that may or may not be relevent.
On a foggy forrest a small band of outlaws has captured a group of travellers and are robbing them of everything they possess - all the proceeds, they assure their terrified victims, will go to the funds to release King Richard from Leopole's Austrian fun palace, as these outlaws are actually working for Robin Hood. One of the travellers gets very upset and, wasting no time, the outlaws give him one of the ever-popular-knife-to-the-guts before starting to wander off, laughing.
The remaining travellers, horrified, call after the bandits - surely Robin Hood isn't party to mindless slaughter? The laughing bandits call over their shoulders, "Oh, didn't you know? Robin Hood is dead! Been dead for months!"
Suddenly, a super human volley of arrows rains down from the trees, pinning two or three of the bandits to the ground. The remainder run for it, one rushing back to take the Pretty Cute Girl (standard equipment in 13th century travelling groups) hostage when a blonde figure drops into view and decks him unconscious. More figures drop from the trees. The grateful travellers quiz their savior, "Who are you?"
"Me? I am Robyn Hood," says Kate confidently. She explains she deliberately uses a male-sounding name so the soldiers are looking for a man, rather than a woman. As she frees the travellers, one of her companions shouts, "Kate! He's getting away!"
Kate, pissed off, reminds Little John, that she is Robyn Hood, but the big guy is lumbering off down the road after the remaining bandit (who of course has all the loot). Kate awkwardly tries to explain why she's passing herself as RH while Archer cheerfully shows off that it was HE who did all the amazing arrow business, not her...
Little John chases the bandit over a hill, but into an ambush. The bandit soon has a knife against John's throat and is about to kill him. John is furious at scum bandits passing themselves off as a hero, but the bandit points out that John's buddies have been doing the same: he's heard of a dozen different Robin Hoods from the day the original destroyed Nottingham. "WE don't have any choice," roars John.
"Well, neither do I," giggles the bandit. He's a psycho, did I mention it. "Like the saying goes: nowadays, it's every man for himself..."
The bandit falls over dead, with a Saracen sword plunged in his back. Much stands over him. "I hate sayings," he grunts, wordlessly helping John back to his feet.
A spinning bullseye later, the group are trudging up the track on their own. Brother Tuck is giving them all a lecture about cooperation, trust and responsibility - they are all flying off on their own. Kate points out that it's getting more and more necessary for them to disobey orders if they want to get ANYTHING done: they might be a crack military unit listening to Tuck, but one that often fails. Tuck points out that they all chose him to be leader, but Kate hints/implies/whatever it was because he was the only one not totally heartbroken by Robin's death.
Tuck insists he has justified all his decisions and generally been a good leader. After Nottingham was demolished, the gang rescued all the food supplies Izzy stole and returned them back to the villages. But with "civilization" effectively ended there, Loxley and the others were free from Prince John and taxes, able to survive on their own. Archer thinks this is the perfect reason they should have stayed, where no one was looking for them. John agrees with Tuck that they go where they are needed, but Kate points out that all they've done since then is tried to stop OTHER outlaws robbing merchants in the forests. Tuck reminds them that they have not encounters villages of size enough to merit giving supplies to, let alone a place they can keep the swag.
Things start to get heated, with demands Tuck finally reveal what his long-term plan is when the group notice Much is not with them: he has gone on ahead. He peers over a hill where horses can be seen, with Prince John's private entourage. The others join him and watch on. Tuck ponders the next move - PJ's presence cannot be a coincidence, but why is he leaving his seat of power? They must play this one VERY carefully...
It's then Tuck notices that all the others have buggered off, intending to get PJ to Stand and Deliver.
The opening titles begin... and not long after I woke up.