Friday, August 1, 2008

Smug Overload

Oh yes, my faithful silent majority. Let it not be said that blogging does not have power... global power! Bwaha! I thought for a while the only thing that it was good for was finger exercise and getting me fired/and or sued for sexual harrassment but not any more.

As the handful of readers are no doubt completely aware, Time's Champion has finally been released - the incomplete 'Sixth Doctor Snuffs It' tale that Craig Hinton was working on before his genuinely-too-soon death. And the readers are buzzing across the web on the bits that say the Master is the War Chief! Oh, watch how even semi-respectible reviewers like Eddie Wolverson are back tracking and saying, "yeah, well, maybe, maybe not, it's not like I care, I'm above such things, yes it's true!".

And I played my part in this INCREDIBLE bit of pedantry. Check out the wiki entry for the War Chief and there's a little "3" that leads you to a link to this very blog. And one of the followers of that link was the bloke that completed Time's Champion, enthused by brain-twistingly brilliant thesis, and even posted here to say so. So my puny rantings have helped change the state of Who fandom forever!

Let's see Mr. Chatham beat that!

And, in conclusion I post here a comic strip from 1992 about the Doctor and his old rival on Gallifrey. At the time, everyone thought it was the Master. Then everyone said it was the War Chief cause he's called Magnus not Koschei. Like there's a difference...











Any doubt left, boys and girls?





...what do you mean they've brought back Adric from beyond the grave?!?

6 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

...what's that about Adric?

Youth of Australia said...

Damn it, man it's Big Finish. The Fifth Doctor and Nyssa land on prehistoric Earth and find that Adric is

a) alive
b) a little old man
c) played by Andrew Sachs exactly the same as Skagra
d) evil, twisted and bitter
e) calling himself the Scorpion King

who then vows to destroy them all. But eventually sacrifices himself AGAIN for the greater good. And because Paul Margrs suddenly changed his mind.

It's the BF equivalent of "Something Borrowed".

FUCK!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

...Nick Briggs must die.



(Feel free to quote that from me when/if you get around to doing the spoof)


That is... the worst idea ever. Beyond that. The worst ANYTHING ever. For fuck's sake. Of.. all the possible ways of bringing Adric back... PAUL MARGRS? How could you.. how could you get him to do it? Ahhhh fuck.

Please tell me this is revealed to be a dream sequence. Please tell me that.

FUCK! I can't get over how bad this idea is... this is like saying "Hey, I'll make a sandwich, but with razor blades instead of blood and plutonium instead of meat!" Why doesn't Margrs just fuck off and write stories where Holmes and Watson are lesbians sharing with Mina Murray. Hasn't he shat on enough Doctor Who by now? Fuck this. Get Larry Miles to write some stories before you commission this shit. Fuck that get ME to write some! No open submissions when you're putting this shit out?

Seriously, most stuff on Teaspoon & An Open Mind has better ideas than that. Like... I dunno I think that fic where the 5th Doctor found that fountain with gender-bending powers which infected Adric and made him turn into a girl whenever he touched water, and there were lots of stupid anime fight scenes and the Master disguised himself as Basil Fawlty and it went for abut 25 chapters is better than this.

..my brain is still failing to process this. This rivals Warmonger in terms of sheer terribleness of concept. It may even surpass it.

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET WATERHOUSE YOU BASTARDS?!?

Ah, time for somebody more level-headed to step up to the plate I think... what does Hitler have to say...


HITLER: Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? That is the stupidest idea ever! What is the point of killing off a character, bringing him back to life, and KILLING HIM again! It's a complete waste of character development... and it makes no sense! WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT!

And Adric and Nyssa were meant to be together! You think if those fuckers were going to bring him back they'd do something about THAT plotline!

....I have subscribed to Big Finish since the very beginning. This is how my loyalty is repaid?... bastards.

I don't think I can ever listen to one of their CDs again... maybe if they have more about Peri's childhood.. then at least I'll get my "Poward" fix.

...fuck Nick Briggs.

Youth of Australia said...

(Feel free to quote that from me when/if you get around to doing the spoof)
I'm honestly not sure how I could spoof something that pisses me off so much. Even spoofing it would give it too much respect.

Please tell me this is revealed to be a dream sequence. Please tell me that.
I haven't fully listened to the story. For obvious reasons.

Why doesn't Margrs just fuck off and write stories where Holmes and Watson are lesbians sharing with Mina Murray. Hasn't he shat on enough Doctor Who by now?
Seems not.

Get Larry Miles to write some stories before you commission this shit.
Get Nyder to write another Kaldor City sequel. Get Sparacus. Anything.

No open submissions when you're putting this shit out?
Sickening, isn't it?

..my brain is still failing to process this. This rivals Warmonger in terms of sheer terribleness of concept. It may even surpass it.
...quite possibly.

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET WATERHOUSE YOU BASTARDS?!?
Quite. Worst of all, once Adric dies... AGAIN... they make a joke about nobody getting his name right and calling him "Eric".

Ah, time for somebody more level-headed to step up to the plate I think... what does Hitler have to say...
Brilliance.

I don't think I can ever listen to one of their CDs again... maybe if they have more about Peri's childhood.. then at least I'll get my "Poward" fix.
Nev Fountain, they want you...

Sigh...

Chris Hale said...

Is it at all possible that we've just 'previewed' a rough unfinished version of the story that was leaked.
So far the story has been delayed for release on both CD and Download and this could be just Big Finish's elaborate scheme to flush a mole out who's been posting these stories on torrent sites. After all, Big Finish has expressed concerns to those that download these stories.

Ok, call me optimistic here. I listened through the whole thing and it was just so painful to listen to it that I can't just believe that Big Finish have lost their minds totally to produce this horrible fan-fic.

Youth of Australia said...

I haven't fully listened to it either. But then, the bits with the Doctor, Nyssa and Tommy in a jungle swapping stories about how stupid "Eric" was didn't interest me to start with. The bits that I DID listen to pissed me off unutterably, to the point I'll rather suffer ignorance and mockery rather than risk putting up with more of the crap. Not even Creed of the Kromon had that effect on me. The Next Life was morphine in comparison. And Catch-1872 seems a positive love letter.

Don't get me wrong people. I'm not complaining that it isn't some Adric-hero-worship and the Doctor and Nyssa don't immediately embrace Scientology in gratitude for Adric returning.

But for Christ's sake... he MATTERED to them. They would LIKE him not to have died. The last thing the Fifth Doctor ever does is sadly mention Adric's name.

It's part of the fricken mythology - and a more important part than explaining why Davo's hair won't stay the same length (thanks Lance Parkin, nice to know you too focus on the IMPORTANT things).

Now, Adric was a whiny, arrogant adolescent with few if any social graces and a superiority complex of dangerous proportions even amongst his own people. But, as Gene Hunt says, "You make that sound like a bad thing." And like Gene, Adric's actions showed he understood right from wrong. Hell, put Turlough in Adric's place in State of Decay. Would he have changed sides for Romana's sake? The phrase "Fuck no, I'm immortal!" springs to mind.

The guy deliberately sacrificed himself for the greater good. The guy was an obnoxious irritating bore. The two don't cancel each other out, unlike what Paul Margrs seems to think. How the hell the writer who came up with the pivotal Fifth Doctor scene in Big Finish (in Excelis Dawns, Iris asks why he isn't revelling in chaos like he used to and gets icily told, "Because someone DIED, Iris!" which shuts the bat up) can write a story that seems to have mixed up Adric with Herbert from TimeLash frankly scares me.

People say that getting a different actor to play a 500-year-old Adric is a sensible move. They haven't explained quite why having a 5000-year-old Adric in the first place is necessary, though.

I mean, I might have coped if it was FUNNY. If say, they got Charles Daniels to tackle this truly retarded plot idea. Just as Nev Fountain rubbed our faces in his revised version of all history (Richard III was Legrand from Robin Hood, would you believe? I never twigged. He should have done that creepy laugh more...), TBTTF is basically one of Mad Larry's Skesis-pardoies going, "You hate Adric, yes? He is stupid, yes? Let us mock him further, yes?"

I thought only Spara's "Polly was raped by Professor Brett and was forced into a loveless marriage raising an insane son for forty years" was as awful as such characterization could get.

I swear if they got LBC in character to write this, even filled with schoolgirl tentacle rape and X-Men parodies, it would STILL treat Adric with more respect.

I may not even spoof TBTTF. I wonder if I should even give it that much recognition... which is why I haven't devoted a blogpost to it.

Quite simply, as Jared said, if this stunt was pulled with Sarah Jane Smith, there would be riots on the streets. And this is from Big Finish who saved the Sixth Doctor, Peri, Mel, Nyssa and gave even fucking KAMELION character development!

Margrsy? Briggsy? I got an asskicking for you...