Wednesday, January 23, 2008

For Fuck's Sake Gabriel Chase - Reloaded!

The "More Discerning Fan" has renovated once more into a paragraph of hate, so let's see how the wonderful and loving and gentle Gabriel Chase has started the new year:


By the middle of the first decade of the 21st Century, British television had become a multi-channel facet of a multi-faceted entertainment industry
Not QUITE as good as HG Wells War of the Worlds, I think you'll agree.

seemingly existing largely to provide copy for the multitude of celebrity gossip magazines and to win awards for its writers and performers.
Ooh, bitter! I know back in ze good eld days, Doctor Who never won awards. Apart from 'best scripts for young adults and teenagers' hash made back in 1977. But that was The Tom Baker show and thus not part of Doctor Who...

The people who ran this radically different industry were products of the Thatcherite "greed is good" era where image and profit margins were considered more important than quality and originality.
Dude, even Ben Elton has moved on. GET OVER IT!

What's really funny is how low quality and originality are held on the site. Seriously, he makes up stuff about the production teams he could be sued for... if he was brave enough to allow people to contact him.

So it was no surprise that a tried and tested concept should be revived and thoroughly revamped for the new generation of celebrity addicts and short-attention-span TV viewers.
The rest of humanity are just scum, aren't they, GC? Scum scum scum scum scum! Only the Discerning Fan may live!

Russell T.Davies, whose previous British sci-fi offering had been the six-part children's serial Dark Season in 1991,
AND Century Falls...

chose to capitalise on his growing reputation within the trendier sections of Britain's TV industry by reviving Doctor Who,
No, you fuckwit, I think you'll find it was Lorraine Heggesy, the Controller of the BBC who brought it back. RTD was chosen to do it because he'd been asking to do it for the last ten years. Yet you seem to imply RTD was some Rupert Murdoch media mogul who revived Doctor Who for cash and cash only. God, you'll be claiming he's not a fan next.

a show he claimed as being one of his favourites as a child.
Yes. Because everyone who lies about liking Doctor Who can instantly refer to the Garm. And the fact he regularly wrote to DWM before during and after the wilderness years, well, that's no evidence at all. ANYONE could add references to The Web Planet to their stories. But it doesn't mean they LIKE Doctor Who. And writing a full-length Doctor Who novel in 1995, well, that's just a retcon!

Suddenly, a show that had been ridiculed and besmirched throughout most of its existence by the TV hierarchy
APART from the very beginning, when it was made clear that Doctor Who would be 'television history' because no other show would be guaranteed a 52-episode run, an unprecedented level of support. And the fact the way it was allowed a Christmas special and New Year's Eve special, because the Controller at the time loved it. And the way it was given Season 7 despite the fact it would have been easier to finish it at Season 6. And... well, you get the picture. You don't? Well, that's because you're a moron, GC.

found itself the subject of a massive publicity exercise launched by the very sector of society that had derided it for so long.
How DARE they change their minds! How DARE they! Who gave them permission to like Doctor Who?!

Sadly for fans of the original show, the so-called revival proved to be little more than a rehash of the "Harry Potter" and "Lord of the Rings" film adaptations that the new breed of TV executives and their ilk saw as "quality" drama.
That'll be the same fans who worship Ben Chatham and beg for his deification? I feel right in saying the vocal majority of 'original' fans like it. Which of course why only the MORE discerning fans visit your site. The 'just discerning' fans gave up on it ages ago... How long before it's "the website for the incredible discerning borderline austistic fan"?

I take it also you don't like films. Or fantasy. Or children's books. Why DO you like Doctor Who?

The new Doctor Who series was more an adaptation of the original novels published by Virgin and then BBC Books than a continuation of the original TV series.
Except for the fact they have rendered the books non canon and delayed The Gallifrey Chronicles JUST to make it clear to everyone it wasn't based on the same story.

The visual side owed much to the American pilot - in particular the design of the Tardis interior (also reminiscent of the Tardis seen in the Sixties' films - the doors being visible on the inside for instance), the opening titles and the overall dark, brooding atmosphere, and was a glossy, hi-tech adventure serial with impressive special effects, a lot of talking and more than the occasional lapse into schoolboy humour.
So... it had impressive special effects, but relied on characterization and humor. Like the way the old show DIDN'T have impressive special effects, but relied on characterization and humor. So, basically, it's the same show with better special effects.

Hang on a minute, doesn't "schoolboy humor" cancel out "dark, brooding atmosphere"?

Christopher Eccleston starred as a newly regenerated Doctor, with former pop starlet Billie Piper as his new companion, Rose Tyler. Eccleston's "Ninth" Doctor (though it was never made certain)
Apart from all the guide books, reviews, interviews, and the fact on screen he is shown to have nine strands of DNA, one for each Doctor. And was shown to be one after Paul McGann.

was more than reminiscent of Colin Baker's portrayal during the "Mindwarp" section of The Trial of a Time Lord, being frequently arrogant, sometimes condescending, often cowardly, and strangely reluctant to commit himself to resolving crises.
Strangely? You haven't heard about the time war, have you?

Nevertheless, the new series was an immediate hit with the "Harry Potter" generation of under-twelves and twenty-somethings (most of whom didn't know any better!)
Seriously, is there ANYONE you actually like? You hate celebrities, you hate audiences, you hate children, and you think the older generation has sold out. There must be SOMEONE!

despite provoking only lukewarm responses from the likes of former Doctor Peter Davison
Who volunteered to appear in the show, whose kids are huge fans, and dropped by on Tennant's first day to encourage him.

and former script editor Chris Bidmead.
Who of course does no wrong except for the 500 mistakes he is blamed for on this site.

Five days after the first episode, Rose, was broadcast to an expectant nation, Eccleston announced his retirement from the show "to avoid being typecast", forcing a hasty rewrite of the final episode to introduce David Tennant as his replacement.
Absolute rubbish and not an iota of truth.

Tennant made his official debut in an hour long Christmas special
After his UNOFFICIAL debut in a Children in Need sketch.

which more than anything underlined the difference between 1960s TV and its 21st Century equivalent. Back in 1965, a Doctor Who "Christmas Special" (the Feast of Steven episode of The Dalek Masterplan) was more an accident of scheduling than a positive decision to celebrate the Festive Season.
More lies. Terry Nation structured the whole story so the plot would be on either side of Christmas Day.

Forty years later Christmas specials were a necessary obligation of every serial screened by the BBC.
Except for most of them. Dear God, do you WATCH TV?

A second series followed in Easter 2006 with Piper bowing out in an explosive finale involving both Daleks and Cybermen, the design of the latter heavily influenced by Andrew Skilleter's illustrations in David Banks' 1988 Cybermen book.
You haven't read that book, have you? Because if you did, you'd know the Cybus version are as far from Banksy's magnum opus as it is possible to get.

In a further attempt to forge links with the original series, Elisabeth Sladen revived her Sarah-Jane Smith persona alongside the ubiquitous K9 (voiced, as ever, by John Leeson),
So what does the show have to do to PROPERLY forge links? Use an old Doctor? Done that? Daleks? Done that. Cybermen? Done that. Sontarans? Time Lords? UNIT?!

which inspired Davies to write a pilot for a spin-off series featuring Sarah and K9 (no less than 25 years after the original pilot).
Well, that INSTANTLY invalidates the whole thing, doesn't it?

Also spinning-off from the Who mothership was Torchwood, a sci-fi adventure series based in Cardiff and featuring Captain Jack Harkness from the second half of the first "new" series.
...and? What? No 'psychic investigators' and Captain John Bannerman? Not even a hideous betrayal of Doctor Who with all that sex and violence?

You have NO idea what you're talking about?

Tennant's version of the Doctor was more likeable than Eccleston's but was overshadowed somewhat by the established Piper. In fact the second series was more "Rose Tyler" than "Doctor Who", the rather annoying habit 21st century scriptwriters have of including friends and relatives of major characters leading to Rose's mother and boyfriend appearing in practically every episode,
Wow, so out of the twenty seven episodes, they appeared in ten. And the boyfriend was a companion, you dipstick.

whilst even her supposedly deceased father appeared twice.
In science fiction, you say? In a series about time travel?! WE SAW SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD?!? Thank God it was a fictional character and not someone real like Charles Dickens or Queen Victoria or Shakespeare...

A second Christmas special followed with Piper replaced temporarily
No, Piper was gone.

by the Trendies' favourite BBC comedienne, Catherine Tate, who thankfully desisted from using any of the monotonous catchphrases from her trendy (and relatively unfunny) BBC3 sketch show.
Ah, so you liked it then? This backhanded compliment is the closest to admiration we've seen.

Piper's full-time replacement had already made the news by the time she debuted in Smith and Jones, the opening installment of the third series.
Wow! No other companion has EVER been in the news before their first episode!

You halfwit.

Freema Agyeman (who had appeared in the second series episode Army of Ghosts) played the part of medical student Martha Jones, who the press had a field day with over the fact that Agyeman was the Doctor's first ever black companion - which wasn't strictly accurate
Since Mickey was a companion.

as Agyeman's mother is Iranian (thus making her only half-black)
...You racist fuck.

whilst TV Comic's Dr.Who strip had blazed this particular trail back in the 1970s.
No, that was DWM in the 1980s. Wrong publication, wrong DECADE.

Almost as unimaginative as the numerous references to "Smith and Jones"
Of which there was but one.

was the immediate inclusion of Martha's family in virtually every episode
Virtually every = three stories out of ten.

and the fact that even after thirty-odd episodes, the series had rarely ventured beyond the confines of Earth or its parallel universe analogue New Earth.
It's not a parallel universe, you shitbrain. And you missed the nine stories NOT set on Earth.

The Daleks returned yet again in a story guaranteed to annoy traditionalists, featuring a Dalek with a personality striving to become a human, which is a bit like a modern Homo sapiens attempting to become Ramapithecus!
You mean it was just like The Evil of the Daleks. Which traditionalists love.

Also returning after an eleven year absence was the Master, now played by John Simm fresh from the triumph of Life on Mars and, like Eric Roberts' version in the American pilot, clean-shaven.
And also Peter Pratt and Geoffrey Beevers' versions.

There was also the usual clutch of familiar faces from soaps and sitcoms all eager to be seen in one of trendy TV's showcases,
DAMN THEM FOR WANTING WORK! DAMN THEM!

as well as sometime writer Mark Gatiss and respected "Ac-Tor" Derek Jacobi.
You even have Jacobi? What's wrong with you man?!

Probably most telling was Paul Cornell's two-part story Human Nature/Family of Blood, a direct adaptation of his 1995 Virgin New Adventure novel Human Nature
Which rendered the entire book series uncanonical.

proving if ever proof was needed that the new series was less a follow-on from the original TV series than an off-shoot of the Virgin/BBC novels.
Which were a follow on from the original series, you stupid bastard.

More an illegitimate second-cousin than a legitimate child.
Now you hate unmarried parents! I hope you don't find out RTD is gay...

A third Christmas special, broadcast as the filling in an EastEnders sandwich, was boosted by the presence of ex-soapstar-turned-internationally celebrated songstress Kylie Minogue and claimed ratings of over 12 million.
Come on, GC, there's gotta be SOME way to turn that negative.

However, even though the show was still an important weapon in the BBC's armoury, cracks were beginning to show in its thin veneer of superficiality.
Wow. A veneer of superficiality is pretty thin to start with, but a THIN superficial veneer...

Agyeman was farmed out to Torchwood at the end of the third series to make way for a returning Catherine Tate, presumably because Tate was worth more gossip column inches than Agyeman
And then Agyeman was 'farmed back'...

whilst Billie Piper was rumoured to be returning to the show for the finale of series four.
Rumored. Right. Not read the papers recently, have you, GC?

More disturbing was the announcement that Doctor Who wouldn't be run at all in 2009
No, you fucking retard, it will, in the form of special movies.

owing to Tennant appearing in a theatrical run of Macbeth, something that would never have happened during the original series.
Except for Peter Davison and Jon Pertwee stepping off to appear in movies, dramas and soaps.

Dear God, GC, I despise you with a passion that would frighten certain fundamentalist groups.

12 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Okay, I am REEALLY confused by the comparisons between New Who and the Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings movies. They... have special effects? They... use humour and drama? That's all I've got. Completely different outlook, completely different direction, visuals, balance of characterisation, writing... in fact, the two film franchises aren't even similar to one ANOTHER, let alone to Doctor sodding Who.

Also, attacking everyone who has read Harry Potter as retarded is monumentally stupid. Because that now consists of a very large percentage of the English-speaking world. You simply cannot lump that many people, so many millions, into one group, no matter how much you hate what they like. I should know. I've tried it with AFL.

as Agyeman's mother is Iranian (thus making her only half-black)

*scrapes jaw of floor*

Hoooooly shit. I'm imagining GC at Halle Berry's oscar speech, shouting out "Come off it, you're not black!"

Youth of Australia said...

Okay, I am REEALLY confused by the comparisons between New Who and the Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings movies. They... have special effects? They... use humour and drama? That's all I've got.
They... are very popular and successful adaptations?

Completely different outlook, completely different direction, visuals, balance of characterisation, writing... in fact, the two film franchises aren't even similar to one ANOTHER, let alone to Doctor sodding Who.
Well, since GC hasn't seen a single episode of New Who bar Time Crash, I assume he hasn't seen HP or LOTR either...

Also, attacking everyone who has read Harry Potter as retarded is monumentally stupid. Because that now consists of a very large percentage of the English-speaking world. You simply cannot lump that many people, so many millions, into one group, no matter how much you hate what they like. I should know. I've tried it with AFL.
What about the bunch of people who had no choice but to read it, or those who read it and didn't like it? Are they exempt?

Hoooooly shit. I'm imagining GC at Halle Berry's oscar speech, shouting out "Come off it, you're not black!"
I wonder how he considers Michael Jackson...

Cameron Mason said...


You mean it was just like The Evil of the Daleks. Which traditionalists love.


At last!

Someone else who agrees with me!


Which rendered the entire book series uncanonical.


Nah.

The Time War shifted the Seventh Doctor and Benny to another Boy's School in England where the Doctor fell in love with Jill Redburn...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

The Time War shifted the Seventh Doctor and Benny to another Boy's School in England where the Doctor fell in love with Jill Redburn...

All right,

"Which made fans have to jump through hoops to say that the entire book series is canonical."

Either way, you don't NEED to have read the books to watch the show, do you?

Cameron Mason said...


Either way, you don't NEED to have read the books to watch the show, do you?


Of course not.

It's just that they can all co-exist together in one happy expanded universe, despite what some people think...

Cameron

Youth of Australia said...

Of course not.
It's just that they can all co-exist together in one happy expanded universe, despite what some people think...

Well, GC seems to think that books cancel out the original series and the new one is dependent on them.

Which is bollocks.

Hence the purpose of the post.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I got the impression that Cam may have been chiding you gently for your frequent assertion that the books are not canon, often imparted with a Hiterlish fury and much violent eruptions of salivation.

But that's just me.

(BOOKS RULE!!!)

Youth of Australia said...

I got the impression that Cam may have been chiding you gently for your frequent assertion that the books are not canon, often imparted with a Hiterlish fury and much violent eruptions of salivation.
Oh, suddenly an overactive saliva gland makes me Hitler, does it? And after RTD said on TELEVISION that the books "didn't matter"?

And I'm not the one slagging off Freema Agyemen on the grounds of racial purity.

But that's just me.
You realize that if Human Nature is cancelled out, then so is Sanctuary?

(BOOKS RULE!!!)
Dude, one day, one day I might inflict on you the sight of my house. In the mean times, suffice it to say imagine Black Books with more animals in it. I know books rule. My mum's a bleedin librarian. I know books rule.

I'm not the one who wrote two pages in DWM saying it was too difficult for legal reasons to tie in with the books and thus would be treated as uncanonical by everyone except hardcore fans prepared to work out how they fit into the new scheme of things, am I?

A clue: no, that was RTD.

Sorry if I sound bitchy though, but we got the last of granddad's will sorted out, which has proved a bit of a downer on the day.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Oh, suddenly an overactive saliva gland makes me Hitler, does it?

I said that in reference to your passion - which I think we'll all agree was that bounder's least offensive quality.

You realize that if Human Nature is cancelled out, then so is Sanctuary?

Good news for me!

Dude, one day, one day I might inflict on you the sight of my house.

My god, what devillish plans have you laid now?!?

I'm not the one who wrote two pages in DWM saying it was too difficult for legal reasons to tie in with the books and thus would be treated as uncanonical by everyone except hardcore fans prepared to work out how they fit into the new scheme of things, am I?

Mate, please, the point is made. I know the deal with the legal issues. If they just avoided direct references to the events in the novels then it wouldn't be any problem, but I understand with the type of storytelling RTD uses he just didn't see that as an option.

Sorry if I sound bitchy though, but we got the last of granddad's will sorted out, which has proved a bit of a downer on the day.

Ah, right. Understood.

I seem to have a knack for unleashing my 'jovially acting like a dick' humour on you on bad days...

Youth of Australia said...

I said that in reference to your passion - which I think we'll all agree was that bounder's least offensive quality.
I think that his paintings of roses are the least offensive. His passion tended to be either genocidal warfare or bestiality.

Good news for me!
See?

My god, what devillish plans have you laid now?!?
Absolutely none, as I even I think it's a bit extreme to drag you across Australia to show you a haunted house with no front fence and say, "I live here, doesn't it explain everything?"

Mate, please, the point is made.
I suppose that Gabriel Chase just brings out the worst in people.

But when I say RTD declares something non canon I am not, as many OGERs, saying "I do not like X and saying the boss agrees with me," I'm just stating a fact.

Ah, right. Understood.
I seem to have a knack for unleashing my 'jovially acting like a dick' humour on you on bad days...

On the bright side, it's a gague for telling if I've recovered my good humor...

Having glimpsed the second ep of Torchwood 2, I am disheartened to see the monologue at the beginning is back with lots of clips from series one shown at a speed to appeal to epileptics everywhere, but now it ends with "Torchwood IS ready"...

...

WHY THE HELL BRING THAT STUPID DIALOGUE BACK?! RTD even allowed the scene where the Doctor and Jack take the piss out of it onto the DVD, showing it to the whole world! I really don't think the Big Welshman is as in charge as he says he is...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

His passion tended to be either genocidal warfare or bestiality.

Bestiality?

*Blinks*

Have not heard that one.

But when I say RTD declares something non canon I am not, as many OGERs, saying "I do not like X and saying the boss agrees with me," I'm just stating a fact.

Yeah, I get that. And, of course, it's RTD's opinion that matters for the moment.

Until Gary Russell becomes producer...

Having glimpsed the second ep of Torchwood 2, I am disheartened to see the monologue at the beginning is back with lots of clips from series one shown at a speed to appeal to epileptics everywhere,

That is the fashion of the moment. My mate who fancies himself a director, in fact, thinks that the faster something is cut, the better. Each to their own.

but now it ends with "Torchwood IS ready"...

Yeah, well, are they gonna sit around, croying into their lattes... or are they gonna DO SUMFIN ABARHT IT?!?

I really don't think the Big Welshman is as in charge as he says he is...


RTD: Okay, now Daddy has to go to work down the hall writing the Christmas Special. What did I tell you?

CC: Tight fifty minute character drama, uses all the characters and builds the season arc convincing villain nothing tatty.

RTD: Good. And I want to see it when I come back next month, okay?

CC: (mumbling)

RTD: What's that?

CC: OKAY!

RTD: Right. Bye bye.

(RTD leaves. Beat.)

CC: He's gone!

(Helen Raynor, Toby Whithouse, and Paul Tomalin run in)

HR: OMG, I had the BEST IDEA - Dominatrix wants to take over the world!

CC: How many breasts?

TW: I bags seven!

PT: Purple skin!

TW: Oh, that is SO awesome!

CC: And Jack gets to shoot it!

HR: Aw, yeah, and they're be guts flying everyone and it's on the floor screaming "NO! NOOO!"

PT: All before the opening credits!

TW: Yeah... and then Ianto has sex with an octopus!

HR: GROSS!

CC: OH, I AM SO WRITING THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW!

(PJ Hammond and Noel Clarke watch on)

PJ: Bloody pathetic.

NC: So, let me guess.. you've just cahnged your mind and this year you WON'T be doing a script that doesn't involve changing the names on a Sapphire and Steel one?

PJ: Yes. I'll be out of here in five minutes.

(Noel holds out a hand. Sighing, PJ gives him a 20 pound note)

Youth of Australia said...

Bestiality?
*Blinks*
Have not heard that one.

What a sheltered life you lead.

It's widespread that Hitler was, ahem, "very kind to dogs".

Yeah, I get that. And, of course, it's RTD's opinion that matters for the moment.
Until Gary Russell becomes producer...

Ooooooooooh no...

That is the fashion of the moment. My mate who fancies himself a director, in fact, thinks that the faster something is cut, the better. Each to their own.
It doesn't work on me. I simply go, "Hey is the Pterodactyl in this series"? and miss the rest.

Yeah, well, are they gonna sit around, croying into their lattes... or are they gonna DO SUMFIN ABARHT IT?!?
Well... yes. This ep was very bleak, but no swearing, gratiutous violence or sex, and Ianto struts around showing off his personality and superiority complex.

These people actually seem like... (checks no one is looking) professionals!

I can find nothing wrong with it, and it once again renders Series One uncanonical, since they still have Janet the Weevil (who we saw vanish into the rift in EOD).

RTD: Okay, now Daddy has to go to work down the hall writing the Christmas Special. What did I tell you?
CC: Tight fifty minute character drama, uses all the characters and builds the season arc convincing villain nothing tatty.
RTD: Good. And I want to see it when I come back next month, okay?
CC: (mumbling)
RTD: What's that?
CC: OKAY!
RTD: Right. Bye bye.
(RTD leaves. Beat.)
CC: He's gone!

Well, CC seems to be listening this year...

(Helen Raynor, Toby Whithouse, and Paul Tomalin run in)
HR: OMG, I had the BEST IDEA - Dominatrix wants to take over the world!
CC: How many breasts?
TW: I bags seven!
PT: Purple skin!
TW: Oh, that is SO awesome!
CC: And Jack gets to shoot it!
HR: Aw, yeah, and they're be guts flying everyone and it's on the floor screaming "NO! NOOO!"
PT: All before the opening credits!
TW: Yeah... and then Ianto has sex with an octopus!
HR: GROSS!
CC: OH, I AM SO WRITING THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW!

Stop it, Jared, you're making too much sense!

(PJ Hammond and Noel Clarke watch on)
PJ: Bloody pathetic.
NC: So, let me guess.. you've just cahnged your mind and this year you WON'T be doing a script that doesn't involve changing the names on a Sapphire and Steel one?
PJ: Yes. I'll be out of here in five minutes.
(Noel holds out a hand. Sighing, PJ gives him a 20 pound note)

Seriously, I think you're contravening BBC policy by blabbing all these secrets...

But episode 2? Awesome. I couldn't rewrite it to make it better (unlike Cyberwoman, which I effortlessly came up with a completely new ending for just this morning).