Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Time Lord 2.0 - Not Now, But Soon!

It's Septemeber 11th. Time for something jolly and life affirming... oh, wait.
Dave: Ah. A prologue.
Andrew: Gracious, how could you possibly tell?
Nigel: Maybe it's the word "PROLOGUE" in large unfriendly letters.
Andrew: I detest these web-only versions. You know it's going to end up some optional extra on a DVD, like those ones from Asylum of the Daleks or The Snowmen even though it'll be vital to the ongoing plot. I mean would it kill them to show these on TV?
Dave: Tch. I'm amazed the whole thing isn't on iView like Sammy J and Randy.
Nigel: Did you watch that?
Andrew: Yeah. The first one. Sort of like Bottom meets Bogan Pride. With puppets.
Dave: In short, the bits without Sammy J were the best.
Nigel: So he's consistent if nothing else.
Andrew: I really liked Bogan Pride. Mind you, I'm a sucker for Rebel Wilson...

The planet... Karn.
D: And the drammatic pause was needed because...?
A: Ah, obviously Karn can only appear in these special minisodes.
N: So Kasteroborus is still there along with the other planets. Surprised the Doctor didn't spot that during his Chris Brown spousal abuse fit last year.

Ohila's still being a cow.
N: The wimple look doesn't suit her.
D: So we're saying the Sisterhood are righteous mystics instead of paranoid harridans? Really, why the Doctor would hang around these bitches escapes me. I'm surprised Ten didn't nuke it for his lap of honor - That's for Cass, bitches! And for inspiring Vengeance of Morbius!
A: "It saves time." And the first reused Press Gang joke of the year, people.

Someone has summoned the Doctor. Doctor's not interested. Cryptic comments abound.
D: So... they talking about the Master or Missy or Morbius or what?
A: They spend a whole year creating this angry misery guts Doctor and now he's just a whiny bitch getting bullied by Mitchell's dollybird. Come on, McGann had more balls than you! Did you castrate yourself one afternoon when there was nothing on TV? Come on, man up!
N: Hang on, does Ohila want him to do this or not?

The Doctor's embarking on a suicide mission.
D: Oh wow. Thrill. To be impressive then maybe you should have made a Doctor we'd care about dying. Who didn't have a full regeneration cycle ahead of him. At the start of a second series.
N: Moff's not going to do another Lake Silencio bollocks is he? IT DIDN'T WORK! No one will care! No one gives a crap about ongoing story arcs! No one!
A: Zactly. You could have got rid of all the Missy scenes last year and the two-parter would still have made sense. Just focus on individual stories for a change...
N: Oh god, now they're quoting Curse of Fatal Death! Bullshit! I mean, he expects Ohila to become Time's Nagging Granny or something? Give me strength!

The end.
D: Is that it? I mean... what? That's actually made care LESS about watching the next episode.
N: It wasn't two minutes and I was already bored!
D: Ooh, another nebulous enemy to face which will end in death! Boring! Man, if he'd been telling Ohila to sacrifice herself instead, I'd have been interested.
A: That wierd rock was the most fascinating part of the prologue.
N: Boring. Epic fail. 0/0!
A: Booo!
D: When's the next series of 2 Broke Girls starting?

No comments: