Sunday, September 28, 2014

Spara reviews The Caretaker!

Well, it had to happen - after five episodes of pass marks or higher, the Emperor Fishface has finally snapped and gone apeshit with more passion and eloquence than most of his fiction put together!

Last week's episode was very good, a decent sci fi story with a nice ethical twist. Felt a little like Torchwood. Then they go and follow it with shite like this. One minute they are trying to make the series 'darker' and the next its back to the relationship drama and mild threat aliens in school. And they go and schedule the least dark, most child-friendly episode in the latest slot....
 
1/10. Childish, wafer-thin plotted trash. Boring to watch. All of the characters acting like obnoxious children and writers believing (wrongly) that young people will identify with these 'real' characters. Where was it? Oh yes, a school, a robot, the robot gets shut off. Wow. Really intelligent... not. Boyfriend resents girl going off with the Doctor. Doctor a bit 'off' with boyfriend until he proves himself. Very similar stuff.  Its the same old song played on a different guitar. Soap rides again.
 
The episode was very badly conceived and realised. Who cares about Clara's two lives? What the viewers want is thrilling, intelligent sci fi that both kids and adults can enjoy. Putting aside the relationship drama, the sci fi elements in 'The Caretaker' were just crass. The robot felt bolted on to the plot not an integral part of it. Dreadful writing. All Gareth Roberts achieved with that episode is to prove what a poor, overrated, sub-season 17 writer he is. Some complain about my writing, but it does not revolve around the themes of rent boys, alcohol abuse and male rape to the exclusion of all else. I think you will find that my play "A Rose for Miss Farnley" reflects very accurately the character interplay within a typical suburban family in contemporary England, so I understand characterisation and relationships.

My point is that the plot of that episode was so thin it could have written itself. After the confusing and muddled pre-credits sequence it became a simplistic 'robot in a school' romp with emotional relationship pap thrown in. It was about 85% emotional relationship drama pitched at a female audience and about 15% wafer-thin sci fi tosh. Rubbish on both counts. I suggest anyone who thinks otherwise does some basic research and talk to people involved in making and marketing television. Anyone in the business will tell you that soap drama - which the relationships of a range of ordinary mundane characters are played out with overdone emotional scenes and sometimes sensationalist melodrama - is pitched at a predominantly female audience whereas Doctor Who should be pitched at 5- 105 year olds. This was like an episode of SJA, although crossed with 'Rose' and not in a good way. RTD turned it into a kids show!

The frightening bit? That was probably the best-written review on the forum, given others consisted of "totes emotes" or the phrase "I hate Danny Pink!" repeated 48 times in a single post.

Me? I loved it. ABSINTHE FOR EVERYBODY!

18 comments:

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


*Takes a shot*

Youth of Australia said...

*spits it out*

THIS IS SHIT!!!!

(oh, Rik, I still miss you)

Matthew Blanchette said...

I'm light-headed and groggy from a cold. Me needs rest.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


I used to feel sorry for the people who complained about 'emotional elements' or 'character drama' decrying it as 'soap opera.'

I just don't anymore, if they want to exist in a neat, emotionless little world, then good, go for it, you won't be having much fun.

Youth of Australia said...

Yes, as spara famously once said - "Happiness is immature! The last time I was happy was 1973 when I had a wank!"

Thanks for sharing, Mark.

I don't see the appeal of being "mature" if you're crippled into bitter paralysis and misery for the rest of your life. What's my motivation, exactly?

Which is why I prefer Deadpool to Wolverine - "Why don't you take everything seriously?" "Yeah, coz taking things seriously has made YOU a very rounded and happy individual, hasn't it?"

And I got a cold too, Matt. Which makes the overnight fifteen-degree increase heatwave twice as unwelcome.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


>I don't see the appeal of being "mature" if you're crippled into bitter paralysis and misery for the rest of your life. What's my motivation, exactly?<

Well, are you trying to get a job in politics?

Youth of Australia said...

No.

In Australia, the appeal of politics has dropped to the point the only thing less desirable would be to reveal you're a popular TV celebrity who is helping Operation Yewtree with their enquiries.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


As it should be.

Goddammit, Harris...

Youth of Australia said...

Yeah.

I mean, he wasn't actually a Jimmy Saville monster, I must stress. But his treatment of his jailbait girlfriends is not good for a guy who did anti-child-molestation vids.

As for Robert Hughs, well... he definitely DIDN'T get a fair trial. Maybe the prosecutor is actually Hughs from the future come to steal his future prestige?

Forgive the TOATL stuff. Just found out Lynda Bellingham, the Inquisitor, has decided to stop her chemotherapy and go out some time after Christmas.

And Evelyn Smythe's karked it.

This is a sad time.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I've been to the Absinthe bar in Sydney.

It's a nice night out but not for everybody..

Peter Q said...

Can I ask who Spara is and where he posts?

Youth of Australia said...

Yeah, he's Mark Goacher - an alcoholic, illiterate homosexual misogynist from Colchester who is infamous for his "women are just there to be raped", "non-Englanders are heathen scum" and "all chavs must die" philosophies.

He's got a blog somewhere and a forum but don't expect him to update it much, he prefers GB where he can upset and offend people with his poorly-written fics about Ben Chatham. When they DO involve the Doctor, he's usually raping Martha Jones for shits and giggles.

Youth of Australia said...

http://sparacus.freeforums.net/index.cgi

and

http://chathamben.blogspot.com.au/

Enjoy some likeminded sophistry!

Peter Q said...

You are a silly little boy. You openly liable someone online and you accuse me of sophistry!

Youth of Australia said...

It's "libel" not "liable" you illiterate scumbag.

Learn how to spell the English language if you're not too busy listening to the sound of your own ill-informed bigotry.

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, and you're welcome for providing links you were too bone-idle and stupid enough to google for yourself, you ungrateful empty-headed freeloader.

Ron Mallett said...

Picking up on spelling and grammatical errors is usually a sign of desperation and a lack of imagination. Peter also assures me that going on the words 'Spara' 'Forum' 'Doctor Who' and 'Review' that it was even more impossible to find than your blog on google. That's more a sign of a lack of empathy. So you're lacking imagination and empathy: not much of a human being are you?

Youth of Australia said...

I was asked for directions, I gave them. They were accurate. But do I get thanked for this? No, I get accused of lacking empathy, and the possible sexual abuse of a minor is treated as something for you to make cheap jokes about.

You find child molestation funny.

But I, apparently, lack empathy.

So, if I fail to fit your definition of a "human being" then it is the highest praise possible.