Sunday, May 5, 2013

Lucifer Rising

OK.

Lucifer, the plot. I'll go linear, since the book - like A Terrible Aspect - is split into four separate continuties.

Gauda Prime. Blake lies dead at Avon's feet, as do everyone else (but fear not, gentle reader, we never get reminded of their identities, they're just corpses to be dumped). As the Federation troopers close in... a bunch of dissheveled gun-totting nutters arrive, lead by a piss-poor Groucho Marx expy, chewing cigars and dispensing second-class witticisms. Groucho (or "Serge Collon" as he likes to be known, no doubt because he's full of shit) and army of inbred family members have arrived on GP to capture Blake and Avon, selling them to Servalan for the bounty. Of course, now Blake's dead, that plan is stuffed and Avon offers to buy Servalan out with some gold. Collon and his ramshackle team take Avon captive and flee GP at ludicrous speed... pausing only to dump the bodies of the Scorpio crew in a river, cause, shit, who cares about them, anyway?

Certainly not Avon, who is too busy indulging in beating up cripples - ala Man of Iron. In fairness, said cripple was having a go at him with a knife, but I wonder if Paul Darrow had a bad incident with some Little-Britain-style paraplegic and has never been the same since. No, wait it appears that wheelchair-bound Hector has some kind of history-blood-fued that invovles torture, betrayal and killing a woman. How novel. Turns out Hector was one of Sula's troopers in Rumors of Death, and he wasn't pleased when he found out who actually killed her... though how he found that out escapes me at present. Anyway, Collon's ship Miranda (named after his creepiest of goth daughters) is bushwhacked by a Federation cruiser NOT sent by Servalan to deal with any loose ends. Avon easily takes over Miranda, defeats the cruiser and they all high-tail it to the independant world of Gaius 6, ruled by a corrupt warlord called Rufus Pearl. Oh, he sounds butch!

Turns out that Pearl was the one who found out Blake was on GP, and saw Scorpio being shot down... somehow... and rang up President Servalan (the Commissioner Sleer thing seems to have been forgotten entirely) while sending Collon and his family there, knowing whatever happened he'd get a cash reward for capturing Blake and Avon. As you can imagine, this backstabbing doublecrossing bastard with delusions of grandeur is a positive goldmine for Avon - like Blackadder III getting a job as Prince George's butler - and he decides to make Pearl the most powerful warlord in the galaxy, fighting both Servalan and whoever it was who sent the cruiser. Never let it be said that Kerr Avon isn't goal-oriented. By my reckoning it's about four hours since "HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?!??" and he's conned an entirely new position in society (getting constant reminders about killing Anna, which never cheers him up). Still, if it's choice between this an Kaston "I'm a psychopath!" Iago, I know what I choose.

But Pearl is more than that camp name suggests. Not only is he on very good terms with Servalan, HE was the one who sent the attack cruiser! PLUS he is not even a human being, but one of the "Alien Greys", a highly-evolved race of mysterious origins who... well, if you've seen The X-Files, you're up to speed. The Greys come from Gaius 6, which means that this superior race in the universe includes Collon. So, not entirely the supreme being in the universe, methinks. Once Avon realizes he surrounded by Greys even stupider than Tarrant first thing on a Monday morning he... well, escapes with less effort than me typing this out. He steals the Miranda with its deadpan flight computer Swan, but doesn't kill anyone in the effort. Whether this is because he is a changed man after killing Blake, or because the Greys could not pose a threat to a dead wombat, remains to be seen.

(Note: he IS happy to shoot, maim, beat up and pistol-whip them. Just not kill them.)

Pearl finally returns home and discovers his moronic people have let Avon escape, alerted him to the scheme, steal one of their ships, kill his Federation agents, and all for an IOU of gold that Greys don't actually need. Pearl vents his frustration by machine-gunning Hector the cripple to death, then cuts the ear off Blake's corpse, shoots Blake's head to pieces, and skips away with a spring in his step before blowing up Gaius 6 and all the morons who live there. I know who Kaldor City writers will be rooting for for the rest of this story...

Avon meanwhile is getting used to Miranda, and the quirks of Swan who seems to be impersonating Zen, Orac and Slave for the lulz. It turns out that arrogant sonofabitch Dancer Collon is aboard the ship but, since he's lost absolutely everything in the last paragraph, sucks it up and agrees to be the replacement Tarrant in this new franchise. Returning to GP to collect Orac, they discover Pearl is waiting there with his Federation buds, so Avon tries the whole "crash into GP" plan that worked so well for Scorpio. Guess what happens this time.

Pearl finds Avon chilling out in the woods, believing he is alone and Miranda is a wreck - both aren't true. With mock politeness they start haggling for Orac, and Pearl whines that Avon has single-handedly fucked up Pearl's scheme for universal domination in less than an hour without even know he was doing it. Avon replies, "You'll get over it," and immediately... an army of Federation-era Triads, lead by a Cantonese bloke called Li Kang arrive, sent by Servalan to collect Avon. Coz she's not as dumb as Pearl assumed. Pearl storms off in a huff for, even in the New Calendar of the Terran Federation, "the Chinese are not to be underestimated."

Li Kang decides to dump Avon and Dancer on Gaius 7 - that's the "floating island" on the cover, apparently unaffected in any way by the neighboring planet exploding - where he can mingle with the criminal elements. Li Kang will tell the Federation Avon is dead, thus weakening the position of Servalan and the other powers there. Pretty much the moment they leave the ship, they are attacked by nutters with crossbows. Not that Avon is willing to put up with this shit any more. Of course, the first female criminal he beats the shit out of will end up being his love interest - this IS Blake's 7.

Cut to twenty years in the future.

It seems that the Federation tried to take over the border systems in Warlord, and the rebel alliance fought back and all but destroyed the empire. The new Federation that emerges from the chaos is run by the Quartet, a gang of four shadowy bastards - the evil lady scientist and Servalan's BFF, Dr. Pandora Ess, who runs the banks with the evil economist and homosexual Professor Claude Witt; and Gregor Steiner and Rafael de Horn, who run the military police force known as the Iron Guards (which seems to be different to the Iron Guard singular - it's the whole Union Jack/Flag thing all over again). The Quartet collect the survivors of the old regime and, for a price, put them into protective custody on the moon which is renamed "Hebe" for some reason. The Quartet then decide to base themselves in, er, the Base - a bizarrely-named warship that patrols the edge of Federation space.

The Base has its own problems; its stupidly-named scoutship Icarus has crashed on Gaius 7 (can you see where this is going?) and its crew, fatally distracted by Dancer doing naked gymnastics, have been killed the moment they stepped out of the ship. The recovery ship Plough arrives, shoots Dancer and napalms the surrounding countryside in retaliation. I love the smell of napalm on a Mormon, don't you?

When the smoke clears, Avon and his squeeze Magda emerge from hiding, having put a bomb on the Icarus which they intend to detonate once it re-docks with the Base. Meanwhile, Dr. Ess has arrived to inspect the place. If she's creeped out by the decadent orgiastic sex used as social control and the army of deaf-dumb-eunuchs, then she hides it very well. Dr. Ess and Commandant Gabriella (daughter of a bloke called Travis! Could that be important?!?) are also BFFs and are just about to do a deal when the Icarus blows up. All the evidence is that Avon is alive, on Gaius 7 and with bombs, so Dr. Ess leaves suggesting they recruit him.

Yes, the Apocalypse Now vibe continues. Gabriella sends a squad into the jungle to capture Avon, who has spent the last twenty years strapping bombs to things for just this sort of occasion. He's going for "the wow factor", apparently. Meanwhile, like his father before him, Avon has to live with his mother-in-common-law, Magda's mum Cassandra and, like Avon's grandmother, is a beacon of sanity and common sense in a world from the mind of the chik-chik-boom girl from Channel 9. Quite simply, Cassandra knows that even IF Avon doesn't go batshit insane and murder Magda, she'll just end up like all the unnamed comrades who perished alongside him. But Magda, like Avon's mother, is too in love to give a crap. Actually, I dunno if this is deliberately meant to evoke history repeating or, like Terry Nation, Darrow is deliberately recycling his own stuff and hoping no one notices. I hope it's the former, because it's the only thing stopping this sequence being so thin it collapses in on its own lack of gravity.

What's DEFINITELY deliberate is when Gabriella's forces catch up with Avon they gasp, "You're him, aren't you?!?" and if I need to explain that reference, you are clearly not the expected audience of this blog. After finding out what happned in the 20 years of backstory, Avon and Magda go on a generally nasty killing spree - slaughtering even non-combatants, so Avon's definitely got over his "compassion" after he killed Blake (an event he shows absolutely no guilt, shame or even interest it, BTW - "If I hadn't killed him, someone else would have...").

Since it's only a matter of time before Servalan hears he's alive and comes to torture the location of Orac out of him - Orac, btw, stands for Original Random Advanced Computer, we really needed that factoid - Avon determines to find the fishtank of knowledge first! Once he has access to a shuttle, Avon intends off alone, leaving Magda behind for her own safety. Of course, given that Gaius 7 is on a collision course with a nearby sun, "safety" is a rather relative term.

Meanwhile, on Iphegnia (a hitherto unmentioned paradise planet in the Solar System hidden from Earth) the Quartet are doing their evil work. Like gardening. And reading the Financial Times. And arguing about the benefits of vegetarianism. Yes, this shadowy council for interplanetary progress are nothing more than the cast for The Last of the Summer Wine, living boring and uncomplicated lives except more eunuchs being tortured instead of riding bathtubs down hills. Talk about the banality of evil! The Quartet make the Young Ones look like the cast of Watchmen in terms of badassary and widespread impact! Do these idiots actually rule the universe or are they like that senile dictator who just got TOLD he was in charge to keep him happy?

In fact, it seems the Quartet needs a spring-clean and Dr. Ess wants the new gang to consist of General Li Lim of the Chinese Empire that runs what's left of Earth; Gabriella herself (on the condition she becomes Lim's fuckbuddy); and, of course Servalan. Who gets Gabriella onside by revealing that... AVON KILLED HER FATHER! DU-DU-ANNNHHH!!! And then they blow up Li Lim and his spaceship. For the evulz, obviously.

So, by now, not only is Gabriella out for blood but so is everyone else on the Base - as they all seem to be related, Avon's killing spree means he has hundred of people swearing vengeance. Sheesh. The guy never learns. As the Earth plunges into revolution yet again, Servalan becomes more determined than ever to get that little Original Random Advanced Computer! Especially as the rest of the Quartet, eager not to lose their cross-stitching and flower arranging of ultimate power, have turned against her.

Meanwhile, some other Cantonese bloke called Fu Ti arrives on Gaius 7 to meet Avon - Fu Ti served with Li Kang and the others what dumped him here in the first place. Having killed Li Lim has meant that the Chinese have turned against Servalan, so Fu Ti gives Avon a rocket launcher to blow up Gabrielle's troops when they come knocking. Why Avon wants to hang around on Gaius 7 nuking opponents when he's going on and on about how he really should go and collect Orac, well, it escapes me.

Servalan decides to chat with the natives - ala Sherrif Vasey of Notthingham - and have them turn on Avon, but it turns out that Cassandra was actually BFFs with Avalon, remember her? No? Oh, never mind, she's dead now anyway, and who cares about her? The bad guys head off into the jungle where Avon effortlessly Die Hards them all to death. (Guy to Servalan: "Is it him?" Avon shoots guy. Servalan: "It's him.") An ominous thunderstorm begins, and that non-waterproof rocket launcher proves useless! Stupid Chinese shit, it never works!

Servalan confronts Avon.

They have a traditional flirty confontation.

Then Madga turns up out of nowhere and shoots the Bitch in White through the spine with a crossbow.

Avon heads off alone while the rest of Gabriella's forces decide they've had enough of this shit and leg it. The Quartet abandon their efforts to track Avon and instead focus all their efforts trying to fight the Asian Menace that now rules Earth. Meanwhile, Avon finally recovers Orac (played by Graham Norton as himself, it seems) who basically shouts, "You took your time, you bastard?!?" and reveals that the Asians have bugged his stolen ship, so, yeah, he's pretty much screwed. Damn those Oriental bastards.

The End.

Depressingly, Servalan is better characterized than Avon, and the entire plot basically consists of Paul Darrow in a jungle, shooting people. Who gives a crap? Where is the new generation of freedom fighters? Avon's early pitch at running Pearl's regime is as easily fogotten as Pearl himself. What's this crap about aliens running mankind? Why hasn't Orac been found in twenty years, given he was hidden just outside Blake's base on a planet about to be redeveloped? Why do Cassandra and Magda choose to stay on a planet going to burn to ashes?

...

...

...no.

No fist, I'm afraid.

No fist at all.

16 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I have to say, I came with to the news that Paul Darrow was unleashing another egomaniacal chronicle of Avon killing everything with a completely selfish concern - did it undermine my argument to Alan Stevens that Darrow got the character more than KC did?

On the surface I thought - fuck, it does. Then I realised, not quite. From your description it sounds like Avon kills people to prove he's king alpha male of the universe - which is what I argued his 'next please' moment was basically about. Stevens seemed to think Avon was jizzing his pants everytime he killed somebody which is a subtle difference.

It sounds really bad. I thought Avon: A Terrible Aspect at least sounded good from a synopsis read. But this? Actually, I struggled to follow the plot from your review - I don't think it's a reflection at all on your writing, just the fact that there seems to be a massive number of characters contributing little before expiring.

The other problem I guess would be an absence (that I could see) of a proper over-arching plot or even theme. And then the world-building seems ridiculous. The Chinese are the villains? In Blakes Fucking Seven? Didn't the Federation rise from the ashes of a nuclear war that destroyed the last vestiges of nationhood?

(Okay, not explicitly but for Christ sakes they live in domes, are taught never to go outside and ingest ultra-processed everything and no national bodies are ever mentioned - it's at least FANon)

I described the book briefly to mum from the review and she just shrugged and said "What did they expect if they hired an actor to write it?" And it's a fair point.

The good news is there's so many post-GP stories (isn't this even the third 'official' post-GP story?) now it's basically lost in the great sea of fanfic anyway...

Youth of Australia said...

Shit stupid blogger takes ages to let me reply.

So, the points are

- Avon is shown to "happily" live in a rural farming community for twenty years, not killing anyone, nor strutting around looking for people to boast he's a psychopath. His killing spree occurs when they send in the troops to get him, and since he is trying to escape a doomed planet, his survival is at stake. He is shown to spare anyone who isn't a threat to him, from his new girlfriend, her mum, Dancer... the only psychopathy is his complete lack of concern for what happened on GP.

- as a book, it's not bad, but from what I understand, Darrow has expanded the TV movie into three books. On TV this probably would have been like Rory taking on the Cybermen and just have Avon escape Gaius in a pre-credits sequence. Turning it into a full narrative, well, that don't work.

- The Chinese... well, in fairness, they're portrayed as honorable, sensible and not slant-eyed bat-shit Fu Manchus. As for the wierd politics, it IS in keeping with A Terrible Aspect and it IS said that the Federation has fallen and all sorts of different factions have taken over.

As for nationhood, I dunno, maybe they come from a planet of Chinamen, like Atlan coming from a planet of gay mexicans or Tarvin and the Amagons from a planet of evil Arabs...

The thing is, if this were some dime-store sci-fi thriller, I'd be much more forgiving. But this is supposed to be Blake's 7, written by someone who has no excuse to screw it up. (The main reason Terrible Aspect ruins continuity is it was written BEFORE Rumors of Death was, hence the contradictions).

I wanted this to be good.

Fuck knows I did.

Anyway, delighted to hear from you - things have been so quiet of late, I was getting convinced everyone had done a Chris Hale and started blanking me. So, that'll keep the nervous breakdown back for another week.

I hope you like the Cybermen tomorrow.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Avon is shown to "happily" live in a rural farming community for twenty years, not killing anyone, nor strutting around looking for people to boast he's a psychopath

Oh okay. Lots of pressing business to stop him from making sure Orac is safe, then?

As for nationhood, I dunno, maybe they come from a planet of Chinamen, like Atlan coming from a planet of gay mexicans or Tarvin and the Amagons from a planet of evil Arabs...

I guess it is fair enough if it can be worked around that way..

The thing is, if this were some dime-store sci-fi thriller, I'd be much more forgiving. But this is supposed to be Blake's 7, written by someone who has no excuse to screw it up.

To be fair, B7 seems to be tricky for a lot of people to write. Even me given how poorly my BF contest entry turned out...

Anyway, delighted to hear from you - things have been so quiet of late, I was getting convinced everyone had done a Chris Hale and started blanking me. So, that'll keep the nervous breakdown back for another week.

Sorry to hear that. I've been busy with work as usual. I've been meaning to meet up some time soon-ish but it's waiting on me actually moving down to [North] Sydney and it's a bit of a hassle atm.

I hope you like the Cybermen tomorrow.

Well... so do I. I mean, it would be great but I'm not too hopeful. I don't want to be a Negative Nelly but... I really haven't enjoyed the back half of this season. To a massive extent. Well, post-Bells of St John..

I've written snatches of reviews. I think I'll do a write up of this season. Get something on my blog at least..

Youth of Australia said...

Oh okay. Lots of pressing business to stop him from making sure Orac is safe, then?
He's marooned on the planet for 20 years, so yeah. Though once the bad guys arrive, he DOES turn down an offer to leave so he can use a rocket launcher.

I guess it is fair enough if it can be worked around that way..
A lot of Darrow's stuff about B7 is frustratingly close to right, except they use the wrong names and bizarre gothic rituals. I mean, in ATA, the Federation are on constant lookout for an Andromedan attack. But they're a bunch of drunken courtisans in Lupus Castle talking about "Aliens from the Great Beyond The Solar System".

To be fair, B7 seems to be tricky for a lot of people to write. Even me given how poorly my BF contest entry turned out...
Well, maybe, but even fanfic.net have a higher standard than this.

Sorry to hear that. I've been busy with work as usual. I've been meaning to meet up some time soon-ish but it's waiting on me actually moving down to [North] Sydney and it's a bit of a hassle atm.
Well, good luck.

Well... so do I. I mean, it would be great but I'm not too hopeful. I don't want to be a Negative Nelly but... I really haven't enjoyed the back half of this season. To a massive extent. Well, post-Bells of St John..
...actually me neither. But I've been affected by two things

a) the death of a close friend (which would kind of put a pall over things)
b) two Mark Gatiss episodes

So, I haven't been willing to pin my thoughts down. Though Cold War was better than I expected, Crimson Horror not as bad as I feared, the "proper" episodes left me feeling a bit left out.

I mean, I'm sure "Rings of Akhaten" happened, much better, in Farscape, but I can't work out the details. And "Hide", shee-it, it was like someone lost a bet and tried to do one of sparacus' pitches...

I've written snatches of reviews. I think I'll do a write up of this season. Get something on my blog at least..
Sad to say, the "worth the wait" is starting to be overtaxed.

In better news, I've heard the latest B7 audios from BF, and quite good. One can be summed up with...

CALLY: So, Travis, is it that you had your heart broken and became callous and cynical from a formally idealistic and heroic young man?
TRAVIS: ...fuck no! I'm a complete sadistic mofo! Aren't you paying attention? Don't try and romanticize me, bitch, I'M EVIL!!!
CALLY: Meh. Guess it was a vain hope.

...in a good way, kinda like "Davros".

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

He's marooned on the planet for 20 years, so yeah.

Ah. I did mention it was a little hard to follow, right?

A lot of Darrow's stuff about B7 is frustratingly close to right, except they use the wrong names and bizarre gothic rituals. I mean, in ATA, the Federation are on constant lookout for an Andromedan attack. But they're a bunch of drunken courtisans in Lupus Castle talking about "Aliens from the Great Beyond The Solar System".

...Lupus Castle?

a) the death of a close friend (which would kind of put a pall over things)

I'm sorry to hear that.

b) two Mark Gatiss episodes

Lol. I actually thought Mark was nearly a highlight of the series so far. Not so much because his scripts have been good (actually they haven't) but they've been better than the ones around them.

And "Hide", shee-it, it was like someone lost a bet and tried to do one of sparacus' pitches...

I know right?? When he pulled out the fucking Metebelean crystal I was like "Hey! They were all destroyed and- oh my god, I've been here before..."

Sad to say, the "worth the wait" is starting to be overtaxed.

Wait, is that referring to me or Moffat?

In better news, I've heard the latest B7 audios from BF, and quite good. One can be summed up with...

Reminds me a lot of Jeltz in HHGTTG...

Youth of Australia said...

Ah. I did mention it was a little hard to follow, right?
I think I overcompensated for how little was actually in the novel.

...Lupus Castle?
Yeah. Apparently, the founding families of the Federation ruled the Earth from a castle full of stolen Nazi artwork.

It would only take five seconds to turn that into something more sensible - like, Residence One that Servalan owns, with pre-atomic banned artwork or something...

I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah. Thanks.

Lol. I actually thought Mark was nearly a highlight of the series so far. Not so much because his scripts have been good (actually they haven't) but they've been better than the ones around them.
They are, without doubt, his best work since Eccleston. They also didn't go off the rails like the others - suddenly there are evil planets, love-lorn time monsters oh, and a guy so dumb he thinks he's a robot...

I know right?? When he pulled out the fucking Metebelean crystal I was like "Hey! They were all destroyed and- oh my god, I've been here before..."
I could smell the absinthe!

Speaking of the emperor, he has decided to boycott the new series due to the reduced number of episodes.

...wtf?!

Wait, is that referring to me or Moffat?
I was referring to your blogposts, but to be fair to Moff, the delay wasn't his intention.

Reminds me a lot of Jeltz in HHGTTG...
Suppose so. It's just a relief that Travis finds the idea of him being a fluffy puppy person turned bad by outside forces bullshit and says so...

Good for him.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...



Hmm, maybe I won't get this straight away.

The best way to separate Paul Darrow from Alan Stevens in terms of writing quality is to ask... does Paul Darrow have a fat character who exists purely to be fat and hated be everybody?

Youth of Australia said...

No. He doesn't.

There are also numerous characters who AREN'T psychopathic nutbags, but perfectly nice - if irritating - civilians who Avon has no desire to slaughter for breathing in his presence.

See, it's NOT a bad book.

It's just atrocious B7.

(But, as apparently it is part of a trilogy, maybe it'll balance itself out.)

So, yeah, I might buy it - but at the moment, Afterlife is a better canonical continuation.

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


I always liked 'Afterlife', I would have really liked to have seen 'State of Mind', it could have been interesting. Sure, the only real issue I have is Tarrant turning up just to die for no apparent reason.

Youth of Australia said...

Yes... the thing is

a) it's not actually stated that he's dead, just that he's attacked by links and Vila does not rescue him
b) he is completely and credibly in character.

That's the amazing thing about Afterlife, it's a novelization of a deranged plot done with skill. Like me trying to make sense of The Idiot's (spit) Lantern.

Yeah, Avon turning Terminal into his own private ship is retarded, but I can't imagine it done better and more realistically than in the book.

Oh, State of MIND.

I wish he would have told us what happened...

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


Plus Avon's searching for an answer behind his actions and then the revelation that his entire life has been influenced by someone else has more power than 'Logic of Empire', which... kinda does the same thing, but since Avon doesn't really seem to care about anything in that play, there's no driving narrative force.

I think, that might be my problem with Alan Stevens, his characters have no real emotional depth, they're all pseudo-intellectuals who operation under this cloud of intelligent rationality.

Youth of Australia said...

At the end of Afterlife, it's clear Avon's suspected the truth all along, and has been lulling Tor into a false sense of security.

At the end of Logic of Empire...

1) Roj Blake is still legendary, but no one notices he looks just like Kerr Avon
2) Despite Dorian's Basement rendering Avon nigh on immortal and indestructible, it somehow doesn't remove a mindwipe (when Dorian said it healed the mind as well as the body)
4) Servalan gives a rat's arse about the future of the Federation after her own lifetime, and is willing to create her own enemies instead of... you know... not killing the ones she already has
5) The ultimate statement that not only was the entire series of B7 a complete waste of time and free will is an illusion, but that humanity itself is, inherently worthless.

B7 written by an Emo, ladies and gentlemen.


Miles Reid-Lobatto said...


Yes, but it's so mature and adult... like Kald...pfft.... Like Kaldo...pftishhahahahhahahah... no, sorry, couldn't fake it. Not even for type-text.

Youth of Australia said...

Like that overpriced spin-off that Big Finish and by definition NuWho totally disown, the one even Chris Boucher puts down as "I was young and needed the money"?

Miles Reid-Lobatto said...

Better than my title of 'Overly pretentious, but not really as intelligent as it really thinks it is for the most part' City

Youth of Australia said...

Well, I came up with

"A Dark, Gripping, Complex, Sinister, Aggressive, Ultraviolent, Mindbendingly Apocalyptic Tale of Power, Sex, Money, Subterfuge, Corruption, Revelation, Discovery, Death, Transformation, Media Manipulation, Political Intrigue and Awakening Evil"

when I was spoofing it.

All those are from the backs of the genuine CDs. As if I could be that pretentious unaided