Saturday, August 11, 2012

Raving Lunatic Of The Year 2012 Reprised

As a blog owner myself, I know the frustrating feeling one has of weightless digitial real estate going to waste. The urge to blog can almost replace the need to think at times, and starting off a blog simply to slag off an individual (or an entire subcultural phenomenon like Ben Chatham) feels monumentally petty - especially if there's only one actual entry on the blog. This is why Noryk Ttellam, proud owner of Noryk's Blog of the Specifically Relevant - aka - the Maturity of Australia - has decided such burning originality cannot be allowed to stagnate. A mere five months after the first post, a new entry has been put up for the benefits of the world.

Tragically, however, it seems that Noryk's freedom of speech has been compromised by a nefarious and sinister force against which he is borderline powerless. What dark malevolence could possibly overshadow the power and the passion of an intellectual powerhouse like Noryk? I refer to this entity, for the terms of clarity, as the Wife of Noryk (cue thunder and lightning).

The Wife of Noryk was displeased with what it saw and ravaged the blog like Typhoid Mary on a double date with Charlie Sheen. Nothing was spared. Look at how Noryk's blogger prolife went from

43 years + 21 years of marriage + three degrees + 2 children = me.


The less you know the better...!

practically overnight!

Oh, gentle kinsmen, if only it ended there!

The actual text of the mighty post The Generation X Manifesto (known in some uncouth circles as A Note to Baby Boomers, Generation Y and Generation I) was also corrupted to an unnaceptable degree! Like Stalin, Hilter and Murdoch, the foundations of human history are being turned into pro-regime propaganda at the whim of the unspeakable forces operating behind the scenes that not even Noryk can resist.

Take this example of his well-balanced and informative analysis of generational interrelationships:

You aren't our generation. I already had a degree and was fucking my wife everynight before any of you reached your teens.

In this papered-over, revisionist version?

You aren't our generation. I personally already had a degree and was married before the oldest of you even reached your teens. So sit down, shut up and listen.

And even Noryk's desperate morale-booster to those "unkindly referred to as Generation Z" is corrupted!

Don't worry guys, by the time you all finish growing up, the Boomers will be mostly all dribbling in a home and we will have things in good order. We'll take care of generation 'why' for you. Count on it.

This message of hope, glory and jingoistic self-aggrandisement is distorted to an unheard of degree!

Don't worry guys, by the time you all finish growing up, the Boomers will be mostly all dribbling in a home and we'll have generation 'why' whipped into shape.
Oh, the shame and ignomy, seeing a once-gigantic powerhouse of reason and passion reduced to a fawning troglodyte of cowardice and appeasement! I blame the wife! Never let your wife read what you blog to insult everyone you know - oh, how often have we made that mistake!

At least Noryk maintains his personal standard, smuggling out this nugget of wisdom for all those born between 1980 and 1995 (which, charmingly, includes his own children).

The new Doctor Who series was shit specifically because of you. It was thought that you did not have a sufficient attention span to handle both special effects and plot.

Noryk, we salute thee!


Miles Reid said...

We can't deal with Special Effects and plot?

But aren't we actually living the golden age of fantastic telly right now?

Life on Mars/ Ashes to Ashes
Lost (fine, the show was flawed,
Game of Thrones
The Sopranos
Nu-Battlestar Galactica

Go back another ten years and we had Babylon 5.

Hell, Battlestar Galactica itself is proof of how much television has evolved and changed in the last thirty plus years. The original Battlestar Galactica is a cheesy Star Wars Rip Off with a good deal of Morman mythology thrown in and an overused abundence of five minutes of stock minute. All swashbuckling and derring do, but nothing really that fun.

The new Battlestar Galactica... well... it's possibly one of the best things to come out of TV in the last decade. Clever, intelligent, allegorical and I'm not even really a huge, die-hard fan.

Oh, and Firefly... maybe... if you catch me on a good day.

Youth of Australia said...

Well, remember that Noryk is a psycho nostalgia freak who hates... well, pretty much everything, as can be demonstrated by his horrifically secular fan forum where Gabriel Chase is worshipped like Bhudda itself.

And that speaks for itself

Miles Reid said...

That's true... Hey, don't get me wrong, I like a bit of nostalgia as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day, it's like what Bruce Lee said in 'Enter the Dragon.'

'It is like a finger pointing at the moon. If you concentrate on the finger, you miss all the heavenly glory.'

Youth of Australia said...

Hmmm? Sorry, I was distracted by that finger. So pointy...

Miles Reid said...

You can stop staring at my finger? It makes administering your piles medication very difficult.

Youth of Australia said...

...but I only came in here for an oil change...

Miles Reid said...

Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka

Youth of Australia said...

Pah! ANYONE can say that and win an argument!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I think I've exhausted everything I have to say about Dr Anagram Mallet at this stage. But it IS quite funny he's had to drop the "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW OFTEN I FUCK MY WIFE!" stuff...

Well, also I don't get why he should hate the next generation so much when he keeps saying that his life is so much better than anyones who was born twenty years later...

Youth of Australia said...

I now have the mental image of Pizza Supreme and Noryk shouting at each other.



(Passing by, Tom Baker shouts "RHUBARB!" for no real reason.)