Friday, May 16, 2008

For Fuck's Sake Gabriel Chase 2008!!

Yes, our favorite sociopathic eccentric oddball has AGAIN updated his fevered rantings - BEFORE Season Four is over! I wonder why?

More than fifteen years after the original series expired, and nearly nine after the abortive plan to conquer America, Doctor Who returned to British television via the BBC's Cardiff studio amidst a hail of publicity.
Aw. He's being reasonable!

However, any traditionalists expecting a revival of the familiar format were in for a shock.
Uh... how many traditionalists HONESTLY expected it to be identical to the old format?

Seriously, I cannot remember a single person expecting that.

The version of Doctor Who brought to the screens by writer Russell T.Davies, whose previous British sci-fi offering had been the six-part children's serial Dark Season in 1991,
Ahem. AND Century Falls.

was as different from the original as could be imagined.
Police Box, Daleks, Cyberman, Sontarans, Time Lord, cliffhangers, companions, historicals, future stories, UNIT, comedies...

Very much a child of its time, Davies' Who was a slick, fast-paced visual spectacular, relying more on extravagent special effects and celebrity guest stars than plot content.
This would REALLY hold more weight if you had actually WATCHED an episode, GC.

In place of a series of stories broken down into twenty-five minute episodes was a collection of forty-five minute installments, most self-contained, some forming halves of longer narratives.
Like Season 22. So even traditionalists could cope with that.

The style of the new series was based very much upon that developed in the series of original novels published by Virgin and BBC Books, which had managed to alienate most of the show's traditional fans but found favour with a host of new devotees grounded in over-elaborate American sci-fi serials, whilst the visual side owed much to the American pilot, in particular the design of the Tardis interior (also reminiscent of the Tardis seen in the Sixties' films - the doors being visible from the inside for instance), the opening titles and music, and the overall dark, brooding atmosphere.
Fuck, that is a long sentence. If the books were so unenjoyable, how come they lasted for fifteen years? And you cannot even realize that TARDIS is an acronym, therefore capitals? And dark, brooding atmosphere... did you miss Season 12-14? Or 22? 25-26? Most Hartnells? Give me a break...

Playing the part of a newly-regenerated Doctor in the first series was Christopher Eccleston, whose character was portrayed in a style reminsicent of Colin Baker's portrayal during the "Mindwarp" section of The Trial of a Time Lord, being frequently arrogant, sometimes condescending, often cowardly, and strangely reluctant to commit himself to resolving crises.
Sorry, shouldn't that just be "Colin Baker's portrayal" if you're going to be THAT superficial? Why single out "Mindwarp"? The story when the whole point is that even the SIXTH Doctor doesn't act like that?

Accompanying Eccleston was pop-starlet and gossip-column regular Billie Piper as London shopgirl Rose Tyler.
Stay calm. Don't kill him.

Typical of the times was the writers' rather annoying habit of turning every drama production into a soap,
I honestly am baffled why you have a link from that word saying Pamper yourself with our all natural soap, sugar scrubs, and herbal balms. Our body friendly natural bath products will promote healthy skin starting the very first day you try our products.

I mean... it's hardly helping your argument is it?

leading to Rose's mother and boyfriend appearing in practically every episode,
Out of the series' first thirteen episodes, they appeared in six episodes. So that's seven without. In the second series they appeared in seven episodes. With seven without. Does "practically" mean "not nearly"?

whilst even her supposedly deceased father appeared twice.
Three times, but why let facts get in the way.

Nevertheless, the new series was an immediate hit with the "Harry Potter" generation of under-twelves and twenty-somethings (most of whom didn't know any better!), despite provoking only lukewarm responses from the likes of former Doctor Peter Davison and former script editor Chris Bidmead.
Except Peter Davison appears in it and publically supports the show and the lead. You keep skipping that bit, don't you? The fact all the living Doctors thought the show was great is avoided as well, I note.

Eccleston bowed out at the end of the first series, "to avoid being typecast", to be replaced in a hurridly rewritten final episode

by David Tennant who, like Eccleston and many of the production team, was a member of Davies' unofficial entourage of favoured actors and technical staff.
You're not paranoid, are you GC? The fact Tennant was a lifelong fan of the show with a CV to prove it means nothing. HE WAS A GROUPIE!!

Tennant made his official debut in an hour long Christmas special, which more than anything underlined the difference between 1960s' TV and its 21st Century counterpart.
It was in colour. And had monsters. And actually was watched. And there was the concept of regeneration. And UNIT. And forty-years of social and technological development. Is that what you're saying, GC?

Back in 1965, a Doctor Who "Christmas Special" (the Feast of Steven episode of The Dalek Masterplan) was more an accident of scheduling than a positive decision to celebrate the Festive Season.
Then why did the first draft have the Christmas special written in?

Forty years later Christmas specials were a necessary obligation of every serial screened by the BBC.
No. They're not.

A second series followed in Easter 2006 with Piper departing for fresh projects at the conclusion of an explosive finale involving Daleks and Cybermen, both of which had been revived with an eye on the lucrative toy market.
Cause no one ever thought of toy markets since, ooh, 1964? Does "Dalekmania" ring a bell, shithead?

Also revived was the character of Sarah-Jane Smith, played as ever by Elisabeth Sladen and accompanied by the John Leeson-voiced K9, both of whom were central to a Davies-penned spin-off series for the junior TV market.
Yes! Vile, disgusting commercialism perpetrated by that sexual deviant! Not a bit like the wholesome K9 and Company, a brilliant masterstroke by that butch hetero JNT... the fact Davies only script-edited one episode and didn't write for any of them is similarly ignored. I mean, it's not hard to check wikipedia to find the facts, is it?

Also spun-off was Torchwood, a more adult-orientated sci-fi series based in Cardiff and featuring the character of Captain Jack Harkness from the latter half of the first series.
Come on, you had a free shot there! Tear them to shreds, I won't stop you!

Replacing Piper temporarily in a second Christmas special was Donna Noble, played by the Trendies' favourite BBC comedienne, Catherine Tate, who, thankfully, desisted from using any of the monotonous catchphrases from her trendy (and relatively unfunny) BBC3 sketch show,
GC is clearly a deciple of Donna. She's got more kudos than the rest of the series put together.

before making way for the more permanent medical student Martha Jones, played by Freema Agyeman, in series three.
Who wasn't really BLACK! Oh, wait, you edited that out? Did you? Naughty boy!

Like Rose, Martha had most of her family featured on a regular basis as the show proved seemingly reluctant to stray too far from Earth or its parallel-universe analogue.
Wait. Three episodes were on the parallel universe, and just in the second series. That's about as reluctant as you can get. And there are at least fourteen stories set off Earth, and half a dozen set on alien planets! Still, at least you aren't saying Rose is stuck on New Earth any more...

Series three also featured the return of another old foe in the form of the Master, played by a John Simm fresh from the triumph that was Life On Mars.
No bitching about the beard? Or dissing Derek Jacobi? You don't complain at all!

Martha (and Agyeman) was farmed out to Torchwood at the end of the third series to make way for Donna Noble's return as a permanent fixture
Sigh. Why do I bother.

- presumably because Catherine Tate was worth more gossip column inches than Agyeman -
So why didn't they keep her for season three, fuckwit?

inbetween which pop princess and former Australian soap star Kylie Minogue
Why the link? Seriously?

starred in the third Christmas extravaganza.
Fourth. Remember?

Having outraged traditionalists in series three with the portrayal of a Dalek with a personality striving to become a human being - which is rather like a modern human attempting to regress to becoming the Missing Link between humans and apes
What a brilliant idea for a story!! And "outraged traditionalists"? WHAT? "Annoyed YOU" is what you mean. Find a review of Daleks in Manhattan slagging it off. Easy. Finding one saying "Daleks becoming human? RTD must DIE!" is a lot harder.

- series four provided fresh controversy in featuring the Doctor's daughter, played by Peter Davison's actress daughter Georgina Moffatt (Dariel Pertwee presumably being otherwise engaged or not thought to be high-profile enough).
...who? Dunno why you complain about that?

Whilst Susan had referred to the Doctor in the original series as her grandfather, it had never been established whether this was a biological fact or merely a term of endearment, with many fans leaning towards the latter.
No, they didn't...

This highlighted the cut-and-dried stance of the new series, where everything had to be explained in simple terms, every fact had to be documented, cross-referenced and adhered to, and nothing was left to the individual viewer or writer's imagination.
HAHAHAHH! Oh, man, you really HAVEN'T watched the new series! And you haven't watched The Doctor's Daughter either...

In addition to this, series four witnessed the return of the Sontarans, now resembling a cross between the Vogons from the TV adaptation of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy and former EastEnders psycho Ross Kemp,
I don't disagree... but surely that's what they're SUPPOSED to look like?

as well as cameo returns for Freema Agyeman's Martha Jones and Billie Piper's Rose Tyler. With the show forced to take time-out in 2009 to allow David Tennant to appear in a theatrical run of Macbeth, it remains to be seen if it will return for a fifth series.
HURRAH! He finally noticed it will be shown in 2009!

All we need now is for him to realize that the fifth series has been commissioned! It was comissioned at the same time we were told about the hiatus!

And if you're reading this, Gabriel Chase, I fucking hate you.


Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Yeah, we've been badmouthing LM for doing re-writes of his own material.. but what about GC? For Christ's sake he publishes the same rant every year!

Youth of Australia said...

And, despite all his faults, Larry actually WATCHES the episodes before he writes his reviews... GC rants after one title without even knowing the plot...