From BEYOND THE GRAVE (iii)

So, Kyron Ronald Matty Mallett Knopfler Bitchapocalypse III is on the blog slagging off some guy called David.

Who is David? I wrack my brains for an answer.


And then I realize.

David - as in Dave Restal.

Yes. He leapt to the conclusion that Dave Restal is out to get him.

For anyone who knows anything about Dave Restal this will be most amusing.



Especially as Dave IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!
He is NOT a human being!
HE IS A BOILED EGG ON STILTS!


And then, just to make sure we all know how intelligent, coherent and reasonable Monsieur Mallet is he CREATES A BLOG SOLELY SO HE CAN POST A HATE LETTER!


A hate letter which is a mere FOUR THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-ONE WORDS LONG!

That's more than most of his so-called fiction!
As you can imagine, my ego is crushed to powder at such efficiency and attention to detail from someone who creates a blog solely to slag off someone and they don't even get their name right! I am amazed!

Ronny, baby, what more is there to say?

I have to say that this is the funniest thing I've witnessed since Dylan Moran's "monster" and Jared "No Nickname" Hansen's pre-emptive obituary for me. I have laughed more than in ages, and I laugh a lot.

As Ronny is going to destroy his painstakingly-created blog, I promise to repost his essay against poor Mr. Restal up on this blog IN ITS ENTIRETY!

I trust others will share my mirth.

Oh, Mallet, you joyful little parasite! How can I ever thank you?