FFS Spara!

Yes, it's that time again as the Fish Emperor passes judgement on the casting decisions of Steven Moffat. Above, you see Jenna-Louise Coleman, who has just been cast as the non-terrestrial replacement companion for the Ponds following a nasty incident with some statues that always cover their eyes for some obscure reason.

What would sparacus say?

NOTE: This was literally just seconds after the announcement was made.

Awful. Just awful. Another generic young female companion. How much original inventive, creative thought has gone into this decision? Its just a pretty young female face to bung on the front of the DVDs.

And yes that is what he said, I didn't just type that off the top of my head while doing a strange Adrian Edmonsen voice.

Still, at least we can be glad Moffat chose an up-and-coming star rather than a washed-out failed actor/singer/politician with a criminal record, eating dissorder and online hatedom who personally can't stand Doctor Who... hah, seriously, I don't think Monsieur Rickitt is actually a bad actor, it's just that sparacus has made me despise him along with Rickitt and Hannah Murray...

But, seriously, how much original inventive and creative thought went to casting Ben Chatham? He just wanted a smoothe chest to lick honey off!

The new companion should differ from the last one.

Ooh, since when? I refer the honorable gentlemen to Vicki, Steven, Dodo, Liz, Nyssa, Turlough, Martha, Donna - so different from Susan, Ian, Vicki, Zoe, Romana, Adric, Rose and, um, Martha as long as you work entirely on the superficial statement of age and gender. The fact Ms Coleman is NOT playing a disturbed psychotic Scottish stripper or her schizophrenic big-nosed husband must surely count in her favor! Even though she is a tanned brunette midget and Karen Gillan is an alablaster redhead who was so tall they had to redesign the bloody Daleks because she made them look tiny?

Surely?

You may as well have casting by computer for all the originality of thought that goes into it. Just type in 'young', 'female', 'feisty' and 'pretty face' and there you go. Boring boring boring.

And it's not like Moff hasn't betrayed spara before, isn't it? What with him casting that ghastly specimen known as Matt Smith who absolutely no one in the entire world liked?

And everyone remembers the sheer shitstorm spara let off when Catherine Tate was cast, playing the same character he publically commented was the only decent companion of NuWhu! (Yes, I convinced him of that using logic and reason, and remind me of that if ever I dare say spara is worse than KMMK the wanker god of retroztv boards).

So much for the 'completely different' companion Moffat promised. Within fan fiction there are companions who are young male archaeologists and Thai Ladyboys. Wheras on the BBC its all young female & feisty with only Donna Noble being slightly outside the mould.

a) See, I told you he liked Donna!
b) That's his fan fiction - and his latest story really IS humiliating for poor BC who is now deemed SO pathetic that the Doctor refuses to help him, forcing him to turn to aforementioned Thai LadyBoy and Ian Levine to save his smoothe bacon

c) It's so sad that an eminent whovianologist can't remember Captain Jack, Adam, Mr. Copper, Jackson Lake, Wilf, Rory, Craig or Canton Delaware Everret III

You are counting the support characters as full companions. Only Rose, Martha, Donna & Amy are full companions. ALL female.

Eh?! Rory, Jack and Wilf got their mofoing names in the credits!

Harry Sullivan, Turlough, Adric? The classic series companions were more varied.

Yes, a total moron the Doctor screamed abuse at, and two alien youths with parental abandonment issues who were pathologically unreliable. That's three companions over a period of NINE years and a wide spread of female totty in between...

Still, how about the revelation thatMoffat chose her because she was the first human being known that Matt Smith can't overload on sight?

Awful. So she got the part because she talks fast. Babble babble babble like a ditzy schoolgirl.

And the fact she's a Who fan and an admirer of both Kazza Gillan and Billie Piper?

And her taste in companions is as predictable as it gets.

So, the fact she's a talented actress with an impressive CV and natural rapport with the star, not to mention the executive producer and head writer's first choice who is making an enthusiastic commitment to show isn't a good thing?

She has got the part because she has a pretty face to put on the merchandise and can act in an overly fast childish way - keeping up with Matt Smith's faux 'eccentric' running around.

Sheesh. You still haven't forgiven him for being heterosexual, have you?

No matter what spin the production team try to put on this we all know that this girl has been given the role because she is pretty, young & female. There is nothing wrong with any of these things its just that what is needed is something DIFFERENT!!! Bored bored bored bored bored.

Repeating the word "bored" three times doesn't win an argument, does it?

A 'fast paced' actor/actress who turns a scene quickly is not necessarily a good one. What about depth?

Did you even try looking at her showreels on youtube? It's not as if they aren't the trendiest thing on the internet today...

I have become increasingly bored stiff with Moffat era Doctor Who. Series 6 is the first one I haven't bought. Even with the RTD stuff, which I often disliked, I could find something of interest in the seasons. But Moffat era who is dreary and predictable. Apart from 'The Impossible Astronaut'. The whole Riversong business was like watching paint dry and casting generic pretty feisty girls over & over doesn't help. Karen Gillan was an average actress who mumbled her lines for most of series 5.

So apart from the main story arc of the entire series, you didn't like it. Even though you admit Karen Gillan was better this time around. And how can you be "increasingly" bored stiff? You either are or are not. You getting enough sleep, Emperor?

My point is that this is yet another example of the tedious predictability that is market-driven Nuwho. Creativity? Pushing the bounderies? Forget them! As far as the companion goes the remit seems to be just cast some pretty girl with a cutesy cutesy face. If she can't act who cares as its only Doctor Who.

Remember the halcyon days of Jackie Lane, eh, lads? Given Doctor Who is 50 years old, of course it's going to seem predictable and the fact that the "bounderies" are being pushed with the first genuine alien companion who will, Moff promises, have a totally unique introduction ("no mere boy meets girl" apparently) you think spara might give a chance to an actress he refuses to even discuss. If only Jenna-Louise had a sex change...

I think that most fans would prefer one of my characters to be the new companion as it would be SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Uncontested. It would also be an epoch-makingly horrid decision. I think Bill Pullman as Osward "I want to go to hell to rape little girls" Danes has more of a chance...

I can predict the character of this new companion:
Met the Doctor as a child. Now reunited with him as an adult (cue repetitive story arc). Works in a supermarket: young, feisty and aspirational. Has an everyman boyfriend and a doting mum. Father estranged in some way. Feisty. More feisty. Even more feisty.

Wow. You just nailed scraps of Amy and Rose together. What imagination.

So you'd rather
Met the Doctor as an adult. Now continually joins and departs the TARDIS for abusive relationship (ad nauseum). Sits on a couch all day getting drunk; bipolar, selfish and stupid. Has a string of gay-hating lovers and hypocritical parents. Drunk. More drunk. Takes recreational drugs and forces them onto school children.

The lack of a male companion is sexist casting? I'd say so. Look at the Nuwho companions: ALL female. Male characters Mickey & Rory are 'almost companions'. Only Captain Jack possibly qualifies but he was farmed out to a spin-off series.

"Farmed out"? This is "Freema sacked" all over again, isn't it?

I'll leave fellow GBers to point out he's being more sexist than any showrunner and note that sparacus has dismissed an actress and companion despite have no information whatsoever simply because she's a pretty girl. How can he damn Moffat for casting one? Both are totally superficial reactions. You don't even know her name!

It will be some silly pretty girl name like Poppy or Abby.

You mean a girl has a girl's name. What precisely would you prefer?

Lady Estella Ascott-Deville would be a better choice. Make her more upmarket.

Ah, so as long as she's a posh rich bitch and not a commoner you'll be happy?

Alas, the inevitable flamewars (spara was one of the vocal majority, naturally enough, who immediately stabbed passers-by to death at her casting), any further comments have been regrettably lost to eternity and the Worshipful and Ancient Mods of Gallifrey Base.

Disappointingly, Mad Larry the Pirate King refused to comment on her casting, preferring instead to tell everyone Jon Pertwee was a serial pedophile rapist. THAT WACKY GUY!


...

Well, I've fallen in love with her!

It you, the Soolin-substitute from Hot Gossip and the Tambourinist from the Dandy Warhols baby, we are gonna be good togetha!! DOWN, VERKOFF, DOWN!!!