And So It Ends

NIGEL AND DAVE REENACT THE EVENTS ON THIS BLOG

Ian "Turps" Turpie is dead. A jolly, kindly face of Australian counter culture and of course the infamous compere at Club Buggery for Roy, HG and the Nissan Cedrics, his loss cannot be filled or comprehended. This is a tragedy, especially after the loss of other luminaries like Phillip Madoc or Gina Rinehart who is, devastatingly, still with us.

It's a world-shattering event like this that makes you look back at life, stare yourself right in the eye and think "Hang on, I had two of those yesterday..." and in this reflective introspective state of mind I had an epiphiny.

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT.

Yes, even though it's consumed not even a whole weekend, I have wasted it on Ron Mallet - who has confirmed my statement back in 2006 that sparacus' greatest redeeming feature is that he is NOT Ron Mallet. In terms of genial behavior, tolerance, writing talent and open-mindedness, I'd go with Mark Goacher every time. Now, that probably means nothing to Monsieur le Matt, but to the readers of this blog and indeed ANYONE who popped in from Gallifrey Base, it is obvious that is about the most utterly crushing insult I could give to anyone. Even I tremble at the thought.

I considered a reasoned debate with him but... how can one debate from someone who actively closes off all communication and is moronic enough to accuse of cyberstalking in the same breath as revealing he's chasing everyone on facebook, twitter and blogger.

I am not obsessed with you Ron Mallet.

Alysson Hannigan, Emilia Fox, the tambourinist from the Dandy Warhols, Dylan Moran, sparacus, Jayma Mays, Paul McGann, Matt Smith, Nick Briggs, my parents, the other bloggers on this site... ALL of them have more reason for me to care about them than you.

I don't care what you do, who you are, what your real name is or even what you think of me. All I know is you're unable to control your own behavior, language or paranoia and your firm belief that anyone who disagrees with you is some retarded loser shows massive insecurity on your part. Your abject refusal to answer any emails or allow people to talk with you shows you as a coward yourself. Your full-throttle cyber-bullying campaign of banning and blogging also proves you don't have this "life" you keep bragging about, and are instead an obviously very lonely and angry person.

And I am not surprised.

You have no sense of humor, self-deprecation or honor, with a hairtrigger temper and a foul mouth. Your numerous bannings, multiple ids, and the fact an idle google of your name gives us a list of people insulting you as a "nuisance" shows you treat everyone this way. I've never once seen you have a kind word for anyone or anything. You never praise or compliment or encourage. There's nothing but bitterness and spite.

You are, to misquote Ben Chatham, unworthy of my hatred.

I nearly died two years ago. Nearly, properly died. I lost seven and a half pints of blood in an accident that anyone who reads this blog could tell you about. My mortal existence, the only provable link to reality any one of us, was on the point of snapping.

I fought. I physically, literally, metaphorically, emotionally fought to be alive.

And when I regained consciousness, drenched in my own blood and unable to move, thoughts of you were not in my head. Thoughts of you haven't even been on this blog since then. You don't matter to me.

In fact, you never mattered me.

Ban me from your forum where I was the only person to post as many things as you. Ban me from dwexpanded for reminding everyone of your shameful behavior which you are eager to hide. What else are you going to do? Spam this blog with hatred? Whinge to your mates on proboard (which, by the way, is dealing with a series of complaints received about your conduct?)

Will that make you happy? Will that put a smile on your face? Restore order as you see it to the universe? Please do. Stop making yourself miserable and grumpy and actually embrace life, the universe and everything (and what an original and not-at-all-pompous blog name).

You've got so many people you hate and despise. You mock and jeer at three good, intelligent people you know nothing about for the simple reason they're my friends. You call me a delusional liar cyberstalking you after you request to be a friend on facebook. You've been turned down by forums and fans for your "playful nature", but you're never the one at fault, are you? Doctor Who fandom, Countdown fandom, facebook, twitter and all points in between! You've always got other people to blame.

And now you have one less.

I withdraw any concern or interest I had in your incoherent existence.

Say this is a victory. Say you convinced me to see reason. Say you won. Say anything you like that stops that empty hole in your gut from making you tear your hear out. I am no longer going to provide you with an excuse to be an arsehole to the world.

I have a loving family and more than the three good friends who post here.

You?

You're on your own, which seems to be the only way you like it.

GOODBYE