...in so many ways. Well, I'm volunteering my grunt services at the noble Hepatitis C Awareness organization (I still know little more than Martha Jones pretending to be Sam Jones pretending to have it, before getting Wirrn larvae injected into her intestines). Yet, curiously, I have also turned back to my guide page.
You know. This one.
Yes, if you want to see my psuedo-satirical ramblings (TM patent applied for by M. Goacher of Colchester) turned onto the Big Finish abomination they dared pass off as Season 27... well. Go there. It's not often I totally lost any kind of objectivity and started ranting without comic intent - the only other time was in Full Fist Five where I got sick of Steve Foxx telling me how to live my life - but amazingly enough, Crime of the Century finally made me snap. Maybe because it was awfully-written toss, but maybe because of the overarching philosophy...
Sam: I know all about losing things. Why do you think I’m here, wasting my time doing crosswords and aggravating my piles for thirty grand scores? Because I lost the lot! I used to have it all and I lost it all on Black Monday!
Doctor: Oh, one of THOSE. They happen every few decades, inevitable, brief and periodic cycles.
Sam: It’s all every well having that point of view when you’re a bloody time traveler – try to being a small-to-medium-sized business enterprise and THEN see how brief they seem. And how inevitable? I don’t think it HAD to happen! I’d like to get my hands on the blokes responsible, the lad who caused. Mark my words, someone’s made a nice little profit out of ruining us all. They did it all deliberately to make a killing!
Doctor: Shut up, Sam! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Sam: But, Doctor...
Doctor: I have had it UP TO HERE with all this self-pitying social relevancy... you’re a fucking gangland boss! Stop whinging about how unfair life is because YOUR bank balance is no longer in six figures! BOO-FUCKING-HOO! I was all ready to try and get into this gritty social realism, get rid of all the science fiction aspects and become as hardcore as "The Bill" or "London’s Burning" but MOTHER OF FUCKING CHRIST – a posh sword-fighting cat burglar and her Cockney gangster dad! VERY FUCKING REALISTIC I DON’T THINK! And, I could even have coped, even with the new Earthbound format with authentic-based contemporary characters IF YOU WEREN’T ALL SUCH TOTAL ASSHOLES! Hmmm, planet Zog in the 82nd Century or Thatcher’s Britain – I wonder which one will be more fun and interesting? That’s it, I quit!
Sam: Sylv, you’re going way off script...
Doctor: FUCK THE SCRIPT! I QUIT THIS WHOLE FUCKING SHOW!
...yeah. Probably some bias there.
In other news, The Lodger 2: Closing Time is awesome. It's quite clear only Gareth Roberts could be considered for replacement showrunner, since apart from anything else he's done more DW stories per year since 2005 since even RTD. Plus, you know, he can work out plots and is actually funny. Just say "no" to Mark Gatiss, boys and girls. Just say "no".
And I might get back Andrew & The Vanishing Verkoff once I've had my blood bleached yet again...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
32 comments:
Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I've been massively down lately and when that happens I have hard time drumming up sympathy for my friends, let alone fictional characters...
I'm sorry to hear that friend. Anything I can do? Of late and know it not I have lost some of my mirth (internet explorer should be renamed computer pricktease at the moment...) but I was a bit surprised that I couldn't find it in my heart to care for the Tollinger-nee-Creeveys, because, well, I grew up with Blake's 7, Blackadder, Red Dwarf... I cared about the characters in all of them, and there was a high quotient of unsympathetic assholes involved.
I boggle I feel more sympathy with Del Tarrant (the David Brent of the Liberator) than Ace's proposed replacement.
I can say with confidence the latest ep of DW is very good, very funny and treats the Cybermen with some more respect than other new series writers. I'm not saying it's perfect, but there's a brilliant exchange...
CYB: We will convert humanity.
DOCTOR: What? All six of you?
CYB: Yes. All six. That is all it will take to convert humanity. And you know that.
DOCTOR: ...yeah. I do.
Frankly, it's a moment that would have improved the Tenth Planet, let alone their last story when they were The Monsters So Pathetic Rory Can Defeat Them Off Screen Because The Hithertoo Unmentioned Headless Monks Are A Far Greater Threat.
So. Yeah. Anything I can do?
It's good to hear they're actually working on making the Cybs credible again, because I was actually thinking about it on my drive home today, and wondering if they could ever recover from the unimpressive appearances that they've made so far. Will be interesting to see.
Also, sad to hear that Kate Tollinger has been so badly handled, as I fell in love with the concept after hearing it. And that they did the 'unlocking Sylv in a safe' thing but gave it such a bizarre explanation. I guess that's what can happen when you come up with a cool moment first, a story second and then try to link them up somehow. (Also, not the best idea for an audio story)
As for me... well, I wouldn't say there's anything in particular for you to do. I was going to write a blog post about what's going on, but the short of it is I've had something of a falling out with my closest friends and closed my FB and basically been out of contact with everyone.
As an odd aside, a man was shot to death by police outside my workplace today.
It's good to hear they're actually working on making the Cybs credible again,
It's quite sad that Gareth Roberts is the only one to even try to use them as anything other than Daleks with legs. I mean, don't get me wrong, this isn't a Dalek-style 45-minutes-of-Cyb-badassery, it's the Lodger part 2 with the Cybs instead of a mad computer. But even though they get a traditional new-series head-exploding defeat, they are treated with genuine respect. These bastards could fuck you up, the Doctor can't sweettalk them and the cybermat is genuinely scary. Well, it makes sense it could hurt you unlike the 60s version, which apparently made people laugh to death on seeing them...
Also, sad to hear that Kate Tollinger has been so badly handled, as I fell in love with the concept after hearing it.
As did I.
The problems are threefold
a) she's only ever been in stories by Andrew Cartmel. His plots are so random and incoherent they are borderline Monty Python. But not as funny.
b) Keeping Ace on, meaning they get to have Spartha-Jones-style bitch fests. I'm not exaggerating, Ace has a huge chip on her shoulder and takes one look at Raine before slagging her off (even after Raine has single-handedly saved the day...)
c) The actress. Now, Beth Chalmers is very good. But she has a voice uncannily similar to Bonnie Langford. There have been countless complaints/comments that basically Raine sounds like Mel talking posh.
And that they did the 'unlocking Sylv in a safe' thing but gave it such a bizarre explanation.
"Yes, Raine. I read your diary, thought it sounded cool, so I did it. Why aren't you finding me likeable and endearing yet?"
In my (admittedly crap) version, two half-converted Cybergoons locked the Doctor in the safe to suffocate him and hide the body.
(Also, not the best idea for an audio story)
Yeah. What's bewildering is the episode starts with a voiceover of Raine's diary... then it stops, never to return, and she needs to find people to narrate things to.
Yeah, Cartmel's screwed up to a truly awesome degree.
As for me... well, I wouldn't say there's anything in particular for you to do.
Well, if that changes, let me know.
I was going to write a blog post about what's going on, but the short of it is I've had something of a falling out with my closest friends and closed my FB and basically been out of contact with everyone.
Right. Can't really give any advice there, all things told. But as Rimmer would say "So, they mind-raped us, did a jigsaw and broke a couple of legs! Forgive and forget, that's what I say..."
Oh, and Bill Bailey will be in the next Christmas Special!
As an even odder aside, while I was off doing a leaflet drop, my workplace caught fire. In a rain storm. I've got tomorrow off now.
Looks like "Doctor Black Books", eh? ;-)
Personally, I thought "Closing Time" was... well, mixed; love conquers all rarely ever does so successfully as a plot point.
That ending, though? Ho. Ly. Crap. And so quick, too. :-O
Good point. Jared, be warned there is an Almost-People-style cliffhanger ending.
As for the Cyberman defeat, well, there are stated very good reasons for it to happen. Moreso than in The Next Doctor. Remember they weren't in top condition, attempting a delicate proceedure in entirely the wrong way and the Doctor said before they started it could end badly.
It is a tour de force compared to, say, locking the Doctor in a room full of explosives with a detonator and suicidal resistance leader with a pathological hatred of Cybermen. And then being surprised when things go bad.
True... but it would've been darkly funny to see Cyber-Craig waddling around. :-P
STOP IT WITH THE SPOILERS!
And no, it wouldn't have been darkly funny, it would have been as stupid and pointless as the first scene of Toy Story having Andy's house and all its possessions crushed by a meteorite. No doubt many can instantly dive in with a joke about how this would be an improvement, it still doesn't change the fact it defeats the entire point of the franchise in the first place.
"Darkly funny"?
THREADS IS DARKLY FUNNY!
Meh, all he spoiled is that there's a dude named Craig in the ep.... OMG! Is it CRAIG CHATHAM?
It warms my heart it took me a few seconds to remember who Craig Chatham was. Since LBC's buggered off and undergone another strange renewal (he's some wierdo from Twilight now, and doesn't fancy Hannah Murray anymore!), and spara's had the chutzpah to say his "horse-killing industrial sabateour" take on the Cybermen is better than anyone else's...
Nope. Totally forgot the point of that last sentence. Basically, Chatham's been dead for about five months and no one's trying to bring him back.
Things any better with you?
THIS IS EXCELLENT NEWS, EWEN
Erm, slightly. I'm back on FaceBook but haven't made up with the friends I've disowned and not sure if I will.
The main issue I've had is a fairly shameful addiction to a cartoon shooter game named Team Fortress 2. I've been playing it whenever I'm lonely and bored which has been a lot more often than I'd hoped..
Heh. I can so see Banksy.
Good things have slightly improved.
No addiction is shameful unless it involves Chris Lilley.
Well... I'm sort of sad that they axed Confidential; it was sort of fun to see the off-camera interactions of the cast. :-)
Last ep. is tonight. :-(
After all that fuss I didn't even end up watching the episode :P
"Sir, might I let loose a short, violent exclamation?"
"Well, why certainly."
"**DAMN**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lol
Seriously, twas a good ep. You should try to see it. Like The Doctor's Wife. Etc.
Yeah, I might download it. My plan's changed literally overnight - it's now three times faster and my monthly cap is ten times the size. Daaa-yum!
Dayam. I'll still two hours away from downloading the season finale... and passing the time by finishing another guide entry.
Benny: Doctor, it’s me! Bernice Summerfield!
Doctor: ...nope.
Benny: Benny? I’m from the twenty-seventh century. I’m an archaeology professor, I traveled with the Doctor for a very long time in your seventh body?
Doctor: Not ringing any bells.
Benny: The planet Heaven? We fought the Hoothi, a race of monsters who looked like giant... um... mushrooms. We had dozens of new adventures all across time and space, too broad and too deep for the small screen!
Doctor: You’re really not narrowing it down...
Benny: When you regenerated into this rather dashing body with the long hair, we met up in 1997! Big spaceships over London, the Ice Cream Vendors invaded, we defeated them.
Doctor: "We"?
Benny: Well. Mainly you, as ever. At the end of that, he dropped me off back in my native timezone and we, er...
Doctor: What? "Shook hands and said goodbye"?
Benny: More like, "fucked like rabbits".
[Long pause.]
Doctor: Me and you?
Benny: Uh-huh.
Doctor: Right. So... was I going through a period of very low-self-esteem at the time?
Doesn't it seem like another Universe, now, when Fitz and Benny were two of the most popular companions and Lawrence Miles was one of the most respected writers involved with DW?
...fandom went a bit wrong there..
Anyway, yeah... I have to say I never quite got the Benny-mania.. she isn't THAT different from a lot of companions in the classic series, even! So, yes. Nice eloquent smackdown..
Heh. Mind you, that story doesn't really treat Benny as anything remotely special anyway. Maybe its PMG's deadpan performance, but it's like School Reunion featured Dodo Chaplet.
The Fitz ep was really good, though.
...hang on, did Big Finish do a Fitz story??
Um. Yes.
They did a story called Company of Friends which was four one-episode tales. There was the Eighth Doctor and Benny, the Eighth Doctor and Fitz, the Eighth Doctor and Izzy (from DWM comics), and two Eighth Doctors and Mary Shelly during the Time War.
Fitz was played by Matt diAngelo from Hustle, Izzy played by Jemima Rooper (AKA Bridget Jones-style chick from Lost in Austin).
The Izzy one was... HORRIBLY bad. Beyond terrible. Probably the worst moment was the Doctor, mildly annoyed, calling her "Izzy Someone". This is the equivalent of the Tenth Doctor saying to Donna, "Your mum is right and you are a worthless goodfornothing time waster". The story about expys for Judge Dredd were beyond shite as well...
But the Fitz one was good, with him and the Doctor competing to become media celebrities and get a contract with an alien version of UNIT.
More info.
I have to admit, I teared up at that particular scene in the TARDIS, last night... ;_;
(No spoilers, of course.)
Ah, okay. That's a kinda cool concept. And I like Stephen Cole but... yeah, the one-line summary of Izzy's story in itself sounds dodgy...
"Izzy asks the Doctor to look into the rarest comic book in history: 'Aggrotron!'"
ALAN BARNES: Okay, she's a character from the comics, so obvious the story should be all ABOUT comics! It's so meta, this will make everyone love me!
Hang on... did you say the Mary Shelley story is during The Time War??? The thing Nick Briggs said they would never, ever do?
Ah, okay. That's a kinda cool concept. And I like Stephen Cole but...
I understand, but the episode is quite good and the Nigel Verkoffian persona Fitz adopts to be a TV star is very good.
ALAN BARNES: Okay, she's a character from the comics, so obvious the story should be all ABOUT comics! It's so meta, this will make everyone love me!
Well, it didn't. It practically got hatemail, particular a bit where Izzy has a speech roughly:
"I'm a geek and a comic nerd and girls don't belong in comic books! It's just wrong! Against the law!"
AB justified this as a symptom of Izzy in full denial she's gay to the point of misogyny - but he seemed to miss the point people complained because it was the equivalent of having Leela recite Noel Coward. SHE DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT, OR ACT LIKE THAT! Hell, the ONE time she ever is even SEEN with a comic, she tears it up!
I might have gritted my teeth and said "oh, this is Izzy being unusually passionate about something to point she comes across as full-blown-retarded and the Doctor is her long-suffering care worker"... but why the hell have her act out of character in a play supposed to celebrate her?
I can think of 500 moments in the comics where she's more likable and interesting even BEFORE she is turned into a fish girl in a bikini!
Hang on... did you say the Mary Shelley story is during The Time War???
Yep.
Well, I mean it's not SAID, but we have the Eighth Doctor, specifically at the end of his life, bitter and disillusioned flying a wrecked TARDIS through storms of "vitreous" time - set after a story that ended with the Eighth Doctor vowing to destroy the Daleks in a time war.
It's kind of easy to spot the subtext. Especially as we get dues ex machinas from Rise of the Cybermen and Journey's End used for the Eighth Doctor's death scene at the end of the story (giving RTD precedents if nothing else...)
(Technically, though, this story is set pre-Storm-Warning, with the Eighth Doctor who was travelling with Sam and Gemma. He gets Mary Shelly as a companion, so BF can do the "missing adventures" now they've basically gone as far as BBC lawyers will allow them.)
Well, it didn't
Lol, so I assumed...
"I'm a geek and a comic nerd and girls don't belong in comic books! It's just wrong! Against the law!"
Hmmmm.. kinda... weird? I'm not massively into comics but there seems to be no shortage of female characters in the ones I've read... so, you know, logic failure without even going into characterisation.
SHE DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT, OR ACT LIKE THAT!
I'll take your Caps' word for it, having never read any DW comics..
but why the hell have her act out of character in a play supposed to celebrate her?
That's the billion dollar question, which also sadly applies to The Two Doctors before it..
I can think of 500 moments in the comics where she's more likable and interesting even BEFORE she is turned into a fish girl in a bikini!
...the comics are so weird..
Well, I mean it's not SAID, but we have the Eighth Doctor, specifically at the end of his life, bitter and disillusioned flying a wrecked TARDIS through storms of "vitreous" time - set after a story that ended with the Eighth Doctor vowing to destroy the Daleks in a time war.
Ah, so they're juuuust on the right side of the fence where they can still say they're not doing the Time War. They're just doing all the bits either side of it...
(Technically, though, this story is set pre-Storm-Warning, with the Eighth Doctor who was travelling with Sam and Gemma. He gets Mary Shelly as a companion, so BF can do the "missing adventures" now they've basically gone as far as BBC lawyers will allow them.)
Uh-huh... so Mary Shelly's the new companion?
Hmmmm.. kinda... weird? I'm not massively into comics but there seems to be no shortage of female characters in the ones I've read... so, you know, logic failure without even going into characterisation.
It's one they chalk down to "if you weren't involved with British comic series in the 1980s you can't possibly appreciate the satirical genius so fuck off" type writings. Similar logic was behind The Idiot's Lantern, really, "if you don't have nostalgia for the coronation, piss off, there's nothing for you here" - even Ashes to Ashes managed it better...
I'll take your Caps' word for it, having never read any DW comics..
The strips themselves are very good, I hasten to add. I don't blame RTD or BF for making them canon.
That's the billion dollar question, which also sadly applies to The Two Doctors before it..
Rob Shearman is convinced it was Robert Holmes just being a total asshole and deliberately writing bad to challenge the preconceptions of grass-munching retards in fandom.
...
Whatever.
...the comics are so weird..
Izzy gets bodyswapped with a fish-girl criminal and has a painfully credible nervous breakdown. There's a lovely story called Beautiful Freak where the Doctor just can't wrap his head around Izzy's culture shock - hell, he has to get used to new bodies all the time! What's the problem?
Then he goes into her bedroom and finds she's smashed all the mirrors and trying to kill herself.
Ah, so they're juuuust on the right side of the fence where they can still say they're not doing the Time War. They're just doing all the bits either side of it...
Yeah, like how in The Reaping the Cyberleader nicked a TARDIS from the Time War but was ever so enigmatic about the whole thing.
Uh-huh... so Mary Shelly's the new companion?
Yes. She is. I know, wierd. Her first full story will be The Silver Turk next month, which is about Tenth-Planet Cybermen running amock in 19th Century Russia I believe...
Mary Shelly has one hell of a (real) life story even before she meets the Doctor, as I note:
This is the girl, who combined sex and suicide pacts (she prefers laudanum to flintlock pistols), who eloped with a married man many years older than her on donkey-back, who had to put up with the entire English celebrity circle telling her "Serves you right for dressing like a tart, you harlot!" when she had a miscarriage, who keeps internal organs from ex-boyfriends as keepsakes, and who lost her virginity ON HER MOTHER’S GRAVE.
Quite frankly, the Doctor may never again find someone who makes HIM look positively normal in comparison!
There's a lovely story called Beautiful Freak where Izzy's trying to kill herself
Actually, maybe "lovely" was the wrong word. But the artwork was great...
Post a Comment