FFS, Gabriel Chase (2010 roundup)

While I can't deny my raging hatred for this tosser has dimmed to bare recognition, I am if nothing else a creature of habit, so he's the "constant evolutions" to be found on his Saturday Teatime Guild.

Whilst the Welsh series now enjoys daily screenings on UKTV's Watch channel, the original languishes in TV limbo.

Boo freaking hoo. The fact half of them can be found on youtube is balanced by the fact the other half are available on shiny silver things called DVDs - though such infernal technological devices are presumably an "abomination", right, GC?

Now, here's a challenge only GC could provide - what could you get to make Ron Mallet, sparacus, Mad Larry, RTD and a man off the street with only the vaguest knowledge of the show put aside all disagreements and stand united in COMPLETE AND UTTER CONTEMPT?

The present version of the show is very much establishment. It blandly conforms to current socio-political ideals regarding escapist adventure. It is designed purely to appeal to the lowest common denominator. It looks good and sounds good, but says nothing. There are no socio-political questions posed to make the viewer think, no ideas put forward that might make the viewer consider there may be alternatives to the bland confection presented by our broadcasters - with the possible exception of The Empty Child which is a very good analogue of the Welsh series, superficially similar to the original but totally lacking anything beneath the surface.


...


Suffice it to say, when other internet trolls don't think they're bigoted and ignorant enough, they turn to Master Chase here.

Meanwhile, in the "Who Myths Debunked" with such well-known howlers as "Doctor Who is not a children's programme!", "Mary Tamm was never topless in the Sweeny!", "The Beatles were never in Doctor Who!" and "Manchester sucks!" there's THIS howler...

Matt Smith will be the Eleventh Doctor.
Bizarelly, written after A Christmas Carol screened (by which the "will be" bit is surely inaccurate since he's played the Doctor for a year already...). Though it seems in the GC universe, that episode is still on the drawing board and has yet to be screened.

It is the belief of this site that the original Doctor Who and the Welsh series are separate entities,
So why are you bothering to write this?!

and that both are parts of a greater whole, encompassing the films, stageplays, radio serials and webcasts.
So they're NOT separate entities.

In which case there have been at least fifteen Doctors already, not counting another six which were portrayed in parodies of the show.
So parodies are canon now?

In addition to the seven featured in the original series, Paul McGann in the American pilot
As the eighth. Specifically after the Seventh.

and the three in the Welsh series,
Making Matt Smith the eleventh. See how this makes sense?

Trevor Martin portrayed the Doctor midway between his third and fourth incarnations in the 1974 stageplay Seven Keys to Doomsday,
Actually no. He played the Fourth Doctor full stop. Or the Seventh Doctor in the AVs. Actually, why am I even arguing?

David Banks played an un-numbered incarnation in the 1989 stageplay The Ultimate Adventure,
Once. For half a show. What with him being understudied. Is Edmund Warwick now counting as a separate Doctor for being a stunt double?

whilst Richard E.Grant was officially labeled the Ninth Doctor in the 2003 webcast Scream of the Shalka.
And then officially labeled uncanonical by the BBC.

Peter Cushing and William Hurndall's
Richard Hurdnall, you tit.

appearances in the films and The Five Doctors respectively were as alternative First Doctors,
So, ergo, they don't prevent Matt being the eleventh.

whilst Michael Jayston's Valeyard character in The Trial of a Time Lord was supposed to be the Doctor somewhere between his twelfth and thirteenth regenerations.
And thus after Matt. So?!

If we factor in the parodies of Doctor Who
...WHY?!

featured in Crackerjack! and Comic Relief, Don MacLean played an alternative Fourth Doctor in the former, whilst Rowan Atkinson played a Ninth Doctor in the Curse of Fatal Death skit featured in the latter.
Why stop there? What about Rob Stitch? Jon Culshaw? Frank Gallager? Mark Gatiss? You can't open the gates and stop there!

In fact, this latter parody added four further incarnations in the forms of Richard E.Grant (playing the Tenth Doctor before he played the Ninth), Jim Broadbent, Hugh Grant and Joanna Lumley, thus making thirteen.
And who wrote COFD? The same bloke who says it isn't canon! Christ on a bike.

Which, if you take into account all the various forms of Doctor Who produced since 1963, makes Matt Smith at least the nineteenth or twentieth Doctor - which is a physical impossibility even for a Time Lord!
a) "507"
b) The Matt Smith Doctor describes himself as "eleventh" on screen, after several flashbacks confirming that
c) does GC really honestly REALLY think people will read his paragraph and go "Cor, blimey! It turns out there are more Doctors if you count the crap on youtube! The new series is therefore utter shite! I done seen the light!"

...sigh...

Probably best to leave him for good this year.