That time of year again

HELEN: Dave, what is it? What has got into you?

DAVE: I don't know. I've just been thinking about... things. How I've never achieved anything useful.

JOY: So. When exactly is your birthday?

DAVE: Tomorrow. Hang on, how did you know it was my birthday?

JOY: Men always get very miserable around their birthdays.

DAVE: Listen, sweetheart, this week I am probably half way through my life.

JOY: No, Dave. You keep calling me "sweetheart" and you're very, very near the end of it.

HENRY: Dave, Joy tells me it's your birthday tomorrow.

DAVE: Yeah, look, I just want to forget about it.

HENRY: "Forget about it?" Do you remember how we celebrated last year? The Black Bull, that Greek place, the Pink Pussycat, someone's flat and then we ended up in Trafalgar Square riding three up on a lion with that Portugese drag artist who fed champagne to his pig... What a lunch hour that was, eh?

DAVE: Henry... You've always lived your life like me. Now you're older, a bit older, don't you find when you lok back you think "what a waste of time"? Don't you feel time's running out and you've just lived for the moment all your life and none of it seems to add up to anything? And soon you will be dead and you will not leave behind the slightest imprint on this world... Don't you feel that?

HENRY: No! No, no, no! Everything's splendid.

DAVE: You don't feel that at all?

HENRY: No, I do not. I feel very happy. Very content, very... (runs off in tears) VERY BLOODY CONTENT INDEED!

GUS: What's wrong with you?

JOY: It's his birthday.

DAVE: Do you have to say that? It just makes me feel washed-up and alone.

GUS: Pull yourself together man.

DAVE: Oh, you've never felt like that?

GUS: What? Me? Lonely? Have you seen the size of my address book?! I have friends beginning with "Z".

JOY: How's this for a birthday card?

DAVE: "At 30 you've got a lot to look forward to... old age, incontinence and death."


- Drop the Dead Donkey


Just sort of assumed I would have died before now.

Guess I couldn't even get that right.